We’re Christians. That means we just have to love on everyone. Right? “They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our love.” True. But. There are actually two types of people that God gives us permission to avoid. They both look like believers and talk like believers and act like believers, but they are not believers. Their favorite hang out is the church, but they are not sheep. They are toxic.
One type is talked about at great length in Proverbs in the Old Testament, and we find the other type in the gospels of the New Testament. I’ve been thinking a lot about them lately. Comparing and contrasting them. I thought I’d share a few thoughts with you because I think God highlighted them in His Word for a reason. I think He wants us to notice them and eradicate any hints of their kind of sin from our lives. I think He also wants us to avoid them, period. We can’t avoid them if we can’t recognize them.
First, how about some definitions:
Pharisees
Book to read: Accidental Pharisees by Larry Osborne. (“Accidental” because Osborne is writing to Christians who “accidentally” fall into the sin of the Pharisees.)
- Compare themselves to others.
- Raise the bar to keep the less spiritual out.
- Legalistic.
- Make extra rules to ensure proper obedience to God’s Word.
- Idolize the past.
- Seek uniformity.
- Fail to bear with others.
- Envious of the gifts of others.
- Inspire guilt in themselves and others.
Fools
Book to read: Foolproofing Your Life by Jan Silvious
- Closed minded.
- Hard hearted.
- Spiritually empty.
- Always “right” and never “wrong.”
- Trust themselves alone.
- Deceitful.
- Satisfied with themselves.
- Refuse to change.
- Angry. (May not always show it outwardly, but can be passive aggressive)
- Create chaos and fighting.
- Cause destruction.
- Make the same destructive choices over and over and over. They never learn from their mistakes.
- They enjoy their foolishness.
- Passive.
The Common Threads
It’s interesting to see how much they have in common. Put the word “Prideful” after each line, and in most cases it fits there. Pride is at the heart of all sin, so that makes sense. Pride is thinking we know better than God. Self on the Throne.
Also, I think “Controlling” works for both types too. They want to control other people to suit their agendas. They think in terms of power.
“Deceptive” fits in both categories as well. Pharisees clean the outside of the cup, hiding the garbage inside; fools deceive others to create confusion and pain.
How Do We Relate to Fools and Pharisees?
Relating with Pharisees
How did God relate? Jesus walked on the earth and talked to Pharisees. What did He say? To those who were sincerely seeking (Nicodemus) He gave of His time and wisdom. He had no time for the rest. When they asked Him questions, He gave brief, pointed answers and moved on. Sometimes He said a lot of really mean things to them. Here’s just a sampling:
“Beware of the scribes, who like to walk around in long robes, and love greetings in the marketplaces and the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feasts, who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation.” (Luke 20:46-47)
“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.” (Matthew 23:13-15)
Jeepers, it sounds like Jesus wasn’t as impressed with them as they were of themselves. That means we don’t need to be impressed either. Not when we see it in others, and not when we see it in ourselves. I love that we have freedom to walk away. We don’t have to bow to the religious elite. We don’t bow to those who set themselves up as more holy than others because they keep more rules than others. We bow only to King Jesus. We are holy and righteous because His blood covers the doorpost of our heart. Not because we went to church on Sunday. (And no, I’m not saying this is an excuse to live like the devil. Shall we continue in sin that Grace might increase?)
Jesus said, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man “unclean;” but eating with unwashed hands does not make him “unclean.” (Matthew 15:19-20)
Relating with Fools
I’m sure there were plenty of fools Jesus ran into as well, but the book that tells us how to define and relate to fools is Proverbs. Here are a few tips on how to spot one (no assuming necessary – just trust that what God says is true:)
“…fools despise wisdom and discipline.” (1:7)
“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them.” (1:32)
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes.” (12:15)
“...the folly of fools is deception.” (14:8)
“Fools mock at making amends for sin.” (14:9)
“…a fool is arrogant and careless” (14:16)
“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.” (18:2)
“…a fool repeats his folly.” (26:11)
“He who trusts in his own heart is a fool,” (28:26)
Do you know someone like that? Most of us probably know a fool, so how do we relate to them? Here are some guidelines:
“When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest” (Proverbs 29:9)
In other words, you can’t resolve conflicts with this kind of person. There is “no rest.” And notice, it is THE WISE MAN who can’t resolve the conflict. So if you feel like it is somehow your fault for not being able to get to the bottom of anything with your fool EV. ER., take heart in this verse! Even wise people can’t get anywhere with a fool. You’re in good company.
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).
God is giving us a clue here. If you hang with one of these types, you’ll suffer harm. That word actually means “Destroyed.” I take this to be a serious warning: STAY AWAY and avoid destruction.
“You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. The arrogant cannot stand in your presence; you hate all who do wrong…. because of my enemies— make straight your way before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction.” (Psalm 5:4-5)
I think this is telling us that God is on our side. He is not on the side of the arrogant and the unrepentant. He opposes the proud. This means we can turn to God and put our hope in Him. He doesn’t expect us to hang out with them, trust them, and share pearls.
I’ve really been enjoying Foolproofing Your Life. I’m actually on a second read of it in one month, and I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. I hope to do a review of it soon. If you have a fool in your life – it will equip you to deal with them wisely.
Thanks for that, it is such a helpful article.
One thing I often think about in regard to this kind of thing is Matthew 7:15 the wolves in sheep’s clothing, which I have seen.
But I have not really thought about the fools and Pharisees – and now I will, and certainly pray to be open to learn, even if in rebuke, in the hope that I never become one.
Thanks
I read Foolproofing Your Life a couple of years ago. It was exactly what I needed at the time. I was dealing with a person who was fooling a lot of people and leading a lot of people astray. I felt like I was completely under attack, and alone! There was one instance that we were in a room where she was “leading” a women’s Bible study, and I remember her saying some things which were so “out there” and thinking to myself, “You’ve got to be kidding me?!?” But when I looked around the room at all of the other women, they were eating her words up like she was some sort of god! It was so strange! If you have ever seen the movie Left Behind–it was like that scene near the end where Nicolae kills the man and then tells everyone sitting in the room that the man shot himself, even though they all sat there and saw the whole thing. And Kirk Cameron’s character was the only one not deceived and looked around incredulously, wondering what was going on!
Anyway, that was a really trying time for me and I still struggle with trying to heal from that whole situation. My heart really became hardened to a lot of things and people in the effort to try to protect myself, and I am struggling with forgiveness. Pray for me in my unforgiveness!
This is a perfect example of why God tells us “the companion of fools will suffer harm.” The “harm” can result in a life long journey of recovering. Your story is not isolated, unfortunately. Often, the church protects the wolves and allows the sheep to be devoured. I feel for you and what you’ve been through. Praise God that He enabled you to see it for what it was and remove yourself. Forgiving doesn’t mean you excuse what happened or forget about it. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you blindly trust everyone. Let your experience make you wiser in selecting friends and Bible study companions and churches. Forgiving helps you. It sets you free. Not them. You let them off the hook with YOU – allowing God to do what He promises to do to make things right one day. Only He knows what that should be or how that should look. The bottom line is that we can’t completely trust any human being. But we CAN completely trust our Father in Heaven. Thank you, Jesus.
What if we happen to be married to the fool?
Get the book. Jan helps you see exactly what you are dealing with, go through the process of accepting the truth – and then she gives you the tools the Bible gives us for dealing with “our fool.” It may be a different path for each one depending on how bad it is. A bona fide fool wreaks destruction on those who are wrapped up in their stuff. Jan says you can’t be up close and personal with God if you are up close and personal (obsessed) with your fool. If you are married to one, you know exactly what she is saying there. The key is disengagement while still being polite. Think southern sweetness to strangers. We are kind and polite to them (honoring because they are made in God’s image) – but we don’t share our very souls with them. It’s a sad thing to be married to a fool. Actually, sad is an understatement of maximum proportions. And like I said – if you are married to a fool, you know exactly what that means.
One thing I will tell you – you are not alone. I know women married to fools, and I have read more about this subject in the last year than I care to think about. It is an epidemic in the church – and I believe it is a direct result of the twisting of Scripture. It creates the perfect storm, so to speak. A storm that lasts a lifetime for many women and their posterity.
Thanks, Natalie. I’ll order the book tonight : ) I begin counseling next week with a highly recommended counselor and am beginning to feel the weight lifting. Knowing how to honor God while living with and relating to my husband on a daily basis is the monumental challenge. Nothing in my flesh wants to extend even a drop of sweetness! Your posts are a blessing and encouragement to my heart!
I am praying for you. “Monumental challenge.” Yes.
Hi Natalie,
I am truly benefiting from this series. In this post, your last statement mentions a book and that it will help you deal wisely with a fool. What if I am the fool?
By definition, a fool is blind and never admits to fault. A fool would never say, “Gee whiz, I think I’m a fool.” Everyone on the planet has foolish behaviors, but not everyone is a fool, according to Scripture. If you truly have been a fool (always right, never repentant, always talking and never listening, etc. – the book goes into detail) and you are seeing it for the first time, that is huge. Most fools die in their foolishness because of the blindness inherent in the character of a fool.
In other words, if you think you might be a fool – then you are probably not.
Wow, thanks for writing this. I’m sending a link of this article to one of my sisters, who is dealing with some…well, of BOTH of these within our family (she’s at home this summer, but I live across the country so she calls me occasionally to vent). When I think of even the Proverbial “fool”, it’s usually with a stereotype of a “bumbling idiot”. But they’re SO dangerous!
Jan Silvious actually writes about how we do that! We try to minimize it by saying, “Oh, he’s just a roaring lion” (or “bumbling idiot”) and make light of it. That’s actually denial of the real danger. The secular world calls them “abusers.” The word “abuse” seems over-the-top, but I think it accurately puts the serious weight of the problem into the light where it can be identified and dealt with properly.
The more I study this and talk to people, the more I’m convinced the secular world has the lead on this, while the Christians stick their heads in the sand, encouraging such tragic results. We should be the first ones to the front of the battle line doing serious business with evil when we see it rear its ugly head in our churches and our homes. But we tend to poo poo it and minimize it and pretty much turn the other way, claiming we are “loving.” No. That is not love. That is most definitely not love. And guess where abusers LOVE to hide out? Where they know they can get away with it.
What about wolves and fools in your husband’s congregation who refuse to learn, but are in positions of leadership. I’ve even overhead false teaching from outside a certain wolf’s Sunday school classroom (if I had been a participant in the class I would’ve spoken up to correct the teaching, for the sake of the sheep). What if this church is overrun with fools who think they’ve nothing to learn and who “just aren’t readers”; who don’t want to participate in any learning experience where they might have to talk to one another or look someone else in the eye. And forget about “doing life together”. They don’t want any of that! And if they want to travel, they’ll miss a whole summer of Sundays (or come to their friends’ Sunday school class, where they all shoot the breeze and explore a dozen rabbit trails, but skip out on the sermon so they can hit the road for another vacay). And these are the deacons (the subject of eldership is a whole other issue!)!! Do we stay away from these Pharisees and fools? Or try to reform a church desperately in need of it, despite it’s seeming to be an uphill losing battle? We’re surrounded by fools! And the few sincere sheep we have, have been so poorly taught for so long, they are yet babes! There is one former pastor (of a different church) who is strong enough to stand with us, but the leaders and congregation refuse to listen. Twice, in congregational meetings, they have voted against the exhortation of both my husband and this former pastor (who is also the chairman of the board). Don’t they sound like a bunch of fools–in the truest Biblical sense?? Do we shake the sand off our feet?
Well, jeepers. I’m no expert at overhauling churches, and I don’t know all the ins and outs of your situation. (I’ve never seen a church get overhauled, frankly, although I’m sure it’s probably happened somewhere out there.) I’ve been a member of three different churches in my lifetime – all of which eventually ended up going down roads I didn’t want to travel. I hate to encourage church hopping (it sounds like your husband is the pastor?) but if everyone is skipping to a tune you can’t reconcile with Scripture, maybe it’s at least time to talk and pray about moving? You can’t move a herd of sheep (or wolves sporting wool?) all by yourselves. Reform has to come from inside the hearts of people. Only God can make that happen.
Sometimes this is how new churches are started, too, so it’s not necessarily a bad thing. May God give you wisdom and direction!
Thanks, Natalie. Yes, my husband is the pastor. We have been looking to move on, actually, but since God hasn’t moved us yet, we thought maybe He was giving us renewed courage to try to change some things in our current church. But, without others who will come alongside us, it doesn’t seem likely to produce a good result in any timeframe.
Your post very much reflects the dangers of being in the company of Pharisees and fools; people have blindly bought into the deception of what church is supposed to be according to them. We have sounded the trumpet, but people aren’t listening. Those who supported our efforts in the past are now just wanting to live a quiet witness in front of them, in hopes that they will change by seeing how “nice” they are. They don’t want to take a stand for Biblical truth, because it might cost them something (relationships). And they don’t understand the Biblical concept of Pharisees or fools; Jesus wasn’t quiet around them. As long as these wolves are in power, and no one else rocks the boat, nothing will change. They’ve all traded in the gospel for personal comfort. The wolves and the sheep. It’s so very sad.
And so we wait for the Lord’s timing., and my husband keeps preaching the word. Maybe go back to seminary? We’ve got a lot to think about. Thanks for the timely post.