Finding Perfection in Homemaking
By Contributing Writer, Tyanne
Let me start by confessing I have not been looking forward to writing this post. When I received the schedule of topics for this year at Visionary Womanhood, the thought of writing about spring cleaning and home organization was one more reminder among dozens that I do not have it all together as a homemaker. It was another reminder of how little wisdom I have to offer on this topic and how much I hate that this is true.
With sinful pride, I enjoy presenting myself as self-sufficient, capable, and wise. My temptation right now is to tell you about how qualified I am to succeed at life’s challenges, including homemaking. I could boast in my education and career accomplishments and carefully convince you that I am a voice worth listening to when it comes to organizing your home.
I could simply leave out that I have struggled to keep my head above water and focus instead on one of the few areas of success I have had in keeping up around the house. I could convince you that I have something great to add to your homemaking binder and continue to deny that my own binder sits empty. God has graciously been teaching me to boast in my weaknesses, however, and I know He expects me to do so today.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Prior to becoming a full-time homemaker, I was full of pride and self-confidence in my own ability to become one. I looked forward to leaving my career and focusing on our family and home, and I imagined myself thriving as I dedicated myself to becoming a strong woman of God. As I soaked up the pages of Titus 2 inspired books and observed the skills of the godly wives and mothers I admired, I envisioned myself in their roles and ignorantly thought, “I can do that…and that, and that…and that.”
I can almost hear myself saying, “My home will be spotless. My laundry will never pile up. My routine will be extremely productive. My children will meet my [highest] expectations.”
It has now been more than two years since I left the professional world to start this life I had longed to have, and I am here to tell you that my thoughts have frequently become, “I can’t do this…or this, or this…or this.” With one toddler of my own, one on the way, and one who I babysit during the week, my home is far from spotless, and the laundry is spilling over. My attempts at productive routines have never endured the irregular interruptions of small children and my husband’s ever-changing ministry calendar.
I have been brought low by this season of life, and I am learning that this is where God wanted me all along. He has used my messy counter tops and dusty book shelves to humble me in unexpected ways, and by doing so He has made room for perfection in my home in the only form it will ever exist — in the power of Christ. He has been teaching me to repent of my pride and say, ”I am weak, but You are strong. Your grace is sufficient for me.”
It is no coincidence that my shame and anxiety surrounding my failures as a homemaker have faded as my pride has been broken, and I have finally approached the Lord in my emptiness. It should not surprise me that the fullness of God’s grace has met me in these weaknesses, and I am suddenly making progress in the homemaking skills that had left me feeling defeated in the past.
It turns out God is serious about the dangers of pride and the necessity of humility in our lives, and He knew that a strong dose of fussy babies and backed-up housework was needed to break me of this sinful pride.
This season of motherhood and homemaking, though always changing and sadly temporary, has been used by God to burn the words of Psalm 131 into my tired mind:
My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. (Psalm 131: 1-2)
And with brokenness as my new starting point, I am finally experiencing the beauty of His grace and power as I learn to balance the demands of our home with the needs of my husband and child. Though I still desire a spotless home, a productive routine, and fully obedient children, I am learning to find my full contentment in God’s grace and lean on His strength, not my own, as I seek to glorify Him as a homemaker.
You may have gathered this by now, but I have no intention of providing you with practical tips on home organization or spring cleaning today. I am young and inexperienced, and I have spent the little time God has given me as a homemaker relying on my own strength and foolish pride. I have one piece of wisdom to offer this month to equip you in your homemaking endeavors, and it has come to me only by the work of God’s grace and mercy: Humble yourself.
Ladies, many of us have been created with ambitious hearts and equipped with able minds and bodies to approach our homes with diligence and pride. While this diligence is necessary in the never-ending needs of our households, when paired with pride and void of humility it holds us captive in our sin and rejects the power of Christ in our daily tasks.
God is using the demands of this stage of life to teach me that I need to be humbled more and more in order to experience the joy and freedom He gives to me as a homemaker; for example:
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As I fail day after day to manage my time around irregular naps and unexpected interruptions, I need to be humbled in order to respond with patience rather than frustration and anger.
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As I feel shame over my failure to keep up with daily chores before my husband arrived home from work, I need to be humbled in order to admit my need for his help and ask for more grace in his expectations.
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As I am confronted with my lack of skill and experience in our home, I need to be humbled in order to admit that I have so much to learn and take the necessary steps to learn such skills.
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As I seek to grow and improve as a homemaker, I need to be humbled in order to be teachable and seek help from older women who have precious experience to share.
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As I fall on my face and find myself bowing to the temptation of pride or laziness yet again, I need to be humbled in order to run to my Lord to honestly repent of my sin and turn from it.
When my heart is filled with pride, and my ego has shaded my vision, I am a useless (and miserable) vessel. This has proved especially true in my homemaking journey so far, and I believe it will continue to be true throughout every stage of life. So as I approach spring cleaning, or any cleaning really, humility is one supply I must seek above all others. Anything of worth that is done in our home must be the work of humble hands that are relying on the Holy Spirit for strength, honor, and blessing.
Someday, I do hope to have years of wisdom and experience to pour out on younger women who find themselves in my current shoes — young, inexperienced, and frequently overwhelmed — but I know that day will only come through hundreds of lessons in humility and grace as I seek to honor God in this journey.
Until then, I will join you all as you fill up on the wisdom of older women who graciously come along to encourage us along the way and try to thank God for every humbling moment He carries me through.
Tags: homemaking, humility, perfectionism
Thanks for choosing to be honest here! You are truly a blessing to the rest of us who also struggle to keep it all together. Thanks for the timely reminder that all things hold together in Christ (Col 1:17) – even our households!
Thanks, Becky. Being honest isn’t always fun, and this “boasting in weakness” thing is uncomfortable at first, but it certainly serves a greater purpose than my own selfish ambitions and points more strongly to Christ, as the Scripture promises. I am so thankful to be able to finally say, openly, “Seriously guys, I have nothing to offer you…but Jesus does.”
Tyranne, this post is full of gospel grace. God is growing you. It hits close to home for me because this is also an area where I feel my weakness deeply and have have had to lean hard on my all-sufficient shepherd.
Thank you, Jeannette. I definitely feel the growth, and that makes the struggle much sweeter! As a young Christian, I never expected the gospel to impact me while doing laundry and dishes, but I am so thankful it has!
I have 12 blessings and I too struggle with this! I had very little mentoring when I was young like you and I never realized my need to be humble so the pride, unconsciously, grew. You are so wise at such a young age and He who began a good work in you, WILL be faithful to complete it! Continually seek other women who will go along side of you and speak truth in love and encourage you! It is essential! Even as a “seasoned” mother, I am still in great need of that! My oldest is now expecting their first baby and my youngest is 2 so in some ways I still feel like I am in that “young mother” mode and yet I have more experience than women who are just starting out. We all need each other and most importantly, we need to lean on His everlasting arms! Thank you for the gentle reminder that none of us have it all together and it is far greater to realize that and receive our strength from the only one who can give us His grace!
Blessings to you and God is so proud of the sacrifices you have made and will make in His name! It does not go un-noticed!
Thanks for sharing about your family with me, Heather. I am always so comforted when seasoned mothers tell me that they don’t always have it all together either, and I love hearing that they too rely heavily on grace!
Ah, another mom is humbled by the hard work of motherhood. And you said it so well – God desires us to rely upon Him. We find our strength in Him to do this work and we are better mothers as we rely on Him.
My daughters were raised with many siblings and a busy house from which to learn the skills of a home manager. Yet, as they grow their own families, they are constantly being stretched to discover the strength to manage it well. It’s just hard work!
Pride is put aside, humility enters in, and God’s grace sees us through.
Thanks for a great post!
Terry, sometimes I wonder if I would have less struggle if I was raised in a home like yours, learning to manage the chores, cooking, and busy interruptions. It is easy for me to think that I was just not prepared well for this, and that is why I struggle, but your daughters are great examples of the fact that God didn’t make this journey of homemaking easy for any of us, no matter how prepared we have been. While it’s frustrating at times, it is such a blessing that he calls us to this humbling, difficult work!
As an empty nester I reflect on something I heard during my early years, “After the children are gone you can keep a tidy house.” I find that it is somewhat true, but then there are all the projects to do and places to go that get priority over a pristine palace. Now I just tell folks who ask, “how do you do everything you write about?” I just say, “I don’t clean house.” Really, there is no eternal reward for having everything be perfect. There is Christ’s words in Luke 10: “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Ironic isn’t it that today’s Martha (Stewart) challenges us all to return to being the Martha of Jesus time.
The Mary and Martha example hits me often, and God uses the truth of that passage to slap some perspective across my face.
Still, while I don’t want to be Martha, I do want to strive to serve my children and family well by creating a home that is comfortable, clean (enough), and nourishing, and so often I have failed to reach the minimum in these areas! I once read of a monk who was the dishwasher in his monastery — spending most of his daily time washing dishes. He is quoted for saying, “never am I more at worship then when cleaning a dish…” I so desire to be a Mary who is always at Jesus’ feet, even while cleaning my dishes!
Although I very much love (and find helpful) the posts of seasoned homemakers, this post is by far the most helpful, in terms of longevity, that I have ever read. What a refreshing reminder of grace and humility; lessons I also am learning and need to learn daily. You are not alone and neither am I!
Thank you for your honesty and clear look at how grace and humility can be walked out in homemaking. God bless your efforts and your family! Thank you!
Katie, I don’t believe I have ever received a comment that suggested a post was the “most” anything! If it is true, I am so thankful that God has taken something I was embarrassed and hesitant to share and used it in such a significant way. In terms of longevity, I am definitely learning in every single area of my life that “more humility” is always a large part of the answer, and I expect that will be a life long challenge: reject pride, forget my own strength, guzzle grace. Thank you for commenting and being so encouraging!
Thank you so much for your wonderful testimony! I can so identify with you. I’m a young mom with two under two. There are days I fool myself into thinking that I “get it all done”, but the next day will be so humbling. I am finding the sweetest rest, however, in our Savior’s grace. I’m so thankful there are no commandments about a clean house, ha ha! Blessings to you!
You and I need to hang out.
Misery loves company! (I’m totally kidding about the misery thing…some days.) It is always so encouraging to hear I am not alone, that there are other Christian moms of little ones relying on God’s grace to “get it all done,” and that some days are more humbling than others! Blessings to you, as well!
Tyanne, you are precious and beautiful. I love your heart for God, your desired to be fully submitted to Him, even while trying to be the best Mama, wife, and homemaker that you are capable of being.
I believe most if not all of us struggle with pride and self will, and God certainly does deal with us on these issues.
I also believe that God has a sense of humor, and wants us to enjoy the life He has given us.
To that end, I have one Spring Cleaning tip.
Spring arrived here in the NC mountains YESTERDAY. I was so excited to throw open the windows and attack the winter dust and dreariness. But I am not much on housekeeping in general–I would much rather be outside. So-o-o,
I plugged up my electric leaf blower, and went to town! I blew dust bunnies out from under the heavy furniture, out of the drapery, out of the corners and high places and low places, and OUT THE FRONT DOOR! Laughing all the time.
Then I went outside in the sunshine and waited for the dust to settle (literally!)
After a while, I went in and dusted and vacuumed like a normal person – a normal person with a big smile on my face.
Love in Christ!
Katy
Oh…my…goodness! Leaf blower in the house?! That is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time! My two year old would be in heaven! (He loves BIG LOUD anything.) What steps do you recommend I take to convince my husband that we need a leaf blower? What price are we talking? Do they sell them in the Spring? (Maybe Craigslist?)
In all seriousness, thank you for taking the time to encourage me and leave a great spring cleaning tip! I am blessed by it.
Tyanne,
Bless you, what an excellent post!
Thank you, Sue!