Because we live in a sin-wrecked world, not everyone will be able to have as many children as they would like. For various reasons that range from unwilling spouses to physical limitations, our families will all be of varying sizes. One thing we can all say with resounding conviction is that children ARE a blessing. And I know that every one of us are grateful for every blessing that we have been enabled, by God’s grace, to birth and raise.
When I was younger, I hoped for five children. I thought that would make a nice, LARGE family, and that is what I planned for! I’m not really a “kid-lover” by nature. I adore babies. And I really enjoy teens. (My degree was in secondary education.) But children 2-10? Not my comfort zone. I hated babysitting. I was really nervous I would have those same irritating feelings toward my own children. Five children would be a stretch…but doable.
Over the course of the years, through loss, physical issues regarding my pregnancies, almost two years of bed rest, times of severe, debilitating back pain and vascular problems, God opened my eyes to see children from HIS perspective. Not as personal trophies or pets for my own gratification, but as future God-worshipers, leaders, and Kingdom-Builders. Once I caught that breathtaking vision, He was able to bring me to the place where I could surrender all the troubles that came with raising these “arrows” to Him. I flung myself on His mercy…to give…or to take away…as He saw fit. This was a very hard and emotional surrendering, but with the end in view…God also gave the faith and the hope that I needed to move forward.
One of my greatest fears in letting go was that I would get to my 40s and go through loss after loss, suffering “unnecessary”, ongoing, emotional pain. I was also very afraid of my own body…which had already “let me down” so many times in my younger years. I couldn’t imagine how it would “hold out” as I aged. I didn’t really see anyone “talking” about this issue online (blogs etc.) perhaps because it is such a private thing, perhaps because most women in their forties are not interested in having children, maybe there really isn’t much anyone wants to share, or….maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough. : )
I was afraid to walk through it alone.
I decided the only way through it was to forge ahead…and take it one year, one month, one week, sometimes one day at a time. God gives grace for today…not for tomorrow. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matt. 6:34)
Everyone’s experience will be different. God has each one of us on His own specialized plan to sanctify us, making us more like His Son. It’s best not to compare our own journey to that of our friend at church. God is tender toward His lambs. What happens to each one of us, though it may shock and surprise US…never shocks or surprises HIM. We can rest in His perfect guidance and love…whether we suffer multiple losses…secondary infertility…the heart breaking disappointment of a spouse who would like to avoid future pregnancies…a vasectomy reversal that produces no results…horrific pregnancy symptoms that can seem unbearable at times…or more children than we had thought we could “handle”.
I have had three miscarriages since I turned 40. (I had two losses before my forties.) I believe they are typical, age-related miscarriages, and I think there is a likelihood that I will have more before that fertility window closes. But the vast majority of my fears have not been realized, and God has brought to my attention some scientific, medical information that has been very practical, encouraging and hopeful for older women who are open to having more children in their forties.
Join me next time as I share some of these practical ideas in the second part of this mini-series!
About Wemmick Girl Saved by Grace
Thank you for such a wonderful article. You’re right, no one really talks about these things. It is comforting to know I am not the only one with these fears. And I am so encouraged in how you described yourself forging ahead and trusting the Lord for each day. I look forward to part 2 of this series.
Allison, I think there are a LOT of us out there. We need to find one another and encourage each other. We are NOT alone! : ) Thank you for taking the time to shoot me a comment. Blessings to you.
Your post is beautifully timed with my recent personal ponderings. I will be 39 this year and we are still open to having more children (we have four–high school through kindergarten). It seems that some of my peers are so excited for their “freedom” as their children have moved into their teens, young adults etc. and are going out with their girlfriends and almost “re-discovering” themselves as if they were teens. I love having a full house bustling with cooking, music, children playing, ministry, education, pets under foot, art, conversation, gardening, etc.
Like you, I wasn’t a “child person” but thankfully the Lord can transform those who are willing.
I am looking forward to your future discussions about motherhood/pregnancy, etc. in the forties.
Thank you also for your encouragement and inspiration along this beautiful journey of being a wife and mother.
Under His Wings,
Malinda
Dear Malinda,
I think having children when you are older keeps you YOUNG! Seriously! I feel younger when I’m toting around my littles. Most people are shocked when I tell them I’ve got an almost 18 year old and a 15 year old too. ; ) God’s economy is right side up. Culture is upside down. But the only way to find that out is to walk differently. I pray God blesses you and your husband with more children as you enter those wonderful 40s! (And they really are wonderful!)
Looking forward to part two as well, I have indeed been pretty discouraged that we have not gotten pregnant since Lily. A part of me thinks it is ’cause God is making room for the children we have/are adopting and in His time we will get pregnant again. Then again Maybe eight(bio) was his plan for our family. I struggle with God’s best. In my darkest moments of questioning God’s plans and future for our family as I am getting older, I have thought what if we chose to add to our family by adoption at the sacrifice of more bio babies. I do not think that is the case but in my frusteration I can think that at times. It all comes down to trusting God,his goodness,and his tender plan for our family,just like you wrote. Natalie. I really enjoy when you have the time to write personal posts like this. You have a lot of wisdom and write beautifuly.
Oh Tina, I’ve been so hoping I’d get an e-mail from you saying that you were pregnant again. I’m still hoping. Congratulations on your newest adoption! I’m so happy that things are going so smoothly this time. He is a blessed young man to come into your home. I know he will experience the love…and grace…of the Savior as he is surrounded by many who will love him to pieces. God has a plan just perfect for you.