By Natalie, Editress of Visionary Womanhood
A Fruitful Tree
A few years ago I read an article in the Above Rubies magazine that graphically illustrated the potential of a family in the history of the world simply by multiplying. This picture is the family tree of Daniel Steiner, represented by the trunk (1746-1811). It is apparent that he had lots of children. And then his children had lots of children.
And so forth.
I guess they took that silly little outdated verse in the Bible about being fruitful and multiplying—you know—the one that’s only for those old fashioned Bible characters, but not for us enlightened, modern Wemmicks—seriously.
The result? A really big tree.
I know what you’re thinking. “Aw shucks. We’ll all have a really big tree after a few hundred years. That’s just the way it works.”
Not so. The next picture shows what Steiner’s tree would look like today had he and his posterity only had four children each.
“FOUR CHILDREN! That’s a lot of little rugrats!” Yes, today if you have four children, you have a large family. And this tree is what you end up with after 200 years.
Big tree? Not so much.
And here’s what your tree looks like if you have today’s typical family of “A boy for me, a girl for you.”
Not all that impressive, huh?
Now, if you don’t give a rip what your family tree looks like 200 years after you are 6 feet under, then you won’t be interested in the rest of this post. If you’d sort of like to see your tree look like the first one—but it makes you kind of nervous—you’re not alone!
(GINORMOUSLY HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE: Many women are unable to have large families for myriads of reasons. This post is not intended to discourage them, nor is it meant to become a weapon in any reader’s arsenal to shame or criticize sisters with small families. Sarah had one child, Isaac, and through that child God grew the nation of Israel.
So don’t be discouraged because you have a small tree. You can instill a vision for the future in your CHILDREN by upholding the value of life and giving them a long term, eternal perspective. My parents only had three daughters, but they now have 18 grandchildren. This will only exponentially increase as we continue to pass the vision on.)
A Recent E-mail:
I would like to ask you a question about contraception. My husband and I have decided not to use hormonal contraception because of the risk of causing an abortion. We are currently hoping to conceive, and therefore are not using any means to prevent pregnancy.
My husband and I are not entirely sure what to think about the movement among Christians to reject any use of contraception. I understand the Biblical basis for joyfully welcoming children; and seeing children as a blessing and not a curse. As I mentioned, my husband and I do hope to have a large family. However, we are not convinced that there is absolutely no warrant for the use of contraception in any case. Thus the reason for my inquiry. My desire is to make my decisions in the light of Scripture, not in light of the current trends of this godless generation. What would you say is the Biblical basis for never using contraception/ never preventing conception?
The Bible also commands us to provide for our children and to care for them. My husband’s concern, for instance, is that of growing such a large family that we would be unable to provide for them. I am not talking about providing each child with his own room, designer clothes, or other such creature comforts that we can do without. I am referring to shelter and our daily bread. This point comes home to us especially poignantly in light of a recent event in our family. My ******** just adopted a **** from *****. This child was put in an orphanage because the family had many children and could not afford to care for the youngest one. The story ends happily — with the child now living in a Christian home — but it simply illustrates the potential problem of having so many children that a family becomes unable to properly care for them.
We Can’t Have a Baby Because Y2K is Coming!
Here’s a little story for you. Thirteen years ago we had two sons, 5 and 3 years old. We’d had a miscarriage and then hadn’t been able to get pregnant again for a year. Now we were 9 months away from the year 2,000.
Or Y2K, as we all called it back then.
We were a little apprehensive about what the following year might hold for us. We had just finished up several years of full time ministry where we were making about $25,000 a year, and my husband was holding down odds and ends types of jobs to pay the bills while he looked for a job in his field of engineering.
There were no jobs like that.
There was nothing hopeful on the horizon for us financially. And Y2K was coming! So my husband decided that it would be best if we prevented pregnancy until Y2K had blown over. I was very disappointed, but it did seem like that would be the wisest course of action considering our life circumstances.
I started to think about the worst case scenario if we did get pregnant. Here’s what I came up with:
Story Number One
We get pregnant with an eternal, living soul created by the Creator of the Universe. It grows in my womb. Y2K hits hard. Computers explode. The economy collapses. Joe not only has no work, but we literally have no food. We lose our home and end up living on the streets. We scrape food out of garbage cans just to survive. Our baby is born in an alley and dies of exposure. Her spirit leaves this earth and she goes to her ultimate destiny where she fulfills the purpose for which her Creator made her.
The rest of our family eventually joins her in eternity and enjoys her life in the presence of the King forever. We are all really thankful that she was created. Forever.
Story Number Two
Our baby is born and DOESN’T die of exposure. Instead she slowly wastes away in hunger as I am unable to produce enough milk to nourish her tiny, frail body. I have to watch her and my sons suffer. It’s horrible and nightmarish. Eventually we pull out of it and eke out a living eating roots and berries the rest of our lives on a small plot of land in the country somewhere.
The little girl grows up and brings glory to her Creator with her life, raises 10 children, several of whom end up influencing the course of history by their lives. She eventually dies and goes to her ultimate destiny where she fulfills the purpose for which her Creator made her. At the time of her death she has 763 children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren with all their spouses.
The rest of our family joins her in eternity and enjoys her life in the presence of the King forever. We are all really thankful that she was created. Forever. (And that’s not counting the 763 plus members that exist because God created HER!)
Story Number Three
Just kidding. But do you see where I’m going with this? It doesn’t matter how the story goes, the ending is the same. And it’s glorious!
It’s the middle part we can’t deal with.
Why? Because we don’t know that part of the story, and it bugs us. Whether we like to admit it or not, we Wemmicks are all control freaks. But did you know that whenever we let go of our own control over ANY aspect of life and put our hope and trust in God, we are exercising His dominion rights on earth?
Our Y2K daughter (and her brother) born in March, 2000.
Living for the Dot or the Line?
I wanted to explain to my husband how I was beginning to see this whole thing from a brand new perspective. An eternal, dominion-oriented perspective. So I drew a dot on the left hand side of a paper turned lengthwise. Then I connected a long line to it with an arrow indicating that it would go on infinitely.
I talked with Joe about how this dot was our life of maybe 70-80 years here on earth, while the line was our eternal destiny. We realized how incredible it was that the choices we made during the dot would impact that eternal line in billions of different ways. We realized that living in faith for that line was what the dot was all about.
And no matter how sad or bad the dot was—it was, after all, only a dot.
Could we not trust our Creator with that dot? Did we have to live in fear of what lay around the next corner, or could we step out in faith, believing that God was sovereign over that dot and would perform all His good pleasure if we would but lay it at His feet?
What Really Happened in the Story. So Far.
We decided to let go of that control, and one month later, God created Aimee. Now the miracle about Aimee was that she was born, 7 years to the day, on the birthday of our first daughter, Elizabeth, who died at birth due to prematurity. God had a special gift for us. Oh, how happy I am that we let Him give it! And I will be happy about that choice for all eternity.
And so may millions of other people who “result” from that letting go and trusting God. Because, you see, the story isn’t over. God is still in the process of writing it! It’s guaranteed to be good, and I love playing my small part. I can’t wait to get to the “other side” and find out the billions of things that happened all over the world because of how God used one small Wemmick like me.
And you.
If you’d like to read more, I address some other nuances of this issue in my Pendulum Post called To Fill or Not to Fill the Quiver.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21
The above “Family Tree” pictures can be found in the excellent book by Robert Andrews, The Family: God’s Weapon for Victory.
My Little Wemmicks and Me. Davey Boy is tucked inside of me in this picture.
Love, Love, Love!!! Love the tree illustrations, love the wisdom, love the family pictures even though I am somewhat angry (in a loving sort of way) that you look so cute pregnant!
Thank you soo much for this encouragement. We have to be reminded so often to keep an eternal focus. I can’t be reminded enough! Because the days can be hard and it’s easy to lose the vision.
“Because the days can be hard and it’s easy to lose the vision.”
Oh boy, can I relate to that. Keep pressin’ on sister. “Faces like flint”
I’m slogging away right next to ya!
Oh, and I meant to add…Davey Boy was only about 28 days into existence when this picture was taken. If you saw me 28 WEEKS into his existence, “Cute” would not be the word you’d be using to describe me.
Hello there! The letter you used above asks the question, “What would you say is the Biblical basis for never using contraception/ never preventing conception?”. That is a VERY good question and one that I have been wondering for a long time. I completely understand why not to use any abortifacients, that’s obvious! But what about other methods such as barriers and … not getting any in *there*.. (sorry I don’t know how to say that modestly, hopefully you get what I’m saying). Is there any Scriptural clear evidence on limiting family size, or using methods to space children? Do you believe that the Holy Spirit could be allowing us to play a role in the conception of children by letting us know when and when not to allow the sperm to come into contact with the egg? Thank you!
Melissa, I don’t think there IS a Biblical argument for NEVER using natural means (Natural Family Planning being the best option here) to prevent pregnancy under specific circumstances. (You COULD make a Biblical argument for not spilling seed…and any barrier methods that could potentially kill a baby.) I believe those kinds of circumstances are few and far between though…and between a couple and God after MUCH study/prayer/conviction. (And they most likely do not include financial reasons…and I base that opinion on what God teaches about money, contentment, and God’s promised provision of all our NEEDS…{not wants}). We have to be careful not to read into the Bible things that are not there; yet we do need to be careful not to swing pendulums in the other direction either and assume that we are just “Free” to do whatever we choose or however we “feel”. Thank goodness George Mueller didn’t turn away orphans because of financial worries. Because he trusted God to provide for needs, he fed and cared for hundreds of people. I focused mainly on that aspect in this particular article based on the issue brought up regarding finances. To read more, check out the pendulum post on this topic.
Grace to you!
Natalie~ I LOVED this post!!! What an amazing picture, those family trees! I’m going to go check out that book you suggested. And your last reply was exceptional! 😉
Blessings!!
Thank you for the encouragement Jennifer! Just a heads up for any readers though…the reply Jennifer is referring to is no longer here. The commenter I was replying to requested that her comment be removed from the blog; hence, I removed my reply as well. : ) Sweet confusion.
I love the family tree illustration! Great post and I completely agree.
I read your Quiverfull Pendulum article and I want to say thank you! We have 6 children. We were placed into the tough spot of choosing to continue bearing OR obeying train up our children. My odd health issues made it into an “either or situation”. I could continue to produce children without being able to function in a day-to-day capacity or to train them OR cease bearing and train the ones we have. After much seeking we felt that it was ok for us to stop permanently as the goal is godly children not just sheer numbers. I know there are many sinful selfish stupid reasons that people stop having children but sometimes there are real God honoring reasons also. Thank you for being reasonable and not extremist. Follow Jesus but He doesn’t always have us all walk the same path.
Very interesting post. I especially enjoyed the family tree images. My husband and I did not seek God’s word on this subject until 6 years after we were married. The thing that struck us the most was that if we truly believe that God is the author of life and that He is the one that is in control of opening and closing the womb, then what is the need for birth control? He will only give us what he has planned for us and only what we can handle. There are no accidents or mistakes with God. Will it be easy? No. Will there be dying to self? yes. But what great joy in giving the control to the Lord and seeing the fruit for eternity. It’s not about how many children, it’s about surrendering it all to Christ and giving Him control of every aspect of your life.
I’m curious your thoughts on spacing children for medical reasons. My husband and I are really struggling with this decision. We just had our second child (they are 22 months apart) and both deliveries have been very difficult. With the first I had a 3rd degree tear/episiotomy and it was not repaired properly, but we didn’t know that until that until I delivered our second and I ended up with another 3rd degree tear in addition to my birth canal basically giving way and after the baby was out, I had a man-sized-fist amount of birth canal hanging on the outside of me. It’s been properly repaired this time (I hope) so I should be able to deliver normally again provided it heals properly and fully. We would love a large family, but also feel it’s necessary to be mindful of my health. I/we are struggling to find the seemingly fine line between “blind” faith (not avoiding at all and just expecting God to take care of the details) and being a good steward of the body God gave me (giving my body a reasonable amount of time to heal first). Additionally, I am concerned about getting each pregnancy’s excess weight off each time before getting pregnant again to avoid becoming a mom of many who can’t keep up with her children. Thoughts or words of wisdom?
Hi Jamie,
Yes, it is these types of situations that I address briefly in my other article (the quiver one, although I don’t spell out any details mainly because there are so many different situations that could arise.) This is the kind of thing you and your husband must decide on your own between you and God. Consult Him through His Word. It will take faith to move in either direction. My only encouragement would be to avoid anything permanent by way of birth control. That is the one “method” that countless couples regret. I personally know many of them…some who have had reversals with the happy outcome of more children, and some who have had reversals and have been infertile anyway. There is so much pain involved with that method. I guess I would take it one month at a time, prayerfully committing your ways to God and asking Him for wisdom. He promises to give it if we ask and do not doubt. I will say that I know children who are alive today in spite of parental health issues (Just even speaking for myself…I’ve had many pregnancy complications, bedrest, and deal with ongoing chronic pain because of my pregnancies), so there is potential for miracles and the joy of parenting another child in spite of physical challenges. When evaluating your specific health concerns before the Lord, ask Him to show you which ones are issues that would call for drastic, eternal consequences…and which ones might not. We can perhaps live with extra weight and difficulty keeping up with children for a few short years if it means leaving an eternal legacy that effects millions of people. Perhaps other issues would involve more prayerful thought and study of God’s Word. God knows your situation! He wants to help you reach a decision in which you will be able to find joy and peace. Grace to you!