Holiness, Romance, and…JOY!!! (with 3 sweet love stories from our children)
By monthly contributing author, Ann Dunagan of Harvest Ministry
Around our house, it’s an understatement to say that LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!
This past year, my husband Jon and I celebrated our 25th anniversary (with a surprise “wedding” in the middle of a church service in which the two of us were ministering together on the theme of godly marriage).
It’s been a year of dreams-coming-true . . . and a time of seeing the beautiful fruit of our parenting hopes and prayers.
a very happy 25th anniversary
In one year, our family has grown from 7 kids to 10 kids! God has given us a wonderful new daughter, along with a new son-to-be and a second new daughter-to-be. As we’ve embraced these precious new children, and welcomed these three “extensions” into our hearts and into our lives, it’s been a time of worshiping God . . . and experiencing SO MUCH JOY!!!
Three of our kids have each found the “love of their life”; and as parents, we’ve already seen how all of these relationships are “multiplying” (rather than dividing) God’s calling and purposes for all three couples!
Our growing family!!!
Parenting by Faith, not by Fear
Years ago, right before our oldest turned 13, our family was preparing for a special birthday party to mark our son’s transition into his teenage years, and to pray for God’s vision and purposes. As a loving and over-eager mom, I think I had read just about every Christian book on courtship and teenage purity. I wanted to solidify our family’s “strategy” for the future — to “nail-down” our family rules and make sure everything was all lined-up and in order.
It all seemed good to me.
As parents, we needed a godly plan . . . to “keep” our kids holy . . . right? Of course, I didn’t put it that way; but as I shared my thoughts with my husband, he could see the true motivation that was sneaking behind my lofty goals. Yes, I was wanting the best for our children’s futures . . . and yes, I was desiring for each of them to walk uprightly before God, and to someday enjoy God-glorifying and happy marriages. However, the driving-force for my desire to “lay-it-all-out-on-the-table” was actually the opposite of faith:
Hidden in my heart, I was being motivated by FEAR (although I was totally oblivious and blinded to that truth). My inward thoughts were filled with all kinds of fears: fear of the future, fear of our kids making mistakes, fear of not looking good for others, fear of our kids doing something wrong, fear about our kids missing God’s mark, fear of them missing God’s match . . .
But I praise God for my sweet husband.
Jon just looked at me and said, “Hon, you don’t have anything to fear. Hormones are our friend, and not our enemy. God’s the One who created hormones, and He’s going to put them in our kids to help lead them to His perfect covenant-partner for their lives. The teenage years, and the next seasons of life are going to be exciting!”
Our daring daughter Christi has always had a strong call to missions, and God brought her a young man who grew up as a 3rd generation missionary, in Niger, West Africa. Trae speaks three languages fluently (English, Housa, and French), he plays guitar, leads worship, and has grown up (like Christi) doing world-wide missions. They met in college and are thrilled about their future together for God.
Christi & Trae - at our home on their engagement day
Here they are, ministering together in West Africa
As we live our lives for God, and as we train our children to love . . . and to live for His glory, it’s not enough to just tell our kids to “follow the rules” and to try to avoid “being bad.”
Instead, God desires for all of us to seek Him, and to rely on His grace.
We seek His righteousness and His presence . . . compelled by His love, empowered by His grace, and fulfilled by His joy.
As we train our children to look ahead to their futures, and to draw close to Him, and to live every day for His glory . . . then making the right decision during a random teenage weekend . . . and helping them to sort through early “feelings” and attractions (even when it’s not yet the right time of life to move forward in that area) . . . is a lot easier.
Our son Daniel fell in love with someone much nearer to home. His sweet Anna is the daughter of one of my closest friends. Before the wedding, Daniel will minister in Germany on a college mission outreach. Together, these two have a heart for family, for glorifying God through engineering, and for expanding God’s kingdom.
Our "middlest" son, Daniel, with his sweetheart, Anna
“You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.” Hebrews 1:9
What is the “point” of holiness?
This month, as we’re thinking about holiness and modesty and obedience to God…I want to encourage you to look at the end result of what this life is all about.
God doesn’t require holiness to make us and our kids miserable. He desires for us to walk in His presence, so we can LIVE IN HIS JOY — both now and in the future. We’ve been created for God’s glory — to enjoy His life, His presence, and His JOY.
Instead of trying to measure-up to all the legalistic requirements of a “proper and impressive” lifestyle (through our own self-righteousness and works), let’s just realize that the point of life is to GLORIFY GOD. The point is to draw close to Him, and to truly ENJOY His presence.
Our sinfulness grieves God’s heart, because it separates us from Him. To “wink” at sin, or to lean toward the “easy way” of our own selfish and sinful desires, is to turn our face (and our heart) away from God. Sin, and fulfilling the desires of our flesh does bring temporary and delicious pleasure; but like the White Witch’s “Turkish Delight” in the Chronicles of Narnia, the end result is sickening. Sin leads to death; and all along the way, it brings heartache and sadness.
On the other hand, obedience to God and following His spirit is the “hard way” in our daily decisions; obedience to God takes discipline and work. It’s the narrow way . . . and it’s not always popular . . . yet the end result is filled with LIFE and JOY, and God’s path is ultimately SO much easier.
Keeping that fear, and our flesh in line is like steadily disciplining an unruly toddler. Talk about tough work. It’s HARD to be consistent with a determined little kiddo (or a fleshly desire) wanting his (or its) own way. But if we maintain consistency (with loving discipline in our parenting and in our self-control and personal holiness before God), the end result will be worth it.
It’s harder in the beginning; but later, it becomes SOOOO much easier.
If we build on the right foundation — based on faith and not on fear — we’ll have happy older kids, God-glorifying teenagers, and joyful young adults, who love and fear God.
As we train our children to live for God, we need to raise them to be self-disciplined and internally motivated. Oh, that we would raise the next generation to live with a genuine fear of God and a heart-felt love for God.
This quote is especially challenging and motivating:
“I am afraid that many of us are so busy making decisions for our children in order to keep them safe that we do not teach them to develop their own set of internalized Biblical convictions. It is one thing for a teenager to do what is right under a watchful eye or under the threat of punishment. It is quite another thing to see the independent, unpressured, heartfelt exercise of personal conviction. As we are preparing our teenagers to go out into this darkened, fallen world and live a Godly life, it is mandatory that we make the development of internalized convictions one of our primary goals.”
– Paul David Tripp, Convictions and Wisdom
Our son & new daughter, Josh & Anna Dunagan, met in Tulsa, Oklahoma. They both were raised with a passion for the lost. In their first year of newlywed life, Josh and Anna stepped-out into full-time missionary work. They’ve been on multiple mission trips together, and recently established a beautiful new orphan ministry with 23 children, “Aasha (Hope) Children’s Home” in S.E. India, a new Bible school to train national pastors, and a brand-new mission, Gospel Projects International.
Josh & Anna Dunagan in S.E. India: our newlyweds already have over 20 kids!!!
In her book, Holiness, one of my favorite authors, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, discusses this vital relationship between holiness and JOY.
We might picture someone who has a passionate love for holiness and and intense hatred for sin as being joyless, uptight, and rigid.
In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. The result of Jesus’ holy life was overflowing gladness–gladness surpassing that of anyone else around Him. It was true of Jesus. And it will be true of anyone who, like Jesus, loves righteousness and hates evil . . .
To pursue holiness or to be half-hearted about its pursuit is to forfeit true true joy and to settle for something less than that God-intoxication for which we were created.
Sooner or later, sin will strip and rob you of everything that is truly beautiful and desirable. If you are a child of God, you were redeemed to enjoy the sweet fruit of holiness–to walk in oneness with your heavenly Father, to relish His presence, to rejoice in His mercy, to know the joy of having clean hands, a pure heart, and a clear conscience, and one day, to stand before Him unashamed.
Why settle for anything else?
May God bless your family as you look to the future with hope and anticipation . . . and as you raise your children in the presence and JOY of the Lord. 
In His Love,
Ann
thank you that was beautiful, with only two children 2 and 7 months (in those toddler years) this was very inspiring… i love seeing your family it gives me some much hope and perseverance! thank you
Ally —
So glad to hear that you were encouraged — to have HOPE and to KEEP GOING.
Blessings to you and your two little ones!!!
Wanted to share some great feedback coming in today
(via facebook) . . .
Thank you dear sister in Christ for shared wonderful stories of your children.
thank you again for encouragements .
—Suku Ranjon, Bangladesh
Beautiful, Ann! I have always loved Jon’s “hormones are our friends” quote and have used it often throughout the years. Love you wonderful Dunagans!
—Bo Stern, women’s speaker, Bend, Oregon
Wonderful article by the way. One of those ‘go back to’ articles when you need some encouragement. Amen and amen to all!
—Danette Childs, Missionary, Niger, West Africa
(From a link recommending this article) —
Ann Dunagan is a friend of mine. She and I have had conversations about our kids entering the marrying years
Ann is a few years ahead of me on this journey and I have been greatly encouraged by her perspective. Bottom line: We need to live in FAITH, not FEAR when it comes to teens and the dating years.
If you’re like me (at the jumping off place with a 20 yr old daughter) then this post will… bless and encourage you. Like Ann’s husband Jon says,”Hormones are our friend!”
It is all God’s good idea. Our job is to give our children the foundation for a love that will last a lifetime and then prepare to expand in both heart and home for all that will come as our children grow and begin families of their own.
Thanks Ann, for this great post today. ♥
–Heidi St. John, Author and Homeschool Speaker
Thank you, Ann, not only for this written article, but also for living it out
before all who know you and your family. I consider it a true privilege and blessing
to say that your family is the “real deal”.
Your son Daniel is God’s gracious and generous answer the prayers of me and my
husband. Seeing God bringing our daughter together with the man of her dreams
Is evidence and encouragement that God truly does honor us as we honor Him by
building on the “right foundation, based on faith and not fear”. The end result is definitely
worth it!
YAY, Susie!!!! — I love you so much, my precious “real-life” friend!!! Thanks for raising such a beautiful and lovely daughter. It’s exciting that our families are going to be “connected” forever — WOOHOOO!!! (And how fun to have you join this discussion here on Visionary Womanhood!!!) Thanks for adding a comment…
Wow….. so thankful to have the Lord guide me to your article and website via Heidi St. John’s FB page. As a homeschooling mother of 3…..ages 15, 13, and 7 I found your thoughts and views very much the same as mine. Although you bring a more experienced and mature point of reference due to the fact that your 3 older children are in their twenties.
I was really encouraged to go further in trusting God to bring about the holiness and purity in each ot my children and to walk by faith and not by fear. I too feel like I have had a strategy, but I now realize I am not honoring God with this manipulative, controlling motives and if I don’t release it to Him, He can’t work.
I prasie God for leading me to Visionary Womanhood, I look forward to reading and learning more. Thank you…….
Nancy,
Your comment really really means a lot to me, as I feel you really caught the “heart” of the message. Yes, we need to seek God and to have a strong biblical foundation for parenting through the teens and twenties — but the Lord can also show us and convict us when that walk becomes FEAR-based, rather than FAITH-based. And it’s so “easy” to drift into that attitude of trying to manipulate or control. It’s only by faith that we can release our big-kids and adult children into the mighty hand of God. His Holy Spirit can do a good and powerful work . . . at a deep heart-level.
Thanks so much for sharing!!!
My husband and I have the pleasure of working with Trae and Christi with the 3D Campus’, and of spending time with Josh and Anna. You have a beautiful family and your family is such a witness of God’s goodness. I was raised in a similar home/lifestyle environment so I really appreciate when I see “like minded” people.
Natalie K.,
How sweet for you to comment, as someone who sees our “big kids” in a way we don’t even see. We’ve been hearing some great reports about the 3D college ministry (there in Tahlequah, Oklahoma), and we praise God for the lives that are being impacted for Jesus.
Thanks for your ministry there . . . and for your encouraging words here.
Thank you for sharing your living example of what it means to glorify God in a family! There is nothing more beautiful and powerful than a man and woman united under a common love for Jesus in this world. We all hope and pray for this blessing for our children. It’s an incredible encouragament to see it lived out in your family. I thank the Lord for your example and exhortation to live by faith and not fear. I can’t wait to see what He will do!
Amen, Kristi!!!
As families, may we all GLORIFY GOD and help to expand His kingdom in the world. I’m excited too about all that’s ahead . . . in the new-families-in-the-works for our older children, for our younger kids . . . and for what God has planned for each person reading this . . . and YOUR families. May God’s kingdom COME!!!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and encouragement, Kristi!!! Blessings to you and your husband . . . and to all six of your precious and beautiful kiddos.
Ann
Thank you Ann for the beautiful article,it is a reminder to me of God’s faithfulness to Bless our children and our children’s children to every generation as they seek Him.We are gaining a beautiful grandaughter( Christi) and now will have 12 grandchildren.It is our prayer that they will all Love and Serve the Lord.It will be exciting to see all that God has planned for them in the days ahead.
Bless you as you continue to train up your children in the way they should go.
Yvonne
Yvonne, it is thrilling to think about how God has been hearing your prayers as Trae’s grandma and my prayers as Christi’s mom and the kids’ prayers… And to think that He orchestrated such an incredible answer that is already bringing so much JOY to all of us. Thanks for all your love and for all your prayers!!!! God is so good!!! (And it will be such a blessing to meet you at the wedding!!!)
What a blessed year for you all! I’d love to know more about the surprise ceremony for you and Jon!
Tanya, I shared a bit about this in a Q & A article about MARRIAGE on Passionate Homemaking.