Recently, a friend of mine told me, “I get my mail from God now.” She was saying that she doesn’t do things because other Wemmicks tell her to. She gets her mail from God, Himself. Directly. No liaison or go-between. No catalyst.
That’s because only one catalyst was needed, and His name is Jesus Christ. His death on the cross gave all of us, regardless of gender or marital status, direct access to Him. His Holy Spirit lives in us when we put our trust in Him. We all have access to His Words through Scripture. He speaks directly to anyone who has a relationship with Him through His Word and His Spirit, neither of which contradict one another.
Women Don’t Get Mail?
But I was just thinking the other day how, in my former Christian circles, the woman is told that God speaks to her through her “authority.” Her authority as an unmarried woman is her father. Her authority as a married woman is her husband.
According to this thinking, a man hears from God directly. While he is living at home, God speaks through his parents, but when he grows up and leaves, he gets his mail directly from God.
Let’s boil this down:
1. Men hear from God.
2. Women don’t.
Aside from the fact that this is totally $%&$#$, it’s pretty darn convenient for abusive men. If they married a woman with a tender conscience, all they need to do is say, “You are this” or “You are that.” or “Do this” or “Don’t do that.” And the woman must assume it’s coming directly from God, Himself. There is no discussion, because that would be like arguing with God.
Narcissistic abusers love the church. And why wouldn’t they? They already have themselves on the throne of their lives. Religious conservatives holding to hyper-patriarchy simply affirm them in their delusions of Godhood.
And women never grow up.
Seriously. Think about it. If you buy into this, like I did, you get to be a little kid your whole life long. A little girl who is safe as long as she’s got a Daddy to take care of her. Who needs the real God as long as you’ve got a human demi-god watching over your every move?
This system seems to work when a woman has a “good daddy.” A good daddy is actually like Christ, and there is freedom of expression and creativity. There is mutual respect and love. There is kindness and empathy and conflict resolution.
Danger Ditch One: Pride
I say “seems to work” only because sometimes, SOMETIMES (I’m not saying always) a woman with a good daddy can get a little pompous. She may believe all women have good daddy’s if they are good enough little girls. The ones who seem to have issues with their daddy’s are probably not very good. Probably rebellious and cantankerous. Probably demanding and naggy. Unlike her. A good little girl with a good daddy. Then when she has contact with the “naughty girls,” she can feel pretty smug.
Danger Ditch Two: Fear
This little-girl mentality is dangerous in another way. It prevents us from standing up against evil. It makes us susceptible to believing lies. (Cuz I’m sorry – no matter how good a man is, he isn’t God.) It keeps us fearful because, after all, without a daddy’s protection, we will be exposed to Satanic influences and fall away from God. It fosters a sense of panic in young women who believe that they must be married to enjoy God’s full fledged protection and involvement in their lives.
I know from personal experience how this thinking can warp a girl’s perspective. Even though I would not have been able to articulate it at the time, I remember being a single woman at age 23 and feeling that I wasn’t protected by God. Being on my own was highly dangerous. I had to find a man—or else. I didn’t think I was truly complete without a man by my side and babies at my feet.
You Are COMPLETE in Christ!
Don’t get me wrong here. I believe in the institution of marriage. I believe in having children. These are good gifts from a good God, and this is how healthy societies function and grow. What I’m trying to communicate is that if you don’t have a husband or children, you are still a WHOLE person. You are still intact. You still have magnificent purpose on the face of this earth. You are complete IN CHRIST ONLY. No matter what your marital or parenting status is, you will always, always, always have Christ. Nothing can separate you from His love. His power. His plan for you.
Let’s jump out of our “Christian” boxes and jump into the ocean of God’s creative plans for each one of us.
He’s got a few more ideas than you might think, and they’re waiting in YOUR mail box…
This was awesome, Natalie! Thank you. Your Danger Ditch One sounds so much like Debi Pearl’s Created To Be His Helpmeet. That whole book reeks of condescension and pride–even the way that she refers to women who don’t submit. “Dumb clucks”, I think she calls them.
I was posting something about this very thing last week–I was talking specifically about how women needed to confront their husbands if their husbands were in sin–and I had a bunch of men commenting that if women followed my advice about thinking for themselves, fewer Christian men would want to marry. And if there’s already more Christian women than Christian men, then I’m just consigning some women to be forever single, because men wouldn’t put up with that.
I replied that there is no way on this earth I would want my daughters to marry men who never wanted their wives to confront them about sin. I would rather they stay single.
Thankfully, my girls gravitate to Christian circles where both men and women are valued, and both are seen as having the Holy Spirit!
That is unbelievable. So, these “Christian” men want a robot? They can’t “put up” with a real woman? Talk about selfish disconnection. If good sex is what they are looking for, a robot won’t fit the bill, and treating your wife like one won’t inspire them to respond well either.
Thank you for commenting, Sheila. Feel free to post links to your articles. I think the one you are referring to is HERE. (In case any of you reading this want to pop over there!)
Nope, I don’t think that’s it, actually. I can’t find it. (Help?) But the one I linked to is REALLY good as well – so I’m gonna leave the link there.
It is so sad that beliefs can get so tangled up and minds so confused. The Holy Spirit is in each of us and we are all taught by God if we belong to Him. Whether you are a young woman or an elderly woman (or a young man or an elderly man), the best place to find the TRUTH is in the Word of God, asking and allowing the Holy Spirit to teach you and give you understanding. I do believe in positions of authority as GOD lays out, not a twisted, man made, controlling alternative.
You’re a peach. And I totally agree. 😀
I love you even if you don’t.
Stepford Wives much?
I’ve thought of that movie, yes.
Speaking of movies, you might like Higher Ground by Vera Farmiga. It is based on the memoire of Carolyn Briggs.
Notr that it is rated R. Review by Christianity Today here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/augustweb-only/higherground.html
I recently found your website through a link from another. And I love it. I may not have gone through what you have, but your honest sharing means a lot to me.
I love this post, because I recently got into some trouble with the leadership at my Christian mommy’s group. I dared to voice my opinion that Christians who say girls should be raised to be mothers, wives and housekeepers have it wrong. I dared to say that boys should not be raised to be only ambitious career men. And then it got ugly. My faith was questioned, I was compared to Satan who also was rebellious and was warned to not lead others astray. Though most other Christians I have since talked to agree that I treated wrong by them, it was still tough. And that was the extent of my experience with this mindset of legalism. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to grow up like that. I am amazed that God can pull women out of the pits of such lies and let them realize their value to Him, their Savior. Thank you, for what you do! Because hopefully the last strongholds of these dangerous lies disguised in Biblical quotes can be broken. I hope my daughter doesn’t grow up to encounter people who tell here these lies. I hope my son grows up to marry a woman who knows her value to God and doesn’t try to turn him into a semi-god.
I like your points in this, because it is very important to be able to realize that those representing Christ aren’t perfect and can and will make mistakes in that regard. Though, I have also seen it where people will not heed other people’s warnings and thoughts because those people are not God. I see it as needing a balance because we not only have God to speak to us directly, but we are also all part of the body of Christ and sometimes he uses his right hand to snatch something out of his left hand.