Shut Up Wives

Practical Theology for Women
July 28, 2014

I’m an outspoken, feisty person. My husband is gentle and kind and easygoing. After I heard about the “shut your wife up or I’ll shut her up for you,” I spent years stifling my voice, afraid I’d get my loving husband “in trouble” with church leadership. All of this destroyed me because … it was coming from a pastor in the pulpit. I trusted him because he kept preaching about needing to blindly trust your pastors, and I didn’t want to disobey God. I feel like his teaching targets women from abusive backgrounds and screws them up further by insisting on trust and then spewing a skewed view of women.

Read the rest of The Harmful Teaching of Wives as Their Husband’s Porn Stars

Comments (6) | | Posted on: July 29, 2014 in Links
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6 thoughts on “Shut Up Wives”

  1. Yuck.

    “I’m an outspoken, feisty person. My husband is gentle and kind and easygoing. After I heard about the “shut your wife up or I’ll shut her up for you,”

    That describes my husband and I. The only difference is that if someone told my husband “shut Melinda up or I’ll shut her up for you” I think he’d physically attack the speaker. My husband is not violent in speech or action – I’ve only heard him raise his voice once in 4 years and that was to intervene when a woman (a stranger we didn’t know) was being hit – but he would never stand by while anyone threatened me.

    That entire post was heart-breaking.

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  2. WOW! My heart has been stirred… you know when the Lord is speaking to you because you hear the same message from different sources. I found Joel and Kathy Davisson last week. Their message is a breath of fresh air. Check out the link: https://www.youtube.com/user/savemartg

    There is so much to say but I am so bad with words. :( I loved the song “Try”.

    I used to wear make up and put my sexy on. It got me into all the wrong arms. Then I married my husband 13 years ago and he said he loved me just the way I am. God used him to heal me. My low self esteem is gone. I don’t wear make up. When I do put it on, once or twice a year, my kids don’t get the black stuff around my eyes. :) I stopped coloring my hair over 8 years ago. I weigh more now than when I got married. I am turning 43 years old. BUT I am loved, wanted, desired and accepted just the way I am. I have the best s*x life by God’s grace. :)

    I don’t wear make up to church. I have met friends, when running errands, who were hiding behind dark sunglasses because they hadn’t put their face on before leaving the house thinking they wouldn’t meet anyone they knew. “Just be yourself. Nobody cares if you don’t have make up on.” I reply when they apologize for looking the way they are.

    I know I am blessed. Blessed to have a husband who loves me so. But the solution is not to ask women to submit more, or submit to wrongdoings, but to bring husbands back to their roles of lovers and providers. Why do we try so hard? Jesus loves us just as we are. And His love transforms us into who He has called us to be. All His doings, none of ours.

    Thank you for stirring our hearts, Natalie. :)

    Reply

    • I just went to check out your link, and I listened to about 5 minutes worth – and I’m really excited to listen to more while I clean up the kitchen tonight. Thank you so much for sharing that! How did you find them, just curiously? I’ve never heard of them before. PLUS – I always love hearing more tidbits about your life, Tereza.

      Just today I had facial done (a rare treat to get ready for my son’s wedding in a couple of weeks), and my face looked pretty bad when it was over. I was tempted to go straight home, but I needed to get some party favors for my daughter’s birthday tea, and the Dollar Store was RIGHT THERE. I remembered that song – and it gave me just the boost I needed to go in and shop with not only no make up on, but a face that was looking pretty pinched and worked over. My hair looked horrible too. I think that was a good step for me. I lived with 4 years of major bullying from 4th-8th grade, and I’ve struggled ever since to be in public looking “bad.” I’ve never felt pretty enough or good enough. God is honing in on this area though, and that song hit me. Another secular song that God has used to encourage me is Brave by Sara Bareilles. (Check out the Youtube video – it’s kind of fun.) I hardly ever listen to secular music, but for some reason He has brought those songs to my attention lately through various means.

      Reply

      • Natalie, I found them because of your series. I remembered a blogger who I used to read often that all of sudden, a few months back, dropped a bomb saying that her husband had left her and 5 kids. They are a Christian homeschooling family but apparently from her post she was suffering abuse from him. I was floored and really sad/ disappointed by it all. It made our already imperfect world seem all the more horrible. :( http://www.wholefamilystrong.com

        Anyway, I went to check the latest updates on her blog because of your series and found Erik Matlock. He is a contributor on her site. On his site, he talks about being an abusive husband and how Joel and Kathy Davisson kept him from losing his wife and family. I clicked on a link on his site and read and watched everything I could on what Joel and Kathy teach.

        I am still digesting it all and studying BUT from what I have gathered so far, my life is the fruit of Jesus’ love for me and my husband’s love for me. BOth of these men’s sacrificial love has changed, healed and transformed me. As the bride of Christ and my husband’s, my needs are to be met by them. As they meet my needs, I respond in love, respect, honor. (I just finished reading the story of Ruth – another woman rescued by her redeemer. This is definitely very anti-feminism. You got to check out A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers too.)

        I was really struggling with an area of my marriage that my husband was feeling hurt and wounded because of his past experiences and just did not want to behave in love toward me. Because of Joel and Kathy’s teachings, the Lord was able to help me communicate to my husband my needs in this area. For the first time, in 13 years, he heard me and we are now dealing with this issue in a mature and loving way. He was finally able to hear my heart and see that I was not trying to rob his “power” or control him, but as his wife, this area of our marriage needed to be shared/ discussed too like any other if we are to be one.

        We have had great victories in this past week alone. :) God is good! He does answers prayers.

        I believe the one sided submission message that has been preached to the Body of Christ has kept many men from growing up and becoming who God intended them to be. When you can blame on another your faults, you can keep yourself from taking responsibility for your actions and never grow and mature.

        Reply

        • That’s very interesting. I went over there to see if I could find out the story – but after surfing for 10 minutes, I found nothing related. Can you link me specifically to her story? Or maybe she took it off the site? I’m really curious about what she experienced with her husband and what is happening to her now. Thank you for the book recommendations too!

          Reply