It’s Not That Complicated: A Review

By Contributing Writer, Jeannette Paulson

I hate coming late to movies or plays.  I feel cheated if I did not get introduced to the scene and the characters.  So I am delighted that in  It’s (not that) Complicated  Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin takes us to the beginning of the story when they discuss how girls can relate to guys in a “healthy, sane and biblical way.”

 This book wrestles with the first chapters of Genesis and makes shocking practical applications for girls.

Have you noticed that girls are wired to be interested in boys — even when they are toddlers? This is right. 1 Corinthians 11 says “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” The Botkin sisters say that it is when woman is “restored to man’s side that the two are fully complete.” Together they reflect the image of God.

First God made man and gave him a glorious mission: he “put man in the garden to work it and keep it.” Here is the surprising application: Men are mission-focused.   Next God designed the woman as a helper in that glorious work.  Another (not as) surprising application: Girls are relationship-focused.

Clearly, young men were not made to be girl-focused; girls are not the reason boys exist.  This does not, however, minimize the role of  girls.  As helpers they have an incalculable influence on men — either to inspire them to greatness or to destroy them.

Consider how many romance novels  fail to reflect this worldview.  Take Mr. Darcy.  He seems to live for Elizabeth.  In one movie version of Pride and Prejudice  Elizabeth suggests she is ‘goddess divine’ to Mr. Darcy. But, as the Botkin sisters remind us,  ”Mr. Darcy is a figment of a spinster’s imagination.”  This is a false worldview that leaves a girl self-centered and disappointed, missing the glorious mission God intends for her.

The Botkin sisters believe that true friendship between guys and girls is possible.  This excludes silliness, giggling, or flirting on the one hand or disdaining and ignoring young men on the other. If a girl desires friendship, she will have to stop looking to receive and begin to give. She will need to keep her heart.  Rather than dreaming about her wedding day when she meets a man she admires, she should view him as a person with his own mission, insecurities, and needs.  She should engage in helpful conversation and trust her future to the Lord who knows all. 

The book suggests that girls can start by getting to know their actual brothers or younger brothers of friends. How does she treat them?  If she treated the young men at church in the same way, would she have any friends?  She should ask about their pursuits and interests and encourage them in leading out instead of dismissing them or bossing them around.

I want to end with what some girls have said about the book:

“Of all the relationship-oriented books, blog posts, and Christian magazine articles that I have read, none have been as Biblically solid or as helpful as this book. Were I to go through this book with a highlighter, the entire thing would be neon yellow.” – P.

“…exactly the kind of book I have been looking for for so long! I laughed out loud and took extensive notes. There really is not any other book like it.” – Brydon

This book is full of wisdom and practical advice. I thank God when I see one of our four daughters with her nose in it.  Just today one of them said “It changed my life.“