Category Archives: Be Brave, Be Balanced

Lead On: Thoughts on Women, Leadership, and Motherhood

Hannah Anderson: Sometimes a Light
January 29, 2015

The question of gender and leadership is a sticky one for Christians. Recently, in response to Propel—an initiative designed to”help women internalize a leadership identity & fulfill their purpose, passion, and potential”–someone asked where conservatives fall on the question of developing women as leaders. But I’m not entirely convinced that this is a conservative or liberal question. Our applications of how and where women lead may divide us along certain fault lines, but the fact that women are made to lead isn’t up for debate. Made in God’s image, we were not made to be passive any more than He is.

Read the rest of this article HERE.

Five Indicators of an Evil Heart

Christ Centered Counseling
January 19, 2015

As Christian counselors, pastors and people helpers we often have a hard time discerning between an evil heart and an ordinary sinner who messes up, who isn’t perfect, and full of weakness and sin.

I think one of the reasons we don’t “see” evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist. We can’t imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone’s reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes

Find out how you can tell the difference between an ordinary sinner and an evil person by reading the rest of Leslie’s article HERE.

Is Scripture Bondage to You?

The following link is from A Cry For Justice Blog
January 4, 2015

I am linking to this article because I wonder how many good Christian women can relate to this testimony? Is Scripture bondage to you? If it is, that could be your first red flag that something is rotten in Denmark. Life in Eden changed. But then, you’ve also probably been told that’s “normal.”

I was told by my Christian counselor [2012] that “scripture was bondage to me.” I was offended.

  • We ought to esteem others higher than ourselves
  • We have to love the unlovely
  • Jesus opened not his mouth
  • A wise woman builds up her house, a foolish one tears it down by the words of her mouth
  • We ought to forgive as Christ has forgiven us lest we receive not His forgiveness
  • We cannot manipulate as is the sin of witchcraft but rather with longsuffering submit and pray for and heap burning coals and rejoice in trials n tribulations
  • We cannot abstain lest by mutual consent
  • In this life we will be treated harshly and unfairly…do we think we will receive differently than Christ Himself?
  • It is only God who vindicates, don’t let the sun go down on your anger, trust God, do good despite what others do to you
  • You control yourself…guard your heart from bitterness n keep a right spirit
  • Wives submit and don’t have a Jezebel spirit of control
  • As you submit and show forth your soft answers that turn away wrath and by your quiet and meek spirit…it will naturally win over your husband by observing your spiritual conduct and he will rise to the position of Godly headship convicted
  • You cannot leave the unbeliever …how do you not know that he won’t change and you don’t sanctify him and your children? God Hates Divorce

My ex-husband used scripture AGAINST me because he knew I loved Jesus and wanted to live it FOR Jesus and hear “well done” and be an example and keep my relationship with Christ and not slip into the flesh. He guilt-tripped me. He manipulated me. He quoted our pastor who said I was too strong willed and needed a heavier hand to force me into proper submission lest I “put a ring in (my ex’s) nose and lead him.” He quoted male Christian friends, popular book authors, no “Jezebel” spirit, I’m under his covering…like an umbrella and if I reject his leadership as God ordained, I get wet so to speak leaving his covering, BUT it is also I who breaks a hedge and allows for Satan to wreak havoc in our entire family because of my disobedience to God in disobeying my husband.

I was counseled to fast and pray MORE, anoint his pillow with oil so as he slept the Holy Spirit would honor my prayers penetrating him with dreams or visions. I was told to submit MORE, to simply do as he said DESPITE how he treated me…gaslighting, lies, verbal, emotional, economic, spiritual, sexual and physical abuse.

I did it ALL. I read every book, I sought our pastor, his family, three different times of Christian marriage counseling, His Needs Her Needs book study, older marrieds in the church that could help teach him proper headship and submission and how to be a Godly husband. I prayed more, I fasted more, I submitted more, I had an ongoing email correspondence with Dr Emerson Eggrich, author of Love and Respect [NOTE: ACFJ does not recommend Eggrich’s materials for abuse scenarios]. I implemented his advice to be QUIET, not speak, not voice my opinion verbally, I called 9-1-1… one police officer fussed at me, pregnant, hysterical sobbing, saying “This is your HUSBAND and here you are thinking God will bless you as you talk down on your HUSBAND?” He said this to me because I was telling him the words my ex called me and how he’d hurt me… fussed at by an officer… and YES, I anointed his pillow with oil.

And then, I broke.

Read the rest of this abuse survivor’s testimony HERE.

Conservative Christians and Mental Illness

Practical Theology for Women
December 14, 2014

I recently read a handout from a conservative Christian college’s psychology class likening sending someone with eating disorders to a eating disorder clinic to sending someone with a pornography problem to a pornography clinic. In so many words, it set up vomiting as a sin to be rebuked from Scripture like pornography. It was stunning to read, and my heart immediately ached for those struggling through very real mental health issues who were shamed away from secular medical intervention at that college. Though much good progress has been made on mental health issues and the believer by way of organizations like CCEF, there is obviously still a long way to go.

This is such a good article. Read the rest HERE.

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I am Angry

What do you think about anger? Some anger is destructive. It rages and revenges. But sometimes anger is just part of normal life experience. If you’ve ever grieved a loss, you know what I’m talking about. Here is one woman’s confession. There’s a lot packed in this short excerpt, and I’m hopeful that rather than […]

Meek Isn’t Weak

A Cry For Justice
November 23, 2014

In the Bible, the word we translate as meekness — praǘtēs — does not connote weakness. Nor does it convey a submissiveness that is easily imposed on by others. Meekness is a Christian virtue that is a special kind of strength which does not pay back evil for evil.

We have no word in English that is an exact parallel to the Greek word praǘtēs. This has caused another stumbling block for Christian victims of abuse.

Praǘtēs is usually translated as ‘meekness’. But here’s the rub: in the English language, the word ‘meek’ connotes quiet, gentle, easily imposed on, submissive. Sir Thomas Brown explained: “Meekness takes injuries like pills, not chewing, but swallowing them down.”  But praǘtēs means something rather different.

If you’ve ever been confused about this, read Barbara Robert’s insights HERE.

The Voice of the Helper

Practical Theology for Women
November 16, 2014

One thing I am processing is why so many women over the years at Mars Hill felt silenced. I think some of it is pathological – serious mental struggles due to childhood trauma by some influential leaders that resulted in over the top reactions to women who spoke up. But I also think some of it was theological, which is why I’ve hounded again and again the issue of Genesis 3:16. One elder referred to explicit theology – that which was taught – and implicit theology – that which was believed. There was a discrepancy between the two at times. Leadership at Mars Hill occasionally spoke explicitly about women with the assumption that our first root issue was that we would want to take over control from the men in our lives. But the implicit belief outside of what was explicitly taught was there at a fundamental, pervasive level. When that is your foundational assumption, then there is nothing that a woman can say short of complete agreement and affirmation of you in every way that will not be eventually labeled gossip, manipulation, or outright usurping of authority.

Read the rest of this insightful article by Wendy Alsup HERE.

Can Abusers be Christians?

Cry for Justice
November 17, 2014

Need to clear up the confusion over whether or not there will be justice when a so-called “Christian” is chronically abusive and unrepentant? Do they get to abuse with impunity because they are a “Christian?” After all, they are covered by the blood of Christ, right? Christians sin, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, so doesn’t that mean abusers who are “saved” get a free ticket to abuse and then enjoy the benefits of being a child of God?

If you’ve ever been emotionally, physically, sexually, verbally, financially, or spiritually abused on a regular basis by a co-worker, boss, spouse, parent, relative, “friend,” or pastor, OR if you know someone who has, this article is for you. Read it HERE.