In our family of 11, there are 55 different relationship combinations. Under one roof. That’s a lot of potential blessing…and a lot of potential pain. Wemmicks get close, and then suddenly…ouch. Back off. Pain. Anger. Revenge. Sadness and sometimes…depression.
If you’re human, and if you live with humans, you’ve battled this. And sometimes when you’ve worked through all the garbage and found a place of forgiveness and peace…another incident occurs that hurtles you into another tailspin, and you’re back to square one.
We know the keys are repentance and forgiveness. But how do we get there…over and over? And how do we teach our older children to do something we struggle with ourselves?
I want to share four focus points along with a prayer I’ve used over the years to help me deal with my most difficult relationships.
1. Learn, along with your children, that Wemmicks are small and God is BIG. Wemmicks will hurt one another. But the Wemmick-Maker is always faithful. Always “there.” Always involved. Always loving. Always watchful.
He doesn’t operate out of selfish motives. He doesn’t make a promise and never keep it. He doesn’t lie. He doesn’t play favorites. He doesn’t play tricks. He’s not out to “get something.”
We must not look to Wemmicks for what only God can give.
Resource recommendation: When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
2. Be humble enough to acknowledge the ways you betray others. Repent and seek forgiveness. Accept the forgiveness that God offers to you through Jesus Christ. Be free.
See “The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant” for more insights.
Recommended resource: Rekindling Your Spirit by Paul F. Singh
3. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Recognizing that ALL circumstances in which we find ourselves have been sovereignly allowed by God, including difficult relationships, we can look for His hand at work in them and be thankful for all He is doing to strengthen us, build His kingdom and bring glory to Himself.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
Resource recommendation: The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs. You can get it for only $.99 on your Kindle!
4. Be prepared for this to be a life-long exercise of faith. Perhaps there are some who can deal with something once and be done with it for all eternity, but for the majority of us, it is an ongoing battle. This doesn’t mean we’ve failed! It means God is stretching us beyond what we can “handle” on our own human effort…and we must learn to daily (hourly!) lean on the strength and power of God. For my money, this is the best place to be!
Go through a study of the Bible on this topic with an older child who is struggling in this area. For an especially thorough, comforting, and empowering resource, I recommend Encountering the Healing Power of Forgiveness by Shawn Lantz. Another good resource is Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
(Please note: if you are reading this in an e-mail, you’ll need to click through to the blog to watch the video.)
Thank you, my forgiving Heavenly Father, for the mind of Christ that enables me to forgive as You have forgive me. I place all my expectations on the alter to You. My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him (Psalm 61:1). I forgive all offenses of sin, weakness, and failure of _______ against me. You created us in Your image, and I choose to forgive ________ for not yet becoming all You created him/her to be. I accept __________with needs, wounds, and hurts that need the healing that only You can give.
Forgive me for looking to a person to give me the love and affirmation that only Jesus can give. You are my Healer, my Satisfaction, and my Joy, and I will look to You for affirmation. As Jesus enables us to forgive and accept one another, perfect in us His holy character of unconditional love and servanthood. Forgive me for my own selfishness and performance-based acceptance of _________. Love _________ through me.
Enable us to extend grace to each other with unconditional acceptance. Let us choose no longer to strive with one another, demanding change, love, unselfishness, or understanding. Let us truly and freely choose to forgive. A family that is living in freedom consists of good forgivers. Free us from judgement, bitterness, resentment, anger, retaliation, and wall-building. Let us be free to release each other to Your love, power, and purposes.
As God enables me, I will live at peace with _______. His/her wrong actions no longer have permission to wound my spirit. I do not have to react to them, because I choose to take them to the cross of Jesus Christ. I choose to live above anger, unforgiveness, and hurt. Jesus is my Life, and by God’s grace working in me, I am an overcome in His Spirit. I will honor _______as someone Jesus died for. I will bless _______, giving love that never fails time to do its work. Love through me without reservation with the heart of the Father, the grace of the Son, and the power of the Spirit.
Thank You, loving Father, that I am free in Jesus, seated at Your right hand. I am released to be a channel of Your freedom, forgiveness, and healing love to our family. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Taken from For the Family by Sylvia Gunter