62 thoughts on “From Home School to Private School”

1. I went to a private, Christian school from 5th-10th grade and loved it (I went to public from k-5 and loved it too)! You had the same mix of kids as there were in public school (probably on a smaller preportion though), but you also had constant reminders of what God expects from you! Helpful! haha! There were still temptations, but it all comes down to foundations and faith and the family was the biggest influence. I loved my Bible teachers and they offered such great historical insight and all that. I am very thankful my parents sent us to school… we were a large family and, honestly, it was SO NICE TO BE ONLY M—— (last name) in my class! It really felt like individual attention because I was the only one from my family. We are a VERY close family and my sisters, brothers, and sister-in-loves are my best friends and I really think that NOT being homeschooled helped that. We needed some space and it was great.

   Even though you are sending your kids to private school, there is an AWESOME book called, “Going Public” by David and Kelli Pritchard, that I REALLY recommend. Great tips, advice, and stories of how it is to send your Christian kids to school. They have 11 kids now and seem like a great family. It was a very encouraging book. Loved their philosophy of when you enroll one kid in school, you enroll your whole family.

   We are trying out school this year too. In your words, “I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!” this year (this past year was a bit of a disaster). I always said I would never homeschool if it negatively affected my relationship with my kids (what’s the point then?) and even though my kids are still young, it has affected it. Thankfully not to a breaking point, but I can just see that we all need a break from Mama being the teacher (I need to just be the mama and the farmwife) with still have so many toddlers running around. Mama was at her breaking point! I’m glad I recognized that this isn’t working so quickly.

   I signed up the kids, became a part of the small PTA as it’s a small, country school (and so far have learned the principal and at least 4 out of the 5 moms on the PTA are Christians!), and will start volunteering once a week in the 2 boys’ classrooms when school starts. Enrolling the family, which includes me. Being a part of the school (and knowing all the staff…even the janitors!) and a part of my kids’ school day is still important to me and so this is what I got to to! I don’t think I’ll be less busy, but I’ll be less stressed and pulled! And I’ll be more there for my little ones, who need their happy, engaged mommy (and not frazzled school teacher!).

   I’m excited and I hope you are too!

   I have got some negative feedback from some loved friends (I think I mentioned that in a previous comment on a different post) and while it hurts, I know we are making the right decision for this year.

   • Thank you for sharing this. When it comes to this subject, emotions and convictions run deep. Very, very deep. I’ve had to learn the hard way to give grace to others – and to give grace to myself too. Our Heavenly Father does.

2. We have 3 children who attend a Christ-centered classical private school. The school goes from kindergarten to 12th grade, and there are about 350 students total. We love it!! We are super involved, from serving lunch to serving on the PTF (parent teacher fellowship) Board, to just volunteering whenever needed. We have had problems with teachers & students, but the school stands on the “Matthew 18 Principle” (Matt. 18:15-16), and the issues have been resolved in a godly manner. The teachers have Bible study every morning before school starts, and the students attend assembly every morning. Good luck!

   • Thanks, Caroline!

3. Sounds like a real provision from the Lord. So grateful that you are seeing His hand leading you through tough trials. I hope and pray next school year sees some real growth with this dear daughter of yours.
   And on that note, have you looked into the GAPS diet for her? It is designed to help with those kinds of situations. Here is a link to a story of someone who found some real healing for their child in a similar situation.
   http://www.purposefulnutrition.com/gaps-diet-stories-regina-and-elijah/

   • Thank you, Jennifer. We have tried various diets, including gluten free – along with all kinds of supplements etc. We’ve hit walls and dead ends with everything over the years. We are actually trying meds now. I’d like to talk about how that goes sometime. We just started, so the jury is still out. But I will say that the two days she has been on meds so far have been the best days we’ve ever had in YEARS. No blow outs. She has gotten angry, but hasn’t blown up. That is miraculous, in my book.

     • We had foster children with what sounds like similar issues as your daughter. What a difference the medicine made! It was like having a whole different sibling on them vs. off them. It was like the “REAL” them was present and living when ON the medicine. It might sound crazy to some who are totally against meds as treatment, but you just don’t understand until your family has been through it. And it did make a big difference in the mood of the family and the atmosphere of the home too. What a blessing modern medicine can be! I’m so glad your daughter was diagnosed and a game plan was set up… hopefully some goals too. You are doing so right by her!

       • That is what we’ve seen the past three days. It’s been incredible, actually. Everyone has been able to relax. Marvelous. When it wears off in the evening, we are running into serious issues though. So I think there will be some tweaking necessary. I do have a “booster” tab I can give her in the late afternoon, so I think we may need to start doing that in order to get her through the evening without any violent freak out sessions. At least my husband is home then to deal with it. I can’t handle her anymore – my bones are getting crispy. 🙂

4. Bravo for doing what seems best for your family at this time. I have some die-hard homeschool friends who believe that every parent should always homeschool every child, but sometimes that is not the best option. Private school is a great option for many people. I hope that this proves to be a good solution for your family. I attended a private school for 12 years (small independent fundamentalist Baptist type). While I would not put my children in that particular school, there were some good things about it. It gave me a strong Bible knowledge, although I suspect my parents were really responsible for most of that. The academics there were weak, but having intelligent, well-educated, motivated parents my brothers and I were able to learn how to learn. That skill allowed me to make up what was lacking when I got to college and had to take Anatomy and Physiology without any chemistry background. Ultimately, a child’s education has more to do with parental involvement than the type of school. Perhaps giving yourself a bit of a break by sending some children to school will help you to be able to enjoy and bond with the younger ones and be more present and patient with the others in the hours that they are home. I will pray that this works well for you. I’ll be curious about how this goes. I homeschool at this point and plan to continue, but I am very aware of my many weaknesses and failures and sometimes wonder if another option may be beneficial for us at some point. We’ll see.

5. I am SO glad you wrote this. I have always been very judgmental when it came to labels (ADD, ADHD, even depression) but within the last year I’ve discovered that I have a highly-sensitive child (SPD) and that has put me in place, for sure. We have been able to significantly help our child’s sensitive tendencies by adding supplements and trying to keep sugar out of her diet.

   I do still think that these disorders are way over-diagnosed (look at how many 5 year old BOYS are labeled ADD..) but as one friend put it, ‘we live in a fallen world and everything is declining’ and I believe that some of these disorders stem from that.

   All of this has really been helpful for me to have a bit more sympathy for other moms. Thank you so much for being so transparent! 🙂 I’ll pray that the transition to a private school goes smoothly for your family!

   • My fear of “labels” kept me from bringing her in for so long. I kept thinking I could fix the problem myself. And yes, my pride was definitely in the way too. It feels good to finally accept the truth – let go – and get help. Thank you for your prayers, Catie.

     • Hi Natalie,
       After reading your blog for years and one of your books, I have come to respect and enjoy all the writing you do, and your insight.
       When I read about having a child with those “labels” I was so encouraged to hear it from someone who I respect. I too, have a 10 year old boy who I KNOW would be labeled both those things. I too, live with the daily fit throwing and disturbance to my whole household (I have 6 children and one on the way). I have tried EVERY diet with him, every book and discipline strategy. He has me to the insane point nearly every day. I often feel like a failure as a parent when I deal with him because sometimes it’s hard to see where things are going right. And yet I know God has him here for a reason, and God humbles me DAILY by this child. My mom thinks he needs meds. But honestly, reading the side effects of the ones he would be on, scares me. And I hate to think of him as dependent on these to function for the rest of his life? I would love any insight you can give on this. Just last week I broke down telling my husband how it’s constant work with him.
       All that to see, I can relate, thank you!

       • We just started meds this week. The jury is still out, but I will definitely talk about that in the future. Give it a month. I’d like to see how things unfold – and then share what our experience is with that route. I really felt like we needed to do something more drastic as she has been getting violent recently. I’m also doing some more reading – so I will write about what I am currently learning in an upcoming article. All the natural paths failed to pan out for us as well. 🙁 Hang in there. God has a plan. We just have no clue what it is, do we? 🙂

6. I totally get it! Here’s hoping some of your homeschool mamma friends will be filled with love and grace! When we moved one to private school I heard a lot of “I’ll never do that! How could you?”

   • That’s sad. 🙁 If anyone says that to me, I’m going to ask them if they will die to themselves and babysit. 😉

7. That sounds like a great idea, if the school is something the kids want to do. There’s nothing wrong with school, any more than there’s anything wrong with schooling at home- it’s the abuse of each system which is where issues come from.

   My first thought though, was for the ADHD issue. I know you said you’ve tried a lot of things, but have you tried using essential oils? I have several people in my acquaintance who have used Young Living’s vetiver, cedarwood, and stress-away and peace&calming blends , and several others with great results. It doesn’t always make the issue completely go away, but is very grounding and certainly helps to tone things down. They’re also great for the other people in the household frazzled by the situation.

   • Yes to essential oils. No – they haven’t helped. 🙁

8. Oh Natalie. I love reading your blog. I love your transparency. You amaze me in so many ways. Congratulations on being willing to go where you said you would never go, ditch the pride, care less about what others might think, and do what you and Joe feel is right for YOUR family. I’m excited for you! I hope that you get a year a joy, calm, peace, and the time to just be “mom” to all of your kids. You know that I love home schooling, but one size does not fit all! You are brave and I admire your grit to push forward and keep trying to find what works best for you. You have been handed a challenge that most of us simply cannot relate to with your dear 10 year old. May none of us be judgmental of the decisions you make in trying to do what is best for her, and thus for the rest of your kids. It will be fun to hear how this next school year goes for you! Bless you dear friend.

   • Thank you, Carrie. 🙂

9. I do not know if you have looked into this or if another has suggested but have you looked at food intolerances? Your daughter sounds similar in some ways to me a child and young adult. I was very emotional and explosive. I just could not handle many things. My parents tried therapy, and medicine which helped in a way but never seemed to fix what I wanted help with. After my son was born we found out he did not tolerate dairy and when we cut that out of my diet( I was bf) I was within a week 50% better than before. So I did more research and found a nutritionist/dietician who specialized in a whole foods real foods lean foods who helped people get healing through what they eat. It has been a major help to me. Nothing can match what Christ has done in my life how He tempers me and changes how I respond but finding out about the intolerances gave me freedom to seek Him like go had NEVER had before. I tell you because I wish I had known that something as simple as no dairy would make such a difference. I also eliminated other things also but that was the biggest thing.

   • Thank you, Grace (or is it Maddeline?). We have tried various elimination diets over the years – with no success. There is much wisdom in what you say about how Christ is the One who ultimately “tempers” you. I am fervently praying Stephanie will accept His grace for her life. Her middle name is “Grace” (!!!!) – and her first name means “Crowned One.” I talk about this with her regularly. I think God chose that name for her (and you!) for a very good reason. 🙂

10. Without sounding disrespectful in any way, I’d first like to say: I don’t see what the big deal is. Isn’t the point to educate children with a christian worldview? Can’t children get that from a private, Christian school? I’ve never been okay with the idea that all Christians MUST Homeschool- or else! It’s simply not true. (And yes, I homeschool.) There are many ways to bring children up in the fear and knowledge of the Lord, and Christian schooling is one of them. It sure was for me, in any case. While I homeschool my own children, I myself went to a christian school for grades 7-12, and MAN OH MAN was I taught deeply in the ways of the Lord! As an adult, I look back and see SO many areas that christian schooling has blessed and impacted my life. So, GO FOR IT. You won’t be receiving any criticism from me, that’s for sure. I one day hope to use Christian school for certain classes for my own children as we are able to afford to send them. (We cannot afford private school right now, which is why we started homeschooling in the first place!)

    If they hate it, you can always bring them back home again.

    I’ve become very wary of any christian groups that teach that Homeschooling is THE ONLY WAY to raise kids correctly. It’s just not true. There is no One-size-fits-all. We all have different situations and needs, and must taylor our educational choices around these things.

    As far as your 10 year old daughter, sadly, the symptoms and tantrums, hours screaming, breaking walls and doors, sound all too familiar. A dear friend of mine battled the same thing with her own daughter. They tried all the natural supplements, the diet changes and disciplines. Nothing worked and the tantrums and screaming got worse. And for YEARS she was misdiagnosed by all the specialists with ODD and ADHD, when what she REALLY had was a form of TURRETS!

    IT WEARS A FAMILY OUT. It truly does. I will be praying for you and your daughter as you battle to find the best care and treatments for everybody. Thank you for your transparency. It gives the rest of us hope.

    • Thank you, Michelle. I taught English in a Christian school back before I was married – and fell in love with the kids there. There really was a lot of sacrificial love and care on the part of the teachers, and the students were able to see a whole community of people who loved Christ. I’m hopeful this school will have the same positive effect on our children for a few hours each day.

11. I too have a child with ODD, undiagnosed, but I’m sure. I pulled him OUT of public school a few yrs ago and teahc my 4 at home now, him the oldest at 12. I just want to tell you THANK YOU for transference in your battles. Moms of kids like this a battle worn and weary and so often judged by fellow mamas, especially the homeschool crowd that expects perfect behavior and assumes you don’t ________________________________ fill in the blank enough or do something too much. I’ve learned it’s not my failures, it’s who he is, and God can use that!

    • man, my post got messed up! transference? was supposed to be transparency -lol

      • It’s that psychological mumbo jumbo again… 😉

    • Oh my. Amen.

12. Dear Natalie, I could have written that. My daughter is 7th of 8, and just turned 17 last week. Fifteen months ago we made the really hard decision to put her in residential placement. There are trade offs, but for my sanity and the health of our family it was necessary. At today’s Treatment and Transition meeting, we were looking at one year and counting until she turns 18 and will have to leave residential. We are looking at someone who has no motivation, and like your daughter no punishments or rewards have EVER worked. Good for you for thinking of the rest of the family. My 2nd daughter graduated from nursing school in FL 4 years ago and when I was reluctant to leave, she reminded me that I do have other children. I homeschooled for 11 years, and when my oldest was 16 they started going to public school, one by one. Great school, but it was a trade-off. Looking back, the biggest issue I have is that no one knows how to deal with kids with these neurobehavioral issues and the accommodations that made were counter productive. They did the best they could, and I can’t fault them. I would love to connect with you and anyone else struggling with these issues. Please feel free to email me at . Gail

    • Augh. Your experiences are my deepest fears. What will she do when she leaves? I’ve been worried about how my daughter will transition into the “real world” as an adult. I pray that in eternity we will see the purposes in this craziness and heartache. I wish so badly we could solve it and move on. I don’t think this is solvable.

13. Me again. Just went back and read a few other comments. We went the meds route when my daughter was in middle school. Four different kinds. The last one, Adderall, caused her to talk of suicide. No one could figure out why, because she seemed quite happy, according to the psychologist. One day I picked up her prescription and read the inner brochure… May cause thoughts of suicide. Her prescribing physician didn’t think that was the cause, but as soon as I stopped giving it to her, the behavior stopped. Hmmm. I have fought medications since then. It seems it’s always the go-to answer. Tried the dietary stuff, neurotherapy, Brain Balance. I keep reminding myself that God has the answer, and I really wish He would let me in on it!

    • Me too. 🙁

14. My experiences with private school: I attended one (a church school) from grades 4-9, and my two oldest children also attended a church school until we began homeschooling them at ages 8 and 5.

    From reading the comments here so far, it looks like most people have had a good experience with private school. So my comment may sound rather negative, being that I did not have such a great experience (my children’s time in private school was better than mine, but there were some issues there, too, which I’ll explain in a bit).

    Some of the problems with my experience may have been due to the ages my classmates and I were at the time I was there. Middle-school age can be a very volatile time, and some children are just plain mean-spirited during those years. A lot depends on the class in which you wind up (and how attentive the teacher is to student-to-student interactions).

    The thing with small schools which only have one class per grade (as is often the case in private/religious schools, and was the case in my grade 4-9 education), you end up with almost all the same students for classmates year after year. If the composition of your class includes some nasty kids, at least if you’re in a bigger school, you may not have them as classmates every year you go to that school. If you are in a small school and they target you, then you never really get a break from them during those school years, plus you have fewer people (other students) who can serve as allies, particularly if you’re stepping into the scene after your (new-to-you) classmates have already established relationships and aren’t the sort to readily welcome a newcomer into the group.

    An attentive teacher, of course, can help to alleviate some of these problems, but, let’s face it, they have a lot of other things to be concerned with, also, as we all know, and negative behavior directed toward some students by others may not be known or addressed if the targeted students don’t speak up about it (which frequently is the case, for any number of reasons).

    The above was my experience. Not in its entirety, of course — there were positive moments, too, and some truly loving teachers, but many more negative moments than I would have guessed I would witness in a Christian school setting (including seeing a teacher get so angry at a student one time [for I don’t remember what reason] that he shoved him up hard against a classroom wall — I’ll never forget the sound of that kid, who was probably close to six feet tall at that time, as he slammed against the wall). Sorry to be dramatic, but it happened, which is still vivid in my memory even almost 40 years later, and I mention it as I believe it serves as an important reminder that these kinds of things can and do happen in Christian environments, too.

    (Please know I’m not trying to scare you, or dissuade you from your decision, Natalie; just being real about my experience, since you asked.) 😉

    Thankfully, my children had a better experience in our church school than I had had in the one I went to. My second child only went to Pre-K, and there isn’t anything particularly notable, either good or bad, to share about her experience, being so limited. However, my oldest child went longer (through the end of 2nd grade). He had nice teachers, liked school and did well academically.

    There were some very interesting dynamics in his class, though — I learned from my years of teaching public school that every class has a “personality” — and at many, maybe every parent-teacher conference we had, the teacher (a different one each year) would tell us our son was doing well, and in the next breath would breathe an exasperated sigh and say something like, “But, oh, this CLASS — they are SOMETHING ELSE!” We heard that A LOT!

    Lots of behavior issues in the classroom. Unfortunately, there were also some very serious family situations in several of the households of my son’s classmates. Within about three or four years after my son had stopped going to school there (we had started homeschooling for family reasons), several of the families in his class got divorces. 🙁 Very tragic, and I certainly believe that the challenges those children were facing at home were spilling over into the classroom, making for a very chaotic environment at school.

    By the time this class finished 8th grade, there were only about 10 or 12 children left in the class, whereas there had been 21 children in the class the last year my son was in school (2nd grade), many of the children (though not all) having moved away due to their parents’ divorces. Heartbreaking, and difficult to know just how the remaining children were impacted by seeing so many of their classmates going through these things.

    I know this comment has gotten too long, but one other very significant detail I think should be pointed out is that, some years after our children were no longer going to school, our church school very tragically had a case where a volunteer at the school molested a child or children. The man went to prison, and died while serving his sentence.

    No one wants to think about these kinds of things happening, especially in a Christian environment, but we all know they do, and I believe predators often see Christians as easy targets. We really don’t want to believe that people like this are lurking in nice Christian schools. Our church school now does background checks for everyone, employees and volunteers alike, and has other safety measures in place.

    I believe it’s important to ask some hard questions in this day and age about policies that are in place to protect students from things like this.

    Well, those are my two cents, and I’m sorry I went on so long. I don’t mean to sound like a negative Nellie — there were some good moments associated with the private school experiences I’ve had as a student and a parent, and it’s great that so many here seemed to have positive experiences. It’s just not always that way, and is a matter that definitely requires much prayer, watchfulness and wisdom.

    Blessings to you and your family.

    • Very true about different classes. I was in a horrible class in the public school system going through the middle grades – while my sisters both had very good classes. Our experiences with school are night and day.

      We are prepared to pull any one of them if that ends up being the case. I do not want any of our kids to go through what I went through in school growing up. It messes with your mind – and you live with the fallout the rest of your life.

      • I do think it sounds lovely, you have made the decision that works for your family for this year – that’s all any parent can (or should!) do.
        My experience at private Christian school was mixed, good and bad. 6arrows – I totally understand and sympathize with your post, as I had some of those experiences. I was an unhappy homeschooled kid in smalltown MN who longed to see friends every day, have a locker, go on sports trips, sing in a choir, have a senior trip and a real graduation, etc… and my parents agreed to send me. There were many good things about going there, and I’m very thankful my parents sacrificed to drive me 25 miles to Rosemount every day for 3 years (10-12th grades), but there were some major problems. One is, as 6arrows described, if you are in a class of bad kids you are stuck there. I had 2 good friends at the start who were gone by my senior year. Every chance I got, I hung out with the 11th grade girls because they were much nicer than the ones in my class. There was a big clique problem, division between cool and not cool kids, that I guess is true at any school. But at such a small one (12 kids in my class), it is hard to work around.
        The biggest problem with my school was the hypocrisy. It is in a Independent Fundamental Baptist Church, which puts great emphasis on women wearing skirts (all the time), using the King James Bible, listening to the “right” kind of music (music like Bethlehem uses was considered sinful), and getting numbers of people to church and saved. Anyone participating in these activities looked good and was considered a star kid spiritually. Unfortunately, few of those kids were truly seeking God in any form, and a handful were actually involved in premarital sex, experimenting with alcohol, terrible choices in movies and music, and all the things the school thought it was keeping out. Many of my class were big time cheaters (tests, homework), and it wasn’t cool to be the kid with the conscience trying to do what she knew was right. Even one teacher was a perfect example of someone who washed the outside of the cup but was filthy inside. I know kids in a public school face pressure, but there the lines are so black and white, good vs. evil. At my school it was much more murky. The leaders were quite deceived about which kids truly deserved the recognition for their Godliness. (and the fact that outward Godliness was recognized publicly was part of the problem)
        The second biggest problem I had there was the manipulation of guilt used to get students to “be Godly.” Chapel services were often accompanied by an altar call when the preacher (who may have been screaming and pounding the pulpit during the majority of his message) would ask you to come forward and respond to his message by confessing your sin of _____ /surrendering to be a missionary/stop wearing pants (girls)/renewing your fervor to go door-to-door soulwinning lest the blood of people going to hell be on your hands. I am not exaggerating – I heard these messages many times. There was constant pressure and guilt to be following their standards and to be doing more for the Lord (by their definition).
        I do not think the school was all bad – there were loving and godly teachers, the Bible was taught, etc…, but the things that were bad have messed with my soul for years. The constant preaching against sin, both real sins and made up ones, takes its toll on your conscience. Many of my fellow students swung the opposite way into godless living. Not all Christian schools run this way, but please beware of those that do! At the end of the day, wherever you send your kid to school (or don’t send them) is not going to make them who they are. God will. Just be aware of the heart issues that can actually be harder for a Godly kid in a Christian school to navigate than a Godly kid in a public one.

        • We’ll be keeping our eyes and ears open! 🙂

        • Thanks for your comment, Christine. I’m glad there were some good aspects to your private Christian school experience, though I’m very sorry about the clear drawbacks that were present. (Public recognition for students’ godliness? Wow — that made me cringe. Talk about encouraging works righteousness, a dead-end route if there ever was one.)

          Praying for you, Christine! Peace and blessings in Christ.

      • I’ll pray your children will have a much more positive experience in school than you had, Natalie. So sorry about that.

15. Natalie,

    If it is any comfort to you, our girl who threw unbelievable temper tantrums well into her teen years, is now a fairly well adjusted (if not slightly unique) mother in her own right, and her younger siblings have forgiven her for their interesting childhood.

    It sounds as if God has got a plan for both you and her. Don’t feel bad – ever – about doing what is best for your charges.

    • Oooo…hope?! 🙂

16. Hi, Natalie,
    Sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like your daughter has copper toxicity. Have you ever had a hair analysis done on her? Here’s more info. http://drlwilson.com/Articles/copper_toxicity_syndrome.htm

17. Thanks for your openness, Natalie!! No worries about judgment from me. If you were a fly on my wall you would know how well I understand.

    Tina

18. (((HUGS))) I’d love to know more about the process of getting a child diagnosed. I am certain my 13 year old has ADD… It even runs in the family.

    Regarding private school….I’ll just share my experience for what it’s worth. 🙂 Not trying to change your mind, either way… I went to private school most of my elementary years. I had different experiences with different schools. The one I attended in 3rd grade had an immature teacher who called me a name that followed me for many years. 🙁 A few years later, I attended a Baptist school that was very legalistic. The *best* private Christian school was the one I attended in Jr. High. It was non-denominational. The teachers LOVED the kids… I still think of them fondly. The negatives of this school was the homework!!! TONS AND TONS… It felt like it swallowed up my entire life….If the homework had eased up a bit, this school would have been nearly perfect. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your life. 🙂 (((HUGS))) and blessings
    Lisa

    • Thank you, Lisa. I’ll keep ya’ll posted on how the kids do with this new adventure!

19. Natalie,
    Thank you for your honesty and transparency in this post. I wanted to let you know that I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety (more labels!) at the age of 8. I cried a lot, had so much fear, and was a ball of nerves. It lasted for years. I would throw tantrums even at aged 10 because of all the fear I experienced and knew that I put my parents through the ringer. I praise God though that He gave me two parents who supported me, helped me, and continued to plant seeds of faith into my heart. God made those planted seeds to grow and today He has healed me from OCD and anxiety. I still tend to be a worry wart but by His grace He’s given me freedom. God has got you and your little girl in the palm of His hand. He can even take labels such as OCD, ODD and ADHD and turn them into something good! (Romans 8:28 is now my life verse!)
    Praying for you and your family.

    • Gretchen, are you able to articulate now what you were afraid of as a child? I’d be so interested to know what was going on inside your heart then. Thank you for your prayers.

20. So excited for your new adventure! Will be praying it goes wonderful for all. What a priveledge to learn about my own sin issues from observing in blog land someone farther in the journey of life write about hers. Thank you for all you write about! And thank you for the speedy post too 😉

21. The Lord leads each of us on a path that He has marked out for us. No one knows what path He has for you but Him. He always does everything well and everything is for our good.
    As I was reading your post, these sections of scripture were going through my mind: James 5: 14-16 and James 1:2-5. I hope you don’t mind, but I want to pray for you…
    Lord, I ask that you would grant, Natalie and her husband, to be strengthened with might through Your Holy Spirit and they may know the love of Christ which passes knowledge and be filled with all the fullness of God. Please bring comfort where there is grief and peace where there is anxiety. We put our trust in You, Lord, because You are able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. All glory be to You! In Jesus name, Amen.

    • Amen. Thank you, Karen.

22. Did not read all the comments, but from skimming I’m so pleased (and relieved) to see so many encouraging ones. I just wanted to say bravo (or “well done”?) for being sensitive to the Lord’s leading and doing what is best for this season of life. I know so many steps of the journey hurt and have been hard, but resting in the hollow of His Hands is the best place to be. He carries us all on different journeys; the ones that we each (individually, and as families) need. It is wise to constantly tap into Him through prayer and hold our children – and homeschooling – with open hands, remembering that our children are “loaned” into our stewardship, not given fully to us.

    All that to say, the longer (in years) that I read your site, and the more I learn of and from you, the more I respect your walk and talk, Natalie. I’ll be praying for y’all, soli Deo gloria.

    • Oh, Lauren. Good words. Thank you! 🙂

23. I am so glad that you’ve chosen option that will give your whole family some more support and more breathing room.

    I’ve worked as a public school teacher for 8 years now. In my first four years, I was working in an urban district with students who had been kicked out of traditional high schools and ended up at our “alternative” school. Some of those students clearly had mental health issues that needed to be addressed.

    ODD and ADHD do exist. Yes, they can be over-diagnosed, but by the time a child is 10 that’s much more rare since the child is fully verbal and should have some ability to control their behaviors especially compared to a toddler.

    The way I explain it to my HS kiddos is that when your pancreas doesn’t produce enough of a chemical (insulin), you get diabetes which is a disease. No one feels guilty about having diabetes; we all get sick sometimes. When your brain doesn’t produce enough of a chemical, you get (ADHD, ODD, depression, OCD etc.). We don’t need to feel guilty about having a brain that isn’t producing the right chemical than we need to feel guilty about any other organ not working exactly perfectly. We’re none of us perfect.

    Medications may take a while to work; not all of them work the same way on a given kid. If at all possible, please consider working with a trained counselor. Contrary to many people’s views, all the counselors I have ever met have been supportive of my faith – in fact, they view it as one part of helping me recover. Think of these men and women as mentors who have skills that can help your daughter and help you.

    You’re on my daily prayer list as I weed my garden. May God continue watching over you and yours!

    • Thank you! Yes, I used to be afraid to invite the secular community into our lives, but honestly, I’ve had more help and support from them than the Christian community. And even book-wise – I’m finding that the secular literature is extremely good. So much wisdom given under God’s general grace poured out to mankind. Sure – there are bad things woven throughout -duh – but so much that is excellent and helpful and, yes, “biblical” though they may be unaware that they are borrowing from the Bible. I think the Christian community has made a big mistake by running the other direction rather than engaging and exchanging in the public forum.

      Thank you for praying. Wow, do I ever see evidence in my heart of the fact that people are doing that on my behalf – and on behalf of our family. We are under such intense attack right now spiritually. I have seriously wrestled with suicidal and self-destructive thoughts at times recently – and that is totally from the enemy. I can feel God pulling me up and out though. Think of that when you are weeding. You are praying for others to be pulled up and out – while you pull those weeds. Bless you to pieces.

24. Dear Nathalie, we here in The Netherlands have for more than hundred years our christian schools.
    Our children are going to a reformed christian school.There’s not a great difference between school and church, although many familys live their (christian) lives not on the same manner as we think we ought to do. But we are glad and have to be gratefull to the Lord that He gives us this possibility.
    I hope and think you have chosen the right concission in your circumstances. I wish you strength with your daughter en a lovely time with your little kids when homescholing.
    Greetings from Holland, Jeannette

    • Hello Jeannette! One of my dear friends here in Minnesota is Dutch – and her name is Jeannette as well! When I was in first grade we all had to pick a country to present to our class. We had to dress up the way a child would dress from that country, etc. I chose the Netherlands and dressed like a little dutch girl. I don’t remember very many details about my childhood, but that is one event that stands out in my mind. I loved learning about Holland and was fascinated by the people and the history. I hope God will let me come and visit your country (and some other places over there – I am Norwegian) before I die! Thank you for reaching out to say “hi!” 🙂
25. Pingback: What Kept Me from Getting Outside Help for My ADHD Child Sooner | Visionary Womanhood

26. I so appreciate your honesty. While not everything needs to be shared in detail, I feel that we in the church have become too good at wearing a mask that all is well. And I have walked the dark road of depression, close relative drug addiction, and many other deep hurts in life. I speak FREELY of my depression because it turns out tens of other women in my own church alone struggle with it and thought they were all alone. We are not alone. Life is hard, messy, painful and this side of heaven it will continue to be that way. Every breath is grace. Every heartbeat…grace. Anything we accomplish in any way…..grace. And even the fact that we survive the valley – beat up, weary and wounded….grace. Because we see more of Him in those times. He proves His faithfulness to us time and time again. We are never alone. God is doing 10,000 things that we cannot see at the time (a little John Piper thought for you 🙂 ). So, all that to say – my heart breaks for your dear one. After having her in Kindergarten class, she has a permanent place in my heart. I did not know the extent of the challenges and will be praying.

    The school thing…..it is what we have said all along. God has provided MANY options for us. Each year and each child needs to be evaluated with the wisdom He has granted us. He guides. And even if we happen to choose “wrong” at some point (which we will), His grace and Sovereignty cover that as well.

    Looking forward eagerly with you to see how God moves in her life. May this school even be used by Him to soften her heart of stone and give her a heart of flesh. To raise her from deadness in sin to abundant, new life in Christ, the ultimate healer of ALL our hurts. If not here on earth, in eternity with HIM.

    • Oh, thank you. Thank you for that blessing. It’s like a balm. I’m getting ready to start the day, and there is always a dread of what it holds. You know? You brace yourself, but it’s never enough. You get bowled over no matter what. I’m grabbing for every string of hope I can find right now. I remember you loving her when she was in your class. I sometimes cried, I was so happy someone (YOU!) could see the good parts in her. She has so much that is amazing about her. It breaks my heart to see her throw it to the wind because of her problems. What part is brain related and which part is heart related? These are the questions that keep me awake at night in agony.

27. Natalie,
    I read your post about your child having ODD. (I’m going to ignore the ADHD because almost every child is diagnosed with that, and I find it to be widely misdiagnosed. I just find it unbelievable that there is an ADHD epidemic in this country. Like a contagious flu. Please, give me a break.)
    However, ODD sounds right, but there is one label I wish you would look at also. Yes, another label, I know. Have you inquired about ACP? Here is a link to it: https://www.newharbinger.com/psychsolve/anger-control-problem
    Please check it out. It sounds a lot like a possibility and there is treatment for it! I hope this helps. Thank you for your posts on homeschooling. I truly enjoyed them. God bless!

    • Thank you for sharing that link with me! I’ll take a look.

28. I grew up in mostly private schools. I also have an adhd child who will drive anyone crazy. I also have an autistic child. My only concern for you with your 2 special needs children is that I can’t remember any special needs kids in any of the private schools actually making it in any of the private/Christian schools I went to. There were no special ed/resource teachers. There were no IEP’s and 504 Plans like they have in public schools. All of the kids I knew who had any type of learning disabilities pretty much failed their first year there and then we never saw them again. My child with adhd would not make it in a Christian/Private school. He would be kicked out pretty quickly. Before he was medicated, the public schools he went to before we started hs’ing were constantly calling me to come talk to him, come get him, etc. The first hour of the day before his meds were in him and the last 2 hours of the day after his meds wore off sent his teachers reeling. In public elementary school, adhd kids are given more grace. Once they hit middle school, they start suspending/expelling them and then they are labeled as the “bad kid.” My experience in private schools was that these kids did not last very long at all in either elementary or middle school. Private schools aren’t forced to put up with adhd kids-public schools are. My child with learning disabilities with Autism who required both OT and Speech therapy was just passed along through the public school system. In a private school, she just would have been failed when she made all F’s.

    I would make sure to check with the particular school you have chosen to see if they have any kind of special ed or plans for students with disabilities. I was a student at 6 different Baptist/Christian/Private schools and not one of them had anything for kids who weren’t “normal.” Also, just because it is a Christian school, it doesn’t mean that bad stuff doesn’t happen in them. I’ve actually considered sending one of my children to a private school, but because I have been in them I know that I can’t let my guard down. I know 2 of the 6 schools I went to there weren’t really issues that happened-the kids in those 2 schools seemed to be good kids. The other 4 had plenty of issues. In one, I walked in on two other students in the middle of an oral sex act-I was 14 at the time. In another one, there were boys and girls hiding in the stairwells doing sexual acts. In another one, the kids were bringing wine coolers and the kids were all drinking them in the nursery of the church the school was off of. Another one had a coach who molested a girl in the school. The “cleanest” private school I had gone to was one that only allowed church members to go to it.

    Not trying to be negative, but you asked for experiences in private schools. 🙂 I honestly didn’t mind being in a private school. I liked it. I liked the public schools I went to too. I made lasting friendships from the private schools I went to and had a lot of fun in my time in them. I felt like I received a good education as well in the schools who taught Abeka. Just giving you a heads up to always remain vigilant as I think a lot of parents-mine included-think that their children wouldn’t be exposed to the drinking, sex, etc. if they were in a Christian school and in many Christian schools that is not the case. In any situation, we have to teach out kids how to handle what may come up.

29. So, I know I’m late to the party on this, but I am just stumbling onto your website looking for soap. I wanted to thank you so much for this post. I have 3 children aged 5 (my girl) and 3.5 (my twin boys). I have ALWAYS wanted to homeschool my children. I am not a religious person, but I felt very drawn to the idea of teaching my children. Then, things happened. Life got….. difficult. I have always known that my daughter was spirited and developmentally advanced. I have also known for most of their lives that the boys were a little behind. What I didn’t know is that all 3 of my kids land on the Autism spectrum. I have a full mixed bag. My daughter is highly intelligent with Aspergers. One of the twins has classic Autism with sensory issues and speech delay, and the other twin has PDD-NOS. On top of that, my daughter also has ADHD and possible ODD. That all being said, I was beginning to feel like I could not possibly homeschool them. This subsequently made me feel weak, like a horrible mother (not that mothers that send their kids to traditional school are bad mothers, I just really felt this was what was best for MY kids), and like and all around failure. I really admire mothers that can homeschool their children, especially when they have a lot of kids in the house. I have kind of always felt like “if she can do it with 6 kids, I can certainly do it with 3”. Feeling like its just not possible, and seeing that public school (they are all in 1/2 day special needs preschool at the local elementary school) was doing them a lot of good has caused me many shameful, private tears. Reading this post has made me feel so much less of those negative things. It may be silly for a complete stranger’s random blog post to have that type of impact on me, but it has. I thank you for sharing, and I wish you luck in the future!
    P.S. Sorry for the novel

    • I’m glad this was helpful to you. The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that we all have our own path to walk, and it isn’t going to be like someone else’s path. You have a unique set of children that are all your own. So your journey is also all your own. You are not a horrible mother. You are doing what is best for your children. Homeschool is not best for everyone, and that’s a fact. Thank you for stopping by!

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