by monthly contributor, Ann Dunagan of Harvest Ministry
For Part 1 in this series, click here
My Personal story of SUB-mission
Often, when a young woman asks me about my views about being a woman, what I think about submission to my husband, or today’s view of feminism . . .
I go and find a simple blue-and-white vase, and tell a little story:
The story of the blue-and-white vase
Jon and I were overseas on one of our first mission trips . . .
I was a young and adventurous twenty-two-year-old, recently graduated from college, pretty much still a newlywed, and a fairly new mommy (with a toddler in hand and baby number two on the way). Both Jon and I felt “full of faith,” and we were ready to do anything for God. We had been preaching throughout remote Filipino villages and sharing in Hong Kong churches services for several weeks.
On this particular morning we were preparing to smuggle Bibles (for the second time) into Communist China.
God blinded their eyes . . .
One week earlier, we had loaded our suitcases with Bibles and fearlessly transported God’s Word through the Chinese customs department. On that first attempt our blond-haired toddler totally distracted the security guards, and no one even checked out bags!
It was like we were living our very own missionary adventure; and just like the stories of Brother Andrew smuggling Bible behind the Iron Curtain, God was once again “blinding the eyes” of foreign officials.
Although we were directly disobeying a man-made law,
we were totally confident in our radical obedience to God’s higher law.
We knew that God was blessing our actions, and we were excited to deliver His Word to believers who so desperately needed it.
But this time, Jon felt I wasn’t supposed to go . . .
However, on the morning before our second Bible-smuggling mission, my husband woke up with a feeling of apprehension in his spirit. It wasn’t that Jon was fearful of what we planned to do; he just didn’t have a peace about me going. Although he didn’t know why, Jon simply felt I was not to participate in that day’s outreach. Instead, he felt I was supposed to stay back and pray.
But, to put it mildly, my strong-willed, goal-oriented nature didn’t quite agree with my husband’s simple idea.
“You have got to be kidding!” I protested. “Do you really think I’m going to just sit here in this little room all day while you’re off on our mission? I know you think I’m pushing myself too hard, but I am not tired, and just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go! I’m just fine, and I’m not going to miss out! You know, God didn’t tell just you to ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel’; and I’m not going to sit here doing nothing! No matter what you say, I am going!”
I felt justified in my radical obedience . . .
Just like before, I felt justified in my radical obedience to God. Despite my seemingly defiant attitude, I felt totally submitted to God and His Word. (Wasn’t I?) And I was steadfastly determined to fulfill God’s mission.
I still had a lot to learn.
Later that morning, at our pre-delivery meeting place, I crammed my bags totally full of Bibles–completely assured that God would once again “blind the eyes” of anyone who would oppose us. Jon and I were assigned to cross the border at the same time as two other American pastors.
As we all advanced toward the border, we hooked our little little “blond-haired distraction device” into the baby-pack on Jon’s back.
As the five us us came to the customs area, the two pastors decided to go through first . . . and just as we had prayed, there was no problem. Next, Jon and our son went through their line . . . and once again, there was no problem. It was as if the bags were completely invisible.
So with total assurance, I stepped forward and approached the customs desk.
Yelling guards and flashing lights . . .
But suddenly, a guard grabbed by heavy bag and began to unzip it. He pointed to my stacks of Bible and began yelling in Chinese. A flashing red light began spinning above my aisle as more guards came toward me. Security guards halted Jon at the exit door, and then they ushered us into a stark room with brick walls and mean-looking officials.
I tried to hold my composure and appear brave, as an English-speaking guard was called in to interpret; but as they began to yell, my wall of confidence began to crumble.
Because of our citizenship (and current international relations), the officials merely threatened us and confiscated all of our Bibles.
Afterward, we were released to enter the country . . . with our empty bags.
At this point, we were scheduled to go to a secret underground meeting room, where our Bibles could be sorted and organized for distribution. But now, what were we supposed to do?
Together, Jon and I walked in silence for several blocks, as we tried to distance ourselves from the two pastors.
There was no need for an “I told you so.”
I felt so miserable, there was no need for an “I told you so.”
I realized that I had not just gone against my husband; I defied God and I rejected God’s authority and covering over my life. Because of my stubbornness, God’s protection had been removed. Instead of just doing something “little” (staying back and interceding for the group), I stubbornly pushed for my own big plan–hindering the entire mission and endangering our family.
We finally sat down, and I openly repented to Jon and the Lord. We decided to browse through an open market and eventually purchased a Chinese vase for our living room. For over twenty-four years, this vase has reminded me of how I felt that day and how deeply I want to follow God’s way rather than my own.
Please note . . .
An important disclaimer to this story:
I want to make it very clear that in no way do I think that any Christian who gets “caught” — or arrested, thrown in prison, treated poorly, or spoken evil of — for his or her radical obedience to God, is doing something wrong or is outside of God’s “covering.”
In referring to persecution, Jesus clearly told his followers,
Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:11-12).
Many early disciples, godly missionary heroes, and even precious brothers and sisters in Christ have been (and even now are being) persecuted for their true obedience to Christ. I believe it is important to keep today’s persecuted believers in the forefront of our thoughts and in our prayers.
This particular story is simply my own experience, and a specific lesson that God taught me. In this situation, I know that I was outside of God’s plan for my life. I had disobeyed, and this particular “storm” in my life happened because I had stepped outside of God’s will. I’m thankful for God’s grace and His forgiveness. And I’m even thankful for God allowing this experience.
I happen to be a very strong-willed and determined woman. These character traits can be good, but only if they are submitted to the Lordship of Christ. Especially because of the dangerous ministry and missions life that God has called us to, I am grateful for the Lord’s correction and instruction, even from early-on in our marriage. This situation was very foundational in helping me to learn “how” to follow my husband’s leadership and to live with a more submitted and surrendered to God’s direction. (And I’m still learning . . . 
)
“It is better to obey God rather than men.”
–Brother Andrew
These two posts about living in SUB-mission to God are adapted from Ann’s book, The Mission-Minded Family.
About Ann Dunagan
How familiar this sounds! Well, the lesson, not the danger. Not too long into our marriage I felt led of the Lord to give a sum of money to an offering. My husband did not. I did it anyway. That was the last time. Now I try to be lined up under the leadership of my husband. Recently I again expressed an offering idea that I had prayed about and shared it with my husband. As I shared the first part we had exact agreement in amount from our prayers. As I shared the second part my husband did not agree but did say that we could set the offering aside and he would pray about it. I did tell him that if he did not feel led I would be find with that. Internally though, I could fill that old spirit rise up a bit with wanting my way. It was quickly squelched as I remembered. God has given us such a place of protection and humbling ourselves for our own good and to His glory. Thanks for sharing ~ blessings.
I really appreciate you sharing your story Patty.
I do believe there is blessing and protection when we follow the Lord’s leading and direction, and as we yield to our husband’s leadership.
A few years ago, I had another situation regarding submission to my husband (which also involved danger) . . . in that same area of GIVING (but in my story, my husband felt led to give something, but I didn’t want to).
On the day before Christmas Eve, Jon and I were driving home on a foggy, icy road. All of a sudden, he wanted to turn around and to drive to a friend’s home. He strongly felt that we were supposed to give this family $500, right then. Unfortunately, I hesitated and had a negative and grumpy attitude (not knowing if the family would be “good stewards” of the gift) and urged my husband to keep driving and for us to “think about it” for a while.
Only a few minutes later, my husband and I were hit in a terrible head-on collision by a driver who was driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a near-death accident. We both were a little hurt (I was hit by the air bag and one of my eyes went totally blind for a day, and my husband had some arm and back trouble. The car was totaled, and the passengers in the other car had to be rushed to the hospital; but by God’s grace, we were weren’t hurt too bad.) As I have looked back over the situation, I believe that the “urgent” feeling my husband had to turn around was a way that God was trying to protect us and to warn us from even going through the situation at all. It was like He gave us a “way of escape” — if we would choose to take it.
Even so, God was definitely WITH US in the accident, and He helped us through it.
Later, when we talked again about going back and giving that $500 gift to the family, my husband no longer felt at all that we were supposed to give the money. Situations like these are lessons (some learned the hard way
) . . . in becoming more sensitive to listen to the voice of the Lord.
Thank you, Ann, for this post. I am also a missions-minded, strong-willed woman who loves the Lord, her husband AND speaking her mind. LOL. I’m learning the balance of speaking up while still being sensitive to “the line” – which, when I cross it – I’ve stepped over the bounds of just sharing my opinion to blatantly rebelling my husband’s leading. I’ll keep your story in mind in the days to come.
Blessings to you Ruth! It’s good to be strong, but the stronger we are the more surrendered and yielded to God we need to be. Thanks so much for sharing!
I was recently married and we were sitting in a group doing a study in church. My DH was the leader. After a couple of minutes, since he wouldn’t start, I began leading the group. He quickly corrected me that he was leading the group. I became red faced and offended, but kept my composure through the end of the activity.
On the way home, I told him that I was sorry for trying to take the lead. He tried to explain himself but I assured him that he acted correctly and I so appreciated him showing me that he was the leader and that I should not try to over step his position.
You see, I am a strong woman too and I believe that one of the reasons my first marriage ended was because of this trait. The other reason is he wasn’t a Christian. I learned my lesson.
I do have to be reminded over and over though.
But I am getting better at it every day. And I am so glad I have a loving, patient and Christ like husband now. 
Thanks for sharing Tereza! As a husband and wife God has called us to be a team, and it’s a blessing to be in unity. May God give you grace and wisdom in your marriage, for His glory!