Sometimes we cry out to God in what seems to be a vacuum. We cry. Then silence. That almost always happens when we cry and walk away. It’s like a one sided conversation, but mainly because we didn’t stick around to hear a response.
Sometimes we cry out to God and are blown away with a response that is so clear and pointed, we are left with our jaws on the floor. That happened to me yesterday morning. I have a situation in my life that can’t be fixed, from a human standpoint. Paul had a “thorn in the flesh.” Something he couldn’t fix. So this isn’t an odd, unusual situation. In fact, I’m fairly certain most people have something that is “unchangeable” in their lives.
So how do we live with that tension between wanting so badly for what we know would be good and beautiful—and what the reality of our situation is—something bad and ugly?
Yesterday morning I was literally on my knees—no—on my face before God, begging, begging, BEGGING for mercy. I didn’t know what else to pray at that point. I’ve been praying for this for almost half my life because it seems like the kind of thing one should be asking for. Yet there are no breakthroughs. No resolution. No relief.
I was simply saying over and over, in tears, “God, have mercy on me. Oh, dear God – please have mercy on me. Have mercy. What else can I say? I don’t know what to pray anymore. Can You hear me? Do You see me?”
The morning routine was calling my name at that point, and I felt the pull. I picked myself off the bedroom floor and saw my Bible on the nightstand. I was out of time, but I also knew that God speaks through that Book, and I didn’t want to miss anything—if He had anything to say to me in that moment.
I have spent many large portions of my life living in the Psalms, and this past year was a big “Psalm” year for me. My bookmark was in the place I had left off the day before, so I opened it up thinking to get a quick injection of hope from the next Psalm. It was the 116th, and here’s what I read:
I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!” Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed, even when I spoke: “I am greatly afflicted”; I said in my alarm, “All mankind are liars.” What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord, I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. O Lord, I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant. You have loosed my bonds. I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord, in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the Lord!
I love Him. I love Him. I love Him. I am His, and He is mine. Some things can’t be fixed. And some things will never change. Praise His Holy Name.
Thanks, Natalie. I am finding your transparency beautifully refreshing. You are not alone.
Amen, Natalie.
I love it when the Lord meets us in His Word mightily! Here’s a couple that have brought me courage, peace, and comfort when I’m in those dark places. Psalm 90:14-15 – “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil.” I’m praying for us both, Natalie!
Erica
A couple of weeks ago I gathered from another one of your posts that this past year had been particularly challenging, and I felt like I needed to add you to my prayer list. I am praying for you, especially when I look at my wonderful bars of Apple Valley soap I am reminded to do so!
I just want you to know what an encouragement you have been to me. You have a gift with words and God definitely uses them at specific points in my life. I have been meaning to write to encourage you for awhile, but being in survival mode right now (5 kids, ages 9 to 5 months, homeschool, church, activities…well, you know the drill!) it’s hard to even get 5 min to pray let alone email!
Your post a little while back responding to a woman’s letter about “how do you do it all?”-the juggling act-was such a blessing. I had always wondered the same thing-I have 5 kids, not as many as you, no business, no blog, and always wondered how amazing folks like you do it (the heavens to murgatroid line cracked me up! Had to ask sci fi loving hubs about that reference!), and it’s encouraging to remember that God gives us all unique circumstances. Often I feel blessed to get the kids fed, clothed, some Word in them and good books (we won’t be winning any homeschool math awards this year-haha!) Your book recommendations are wonderful and I have often used books you recommended..I’d read all day to them if I could.
There is a post on Ann Voskamp’s blog right now about the Light overcoming the darkness that you might enjoy-it blessed me a lot…we are memorizing parts of John and that was this week’s…
Thanks again for all of your genuine sharing and care for the virtual world of Christian sisters. We are blessed by it and I’m sure many others you don’t know, like me, are praying for you too.
Oh, thank you Amy. Thank you for the encouragement and for your prayers. Prayers are not wasted. They are powerful. I sometimes wonder at the ways that God is using His body, the Church, to release His power in the spiritual “heavenlies” where battles are fought and won for His glory. All the yuck we each carry here is part of a larger struggle that we can’t see. I’m so grateful for the ways my sisters in Christ are fighting with me through the work of prayer. I know that my trials are light compared to the trials of many others. I can’t wait to stand together with you one day in victory as we see the panorama of our lives and all that God did. Let’s keep trusting Him together. He will not fail.
I needed to read this today. I thank you for it, because it seems I’ve been crying out for God’s sweet mercy for ever so long.
I remember a song I learned in High-School choir that was based off of Psalm 51, that goes
“Have mercy on me, Oh God,
Have mercy on me Oh God!
For my sin is ever before m;
the transgressions of my heart
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on me”
During this challenging season, I find myself singing it more often than not, particularly in my shower time. (Jesus lives in my shower. I know I can always find Him there.)
LOL! Jesus is there – and also every single creative idea I’ve ever had. It is the birthplace of much good. (Not to mention that it is cleansing and feels good.)
Thanks for this, Natalie.
God is at work, teaching us to trust in whatever circumstance we may be in. I am watching Him send some floods in many families, and the polishing is beautiful to behold!
Love the song, too!
Blessings,
Terry
Thanks for posting this, Natalie. I too have something so dear to my heart that I have been praying over for years. I became so weary of praying and crying out to God. I began to wonder if I am placing too much emphasis on this, yet like you, it sure seems like this is something I SHOULD be praying for! Well, long story short, I came to the place where I really felt like I had to stop praying specifically for this one thing because it was not healthy. I felt it was hindering me in my walk with God as I was focusing too much on what seemed right and fair and borderline demanding what I viewed as right/justice. And if justice wasn’t to be served then I needed to understand WHY in tarnation not! God graciously revealed this to me. And reminded me that He did not owe me an explanation. (That’s one of the perks of being God.) Well, long story short, I felt it was time to throw off this burden as it was hindering my walk with God and the rest of my Christian life and simply pray for God’s will to be done and start thanking him for what was coming because He IS God after all and He is good and what he does is good! I don’t know that God will ever grant me mercy from my situation but I can know that He loves me and will do what’s best in this fallen world from His eternal perspective. Just as he did with Joseph and Job and many others. (Which by the way, it almost seems like their circumstances were more for us than for them.) And even the death of our beloved Savior, no human understood at the time. The reality is that it wasn’t “right and fair” in human terms but when will I accept that God’s ways are not my ways? I may not understand but still I can trust Him and His great love for me and my family. I don’t know that you should stop praying, but changing my prayers sure helped to change my focus! It can never hurt to dwell on the goodness of God.
Thanks for sharing your heart! I appreciate you!
Wonderful thoughts, Kim. Thank you for sharing them. Still working through the confusion of my own situation which affects many people I love. Also wishing I could respond better – more consistently. Also, there’s this that God gave to me about 10 months ago:
“It is very apparent from the word of God, that he is wont often to try the faith and patience of his people, when crying out to Him for some great and important mercy, by withholding the mercy sought, for a season; and not only so, but at first to cause an increase of dark appearances. And yet He, without fail, at last succeeds those who continue instant in prayer, with all perseverance, and will not let him go except he blesses.” Jonathan Edwards
Thank you for sharing this. If you told me this in real life I would give you a hug so here ((hug)).
I’ll pray for you.
Hug ya back!
Thanks for sharing this quote! It’s encouraging. I struggled for a long time with how much and how long to keep praying. My biggest problem was that I was not “able” to pray and leave it with God, but would carry the burden day after day. It really wore on me. I kept reminding God that it was still there: “Okay, God, it’s your turn now. Remember how this prayer thing works? I pray (according to your Word of course) and then you answer! Got it?!” I think I am in a season of learning to just rest and know that He is God and does all things well. I am sure there is a perfect balance between praying/hoping and trusting/resting but I have yet to find it.
Me too.
Natalie, I have been there with you in that “some things can’t be fixed” situation. You are working through it and you are going to be fine, but it is a hard place to be. May the Lord give you His peace that passes all understanding about the matter.
Thank you Barbara.
Thank you, Natalie. Really. Thank you.
I do not have any burden lifting insights other than you are not alone, sometimes even our “good” things won’t work His good as much as our “ugly”. It stinks to be stuck unanswered or feeling like you have received a no even when yes would be good and beautiful.
Natalie, I’ve been where you are (and, because some things can’t be fixed, still am). There’s a point at which hope for a particular thing to change flies out of the window, and what you’re left with, rather than hopelessness, is a purer Hope in Jesus. Your faith is a beacon to me, and to the people who know you personally, I’m sure. Praying for you, my friend.
Oh Cindy. (((Hug)))