Good and Angry: Book Review

Do you ever scream and yell at your kids?  I’d love to say that I don’t.  I’ve got 8 kids for crying out loud.  There’s an occasional scream here and there.

I just finished reading Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration For Character…in You and Your Kids! by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.

I bought this one Sunday while perusing our church bookstore with a fussy baby.  It caught my eye because…well…never mind.  The book gives some great tools to help parents deal with the various issues in their children’s lives that drive them wacko.

Here’s an example: I have a daughter who lacks self-control.  The chapter called, “They’re So Annoying” is about her.  She will jump in your face.  Scream suddenly just to see what will happen.  (It’s never good.)  Hit.  Kick.  Wiggle in the front row of church and whisper LOUD.  She dances, runs, leaps, gallops (literally) and bangs around the house almost non-stop once she rolls out of bed. She has a hard time dealing with “bummers” and will go into a frenzied fit when crossed.  I learned from reading this book that children like this have zero sensitivity.  (You know…there are children who will dissolve into tears when you simply give them “the look”.  These children are not those children.)   So the chapter that deals with this kind of person explains how the main character qualities that you want to be instilling in them are: sensitivity to others (they are very selfish and in tune ONLY to themselves) as well as self-control.

The book covers the following issues: They Don’t Do What I Say (Responsibility), They Keep Doing the Wrong Thing (Wisdom), They Won’t Accept No For An Answer (Contentment),  They Always Grumble and Complain (Perspective), They Lie (Integrity) and I’m Still Angry (Forgiveness).  Oh yes…and the self control thing.

One especially helpful word picture that they share toward the end goes like this:


Imagine a car dealership where a man named Martin works in the showroom.  Martin sells cars to prospective customers.  When he sees a car without a door, he’s surprised and upset.  He doesn’t expect to see defects.  Cars in the showroom are supposed to be finished.


Bill, on the other hand, works in the factory and inspects cars for flaws and missing parts.  It’s his job to find problems and fix them.  In fact, Bill is prepared with a number of routines depending on the nature of the problem.  If a door is missing, Bill doesn’t get upset; he just goes through his routine of obtaining a door and putting it on.  Bill knows that when a car is on the production line, it requires continual work.  Doors are added, pieces are put together, and workers are continually looking for ways to improve the product.


Martin and Bill are both dads, too, and view their kids the same way they view cars at work.  When Martin sees flaws in his children, he’s continually surprised and upset.  “Kids shouldn’t be this way,” he demands.  Bill, on the other hand, sees similar weaknesses in his children, but takes it all in stride.  He goes into one of his routines for helping his kids grow and develop.


Viewing your children as works in process instead of finished products can help you respond to them without harshness or frustration.  Like Bill, you can view problems as opportunities.  Misbehavior and relational struggles are indicators of where your child needs help to grow and mature.


Parents are often frustrated by the continual need for correction and the endless number of mistakes that kids make.  If you can remember that your children are on the production line instead of in the showroom, your expectations will lead you to solutions instead of angry outbursts. p 232

This book is designed to give parents the “routines” necessary to help weave godly character into the fabric of their personalities.  I was helped by it!  Oh dear…gotta run.  I hear a horse…

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