Training Children to be Kind in Their Actions

By Contributing Writer, Kim Doebler

 

How many of us have said to our child, “Be kind”?  What does that mean? Did our child know what we were wanting of them? Did we know what we were expecting from the child when we told them to be kind?

In parenting it can be tempting to just correct behavior we do not like without specifically explaining what should replace the wrong action. A key in character training is to give our children the tools and knowledge to choose godly actions and reactions instead of what comes naturally.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

While reading this verse I see two points.

1. “Be kind and compassionate to one another.”  The “Be” shows this is an action. In other words, God wants us to be kind in our actions.
2. “Forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  The “forgive” states this is a reaction. In other words, God wants us to be kind in our reactions.

Today I will address ways of helping our children to be kind in their actions, and tomorrow we will look at helping them to be kind in their reactions.

Teach them to look for ways to be kind.

Although we would like to think this comes naturally, it doesn’t. Children must be taught to look for needs around them, so as we see instances throughout our day where one child could have done something for another and didn’t, we can store that away and bring it up again in a non-conflict time to talk through or possibly role play.  It is good to correct immediately, but it’s also important to revisit the situation later when no emotions are involved. This can really help a child see a situation more clearly.

Some examples of being kind would be: picking up another’s pencil when they drop it, helping others with their chores without being asked, and offering to get a drink or snack for others while getting one of their own.

When role playing a situation, allow the children to show what they should do as well as what they should not do. This is especially important for younger children so that mom knows for sure that the concept has been understood.

Teach them to always be thinking, “What can I do to help?”

When the children are small, mom can help the children practice asking this question. For example, she can pretend to scrub the floor and have the children ask “What can I do to help?” Same with doing dishes, picking up, folding laundry, sweeping, and yard work.  Make it a game to practice a great life skill.

As a child uses this new information and asks, “What can I do to help?” be sure to give them a task. Some really nice moms will think they are rewarding their child by not making them work, but the opposite is true. The best thing we can give our child is including them in everything we do.

Teach them that kind children are polite.

Character is much more than manners, but manners are a part of character. The basics of saying “please” and “thank you” speak greatly of a person’s consideration of others. Here is a cute song and a poem to help relay this message to our children.

(to I’m a Little Teapot)
I have super manners, yes, I do.
I can say “please” and “thank you” too.
When I play with friends, I like to share,
That’s the way I show I care!

MANNERS
We say, “Thank you”
We say, “Please”
We don’t interrupt or tease.
We don’t argue. We don’t fuss.
We listen when folks talk to us.
We share our toys and take our turn.
Good manners aren’t too hard to learn.
It’s really easy, when you find.
Good manners means
JUST BEING KIND!

Kindness is being considerate, or thoughtful, of others. When we tell our child to be kind in their actions, we are telling them to be considerate of others.  Tomorrow we’ll be looking at ways to help our children be kind in their reactions.

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