One of the unique and helpful things about the upcoming book, Three Decades of Fertility, is that all ten authors EACH answer 11 survey questions that were collected in the fall of 2012. These questions were compiled from over a hundred responses of women just like you. Readers who wanted to know how ten older women who had given birth to children over the course of three decades would answer.

I thought it would be fun to share just three answers with you here—as a sort of teaser.

8. How does having babies in your 40s affect your relationship with your husband? Don’t I owe him some of my best years? 

This is so important! Yes, your husband deserves your best years, but there is not an either/or choice involved: husband or children, which do I love more? Many women, being so busy with babies and children, neglect the man who is the head of the home and forget about their calling as his helpmeet. There are very few marriages of older couples we know who appear to be truly happy and loving toward one another. This is very sad and totally unnecessary. So many women think they have to find a balance between husband and children, but the real problem often lies in an improper view of self and family. Women sometimes think their “sacrifices” for the family are selfless when they are really being selfish: the problem comes not from too much attention directed to the children, but from women who find too much self-fulfillment from their children. Children are easier to control than a husband.

Too much focus on children is often too much focus on self. Yes, the daily trials of home and the expenditure of energy required for pregnancy and childbirth make it difficult to keep things in proper perspective. You must make a disciplined effort to honestly look at yourself, your emotions, your schedule, and the way you relate to your children compared to the way you relate to your husband. Be honest in your assessment of yourself and make changes if you must. It’s easy to operate from fear and see your family as a reflection of YOU, worrying that their lives depend on Mommy being perfect. But God gives life, breath, and all things, and He gives us the privilege of being the means to being a small part of those things for our children. However, He gives us the greater privilege of being a picture, together with our husbands, of the intimate relationship between Christ and the Church. Don’t forget it.

~Taken from Carmon Friedrich’s chapter, Progressive Revelation

3. What about the ethical issues of repeated miscarriages? Shouldn’t I avoid conception if I know that the chances of that child living are minimal? Am I enabling death when I should be promoting life?

The answer to this question depends on who you believe ought to give and take life. If you believe it is the power and prerogative of human beings to give and take life, then yes, there might be ethical reasons to avoid pregnancy if you continue to miscarry. (Although there are no moral ethics when you take God out of the picture.) In addition, if you believe that this brief life on earth is all there is—then you’d be a fool not to do what it takes to avoid repeated miscarriages.

But. If there is a God, and if there is more to our lives than a short stint on earth, then the lives we conceive, whether they live for a day, a month, 5 years or 95 years, are lives that belong to that God to do as He pleases. If He sees fit to propagate eternity with a dozen of your children, can you live with that? I mean, can you live for an eternity with that? It is hard to live with that here on earth. But if our vision is so short sighted that we cannot see eternity, then we will make cross-eyed decisions that will have eternal consequences; some of which we may never fully comprehend. I know I don’t want to mess with God’s plans. I’m just a simple Wemmick.

I’ve got five babes in heaven right now, and while I sure don’t relish the thought of losing more, I am confident that I will have the supreme joy and delight of knowing and loving every single one of those people forever. When I’m with them, I seriously doubt I’ll ever look at them and say, “Jeepers, losing you on earth really wasn’t worth it. I wish you had never been conceived. I sure would have been a lot happier down there.“

~Taken from Natalie Klejwa’s chapter, Eternal Treasure

4. Do pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery get harder in your 40s? I already feel like I’m coming apart at the seams! How will I hold out until menopause if I keep having babies? Am I acting responsibly when it comes to taking care of my health?

God created women to bear children. A pregnant forty year old may need to be more careful about her diet and exercise than she was when she was younger, but if she is in normal health she should be capable of carrying a child without endangering her health. My pregnancy at age 40 went much more smoothly than my pregnancy at age 26. All pregnancies involve some pain and discomfort for the mother, no matter what her age, but these momentary trials pale in comparison to the inestimable worth of a precious child.

With that said, you should prayerfully and honestly consider whether the “threat” to your health is a general risk that would apply broadly to any woman your age. Or have you been told by a doctor that you have particular risks which would endanger your health if you were to become pregnant again? If a doctor or health professional has told you that having more children will seriously endanger you, then you and your husband may have good reason to be concerned about protecting your health, for your sake and for the sake of the family He has already given you. I would include in this category serious mental health issues, which may be exacerbated by pregnancy.

Much wisdom and prayer is needed in addressing each individual situation. What we must resist is the current cultural trend which puts forth the idea that childbearing is somehow bad for us. Often when people talk about taking care of their health, they may be thinking more about their figure or their creature comforts than about actual life-endangering problems. Our culture places so much emphasis on “taking care of me.”

We must realize that as we age, our health and our beauty will degrade as a result of the Fall. Our culture is a death denying—and therefore an age denying—culture, where women are encouraged to take drastic, even unnatural steps to preserve their health and beauty. Our bodies serve a purpose, and bringing children into this world is part of that purpose for most women.

My body bears the marks of delivering 5 children, and it is not in the shape that it once was. But I glory in that! My body is only a temporary home for my spirit, and one day it will wear out, but the children God was pleased to bring into this world through my body will live eternally. I can think of no nobler use for my body than that. And even as I approach menopause, and my own body begins to bear testimony in its decline that this world is not my home, I rejoice in the knowledge that one day I will be given a glorified body without infirmity or blemish which I will be able to enjoy eternally.

~Taken from Molly Evert’s chapter, God Changed My Heart