Humility

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30

From the very start of worship this morning while attending our neighbor’s home-church service, I was having a very difficult time. Something was blocking my heart’s ability to praise. What had gotten in the way, I wondered. I tried to shrug off the strange feeling and choose to praise, but my heart just got heavier and I truly didn’t know why.

I finally mustered up enough concern about my state that I asked the Lord to search my heart and reveal what was getting in my way of praise. He took my mind immediately to a conversation I had the day before. It certainly wasn’t a significant conversation but a name of someone who had hurt me in the past was mentioned. So, there it was, a weed seed had fallen on the soil of my heart and I took it right in, allowing all the old emotions to return, followed up by a foolish refusal to take them to Jesus. I thought I had forgiven, I thought the memories had faded, but apparently something in me was still lingering. I was still holding on to something harmful to my heart.

I was now sitting in worship, surrounded by others who were honestly and intently praising and this irritation, this past pain which had now surfaced, was keeping my heart far from the Father’s and far from peace. I prayed throughout worship –literally through all 8 songs. “Lord help me to forgive, help me to love, help me to forget the pain” It was so long ago and the circumstances seemed so irrelevant now. “So, why now Lord? Why now?” And what must I do to fix this situation and to fix my aching heart. I had sought reconciliation in the past, but still the relationship wasn’t fully restored…or at least I had not been fully restored. Must I wait for my Christian sister to apologize for the wrongs she had done before I could be fully healed, I wondered. “What would you have me do now Lord? I don’t want to carry this burden of hurt any longer.”

We had all been encouraged to bring something to share today with the group. And so our time of sharing began and my answer literally came with my neighbor’s very first words. She pulled out the Litany of Humility by - Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val and began to read:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,

From the fear of being humiliated,
deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated (slandered or gossiped about),
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should.

So, there it was – my answer – Humility.

My mother used to say while I was growing up, “Whenever you find yourself thinking of or speaking of your hurt, remember that most often the part of you which has been hurt is your PRIDE!”

Just before I had left my house to head to the fellowship that morning, I had picked up a book and read a short devotional, which at the time seemed unrelated to my life; but I now realized God’s timing could not have been more perfect. For the words read, “When someone asked [the man] to define humility, he answered, “Humility is when you forgive someone who has wronged you before he expresses regret.”

Before the service was over, I was thanking God in prayer for sending these trials into my life. They were necessary to reveal that which was still alive in me and was keeping me from His greater peace. The offenses which come against us do not cause us to sin, they simply reveal what sin is already there and needs to be addressed. And so, may we praise the Lord for the little crosses in our lives which if handled by the Spirit can bring greater peace and deeper wisdom to us.

After service today I felt as if a Mac truck had run over me….flattened perhaps…but free indeed! True humility does not come easy, (reread the litany – its requirements are not easy to meet) but if entered into by the power of the Spirit of God, true humility does bring freedom – no longer burden by the yoke of unforgiveness but freed by Jesus to worship in Spirit and in Truth.