“The healing path plunges us into the depths of our doubt, where a new faith can be born. This faith, birthed in the desert and the valley, frees us to remember a past not only with loss, but with redemption. It leads us to a perspective that is full of God, therefore deepening our trust that redemption will dawn tomorrow as it did once before. First, however, this process often confronts us with who or what we really have been trusting rather than God.”
Dan Allender
The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You Into a More Abundant Life (Waterbrook Press, 2000)
I cannot heal so-and-so.
I cannot rescue fill-in-the-blank.
I cannot change such-and-such.
I cannot protect you-know-who.
I cannot fix you-know-what.
But I can spend time with Jesus.
And I can go for a bike ride.
And I can eat something that’s healthy.
And I can take my dog for a walk.
And I can do a load of laundry.
And I can do what is right in front of me today.
And I can write.
And I can pray.
And I can love the people that God has put in my life.
If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement. When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing, and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears— the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain— there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making. We may tell a disengaged partner, “You don’t seem to care anymore,” but without “evidence” of this, the response is “I’m home from work every night by six P.M. I tuck in the kids. I’m taking the boys to Little League. What do you want from me?” Or at work, we think, Why am I not getting feedback? Tell me you love it! Tell me it sucks! Just tell me something so I know you remember that I work here!
Brene’ Brown, Daring Greatly
Brene' Brown
Daring Greatly (Penguin Publishing Group, 2012), pgs. 51-52
Another reason why every man who would be safe must be in earnest, and be violent, is this, there are so many adversaries to oppose us, that if we are not violent we shall never be able to overcome them.
. . . do you still condemn this man, and say that he is an enthusiast and a fanatic? Then God himself comes forth to vindicate his despised servant. Know that this is the sign, the mark of distinction between the true child of God and the bastard-professor. The men who are not God’s children are a careless, stumbling, coldhearted race. But the men that are God’s in sincerity and truth, are burning as well as shining lights. They are as brilliant constellations in the firmament of heaven, burning stars of God. Of all things in the world, God hates most the man that is neither hot nor cold.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon Holy Violence, sermon No. 252
Triggering has to do with those emotions hidden away, along with memories, all stuffed by trauma in various secret compartments of the brain. Unforgiveness on the other hand is not so much emotion as it is the seeking of vengeance upon someone, rather than leaving it to God. The two are really quite different. You can have forgiven someone, but still get triggered.
…what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen. Repent just means to change direction — and NOT to be said by someone who is waggling their forefinger at you. Repentance is a blessing. Pick a new direction, one you wouldn’t mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.
Debbie Millman's 2013 Commencement Address
He is tied to us. By placing His image in us, God assumes an extra measure of ownership and responsibility for our lives. We are His brand, His trademark. You may remember that the second commandment prohibits making graven images of God. Part of the reason behind this is that God has already given a graven image of Himself—in us.
But more than this, by placing His image on us, God has bound Himself to us as a parent. We are His children. And like any good parent, He must protect and nurture His children. The beauty and genius of this is that our good and His glory are inseparable. While our good is found by displaying His glory, His glory is found by bringing about our good.
Hannah Anderson
Made for More: An Invitation to Live in God's Image (Moody Publishers, 2014)
The incredible irony of the gospel for abuse victims is that Jesus suffered the most extreme form of physical abuse so that the broken could be healed (“by His scourging we are healed” [Isaiah 53:5]). In fact, this irony is so great that the dominant symbol of Christianity is an instrument of sadistic abuse—a cross. When one understands the grotesque nature of crucifixion, by which the founder of Christianity and many early Christian leaders were tortured to death, it’s amazing that Christians image their faith with a cross (1 Corinthians 2:2). It would be comparable to Jews making the symbol of Judaism a miniature crematorium they wear around their necks and place on their synagogues. The cross is the most powerful symbol imaginable of God’s ability to heal and redeem abuse.
After enduring incredible suffering, Paul declared that through all of the abuse, Christ was sweeter and stronger in his life (2 Corinthians 4:8–18; 12:10). God always desires to heal our brokenness and to use it as the very nutrient to draw us into a deeper experience of joyful intimacy with him and to give us an opportunity for more fruitful ministry to others who are also broken (Romans 8:17; 2 Corinthians 1:4–6).
Steven R. Tracy
Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse (Zondervan, 2009-05-26), 332
One of the first “things as they are” facts you need to learn is that it is impossible to correct, change, alter, redefine, censure, sweet-talk, or reason with a fool. Let me say that again: It is impossible. If you take nothing else away from this chapter, then at least hang on to this truth: If you try to change your fool, you will fail! Get that, my friend, and get it well. If you do, then you will be able to successfully foolproof your life.
The Bible says, “Understanding is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the discipline of fools is folly” (Proverbs 16:22, NASB). In other words, any attempt to correct a fool is useless because “discipline” is foolishness to one who despises wisdom, mocks at guilt, and starts quarrels. This is the great dividing line: If discipline does nothing to change the fool, then your focus must be on you and your “understanding.” Wisdom must become your goal and your hope. It must be your safe haven and your delight.
Jan Silvious
Foolproofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively with the Impossible People in Your Life (The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group, 2009-09-11), p. 125
The “disease to please” runs rampant in society and in many churches, resulting in women who act more like girls than powerful women of loving faith. Consequently, far too many women are not being transformed into the true image of Christ, and not living like the heroic women of faith in the Bible. Instead, they have become hamster-wheel women of immense frustration, burnout, and depression with lives that lack purpose and integrity.
No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice—Instead of Being Good—Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends. (Baker Publishing Group, 2010), p. 18
