If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement. When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing, and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears— the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain— there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making. We may tell a disengaged partner, “You don’t seem to care anymore,” but without “evidence” of this, the response is “I’m home from work every night by six P.M. I tuck in the kids. I’m taking the boys to Little League. What do you want from me?” Or at work, we think, Why am I not getting feedback? Tell me you love it! Tell me it sucks! Just tell me something so I know you remember that I work here!

Brene’ Brown, Daring Greatly

Brene' Brown
Daring Greatly (Penguin Publishing Group, 2012), pgs. 51-52

Comedy in the Gospel?

the gospel as comedy

It’s been a month of marinating in Buechner’s Telling the Truth. Oh my. It’s delish. So I wrote a little bit about how Beuchner presents the gospel as tragedy HERE. But he makes an argument for the gospel as comedy as well. Comedy is that genre in literature that takes a situation of (often) exaggerated […]

Awesome Book Series to Read to Your Kids (GIVEAWAY!)

Cottonmouth

I’ve got such a fun treat for anyone who loves books and has kids who love books. And even if you and/or your kids hate books (perish the thought), it’s likely because they’ve never read books like these. Allow me to introduce you to Freddie Cottonmouth. An unassuming 10-year-old boy who has some pretty bizarre […]

Help! Conversations with a Fool Go Nowhere!

Photo Credit: adam_moralee via Compfight cc

“I’ve tried having mutual conversations with my spouse, but we never get anywhere. He’s always right. My opinions matter little to him. He tends to dismiss and minimize any of my concerns. Every attempt on my part to engage in a meeting of the minds is met with either hostility or laughter. I often leave conversations feeling guilty. Like I did something wrong to even bring up an issue. I often feel confused and stuck. What do I do?”

Let’s talk about that.