The following is an excerpt from an e-mail I received from a friend who is in her early 40s and would love to have more children, but has suffered three miscarriages in a row and is having a hard time getting pregnant. She expresses a truth in a beautiful way, and I thought it might encourage some of you the way it encouraged me.
Indeed, it’s true—sadly–that many women take their healthy pregnancies and babies for granted. There’s a Christian singer/songwriter whom I love named Bethany Dillon. In one of her songs, she softly sings, “Why are some women barren while the wicked’s house is full?” Of course, I know the theological answer to this. Yet, the reality can be a tough one for a woman like me, who may very well be in her “barren zone” in life—yet wanting more children—and often sees many of the wicked (and Christians!) despise the blessing of their children. Ultimately, I come back to the sovereignty of God in it all and His radical grace to all of us.
I was telling another VW mother at the brunch that I believe God opened the eyes of my heart, so to speak, after my third miscarriage (last May). I didn’t doubt God’s plan and wisdom, but there was a part of me that humbly asked, “God, why are you allowing me to keep getting pregnant if it’s just going to end up as a miscarriage?” I also wondered if this is just how it is generally when you’re in your 40’s and you don’t use birth control. I sensed God saying to me, “You asked me to build your family. I am building it—in heaven.” The promise of heaven, as you know, becomes sweeter and more of a true longing when you have children there whom you have never met. Yet, what I sensed God saying to me was very profound–to consider anew how my family is being enlarged, only not the way I would have chosen.
The reality is that I have six children and my heart soars thinking about how we will all dwell together, in an even richer and more intimate way than an earthly family, in heaven. I still long for my earthly family to be built on earth, so I’m continuing to seek the Lord about this and ask Him to do the (seemingly) impossible!
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