Depression: The Lessons of Suffering in the Dark
By Contributing Writer, Kelly Crawford
Last summer, I found myself in a place no other human could touch. How can a place such as that be so painful and yet so glorious all at once? I was utterly depressed.
Not so much an overwhelming sadness, though sadness was involved, but more of a despondency, the complete lack of motivation to do the most basic of tasks, which for me, is a dreaded place. I’m usually full of ideas and inspiration and life–to a fault–but when I’m not, I’m really empty.
When we are there though, we are compelled to look up, to cry out to the only One who “can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities.”
Causes
Depression is one of those tricky topics among Christians, because we are tempted to believe it is solely a spiritual issue. And sometimes it is. But sometimes it’s not. I truly believe, having walked through it, that the brain, though more complicated than other body parts, is still capable of being “broken,” just like a kidney.
Sometimes inventory is required to figure that out. Is there unrepentant sin in my life? (Psalm 32:3,4) Am I abiding in Christ, letting His Word be to me a fountain of life? Once the spiritual causes are ruled out, we look to the physical.
And sometimes those physical causes can be easily treated. Are you getting enough exercise? Vitamin D? Serotonin?
Lessons, Regardless of Reasons
I learned some valuable spiritual lessons during my darkness. Though our humanness seeks to avoid suffering, God uses suffering–always has–to achieve His purposes. Maybe, we should do less avoiding and more resting in His providence.
For me, it was a time of being still and quiet. Of coming face to face with my utter frailty and recognizing that He is the joy of my salvation. We need to know our weaknesses, and for me, depression did the trick.
“I was brought low, and he helped me.” Psalm 116:6
Suffering from depression brought another unexpected blessing. As my husband tried so desperately to help me, he became more like Christ, more like the picture our marriages are supposed to be, and “in my weakness he was strong.” He prayed over me, with me, and for me; he encouraged me to lower my expectations, he helped me find refreshment, and most importantly, he waited patiently, and he did not trivialize my very real feelings.
If you suffer from depression, I would encourage you to soak yourself in the Word, even when you don’t feel like it. Wait for Him and trust Him to use your life, even in this moment, for His glory.
One last MONUMENTAL thing the Lord showed me was the desperate need for our transparency. Just a few days after I began to emerge from my despair, I was scheduled to speak at a Ladies’ Tea about our recent loss in the 2011 storms that swept across the Southeast. As I prepared (difficult to do during depression) the Lord kept weaving bits of my other “storm” inside the testimony. Afterwards, I received showers of thanks for my “transparency” about depression. Women who were struggling but afraid to verbalize it.
The Lord had used my suffering to minister to these ladies. “Pain is never wasted,” I said in my talk. And I believe that is true for all of us if we fall back into His arms and trust Him to use us in all things.
As I wrap this up, I’m reminded that He also used this time in my life to compile the book, When Motherhood Feels Too Hard. As I’ve received so many emails from women grateful for the book, the Lord washes my soul afresh with His goodness and reminds me, “See, I know what I’m doing.”
Tags: depression, suffering
Thanks for sharing this! It’s so easy to avoid this discussion, as I’ve heard many say that Christians shouldn’t get depressed. There’s that ‘shouldn’t’ word!
God made us each different in how our bodies, and our brains work, and only He knows what will drive us to our knees and increase our faith.
May we all support and encourage while we still can! We just never know what a sister or brother is dealing with.
Blessings.
Once again so timely for me Kelly! My husband is still without steady work. It has been almost 2 1/2 years now. Still living in a home free of rent (SO Thankful!) with my 12 beautiful children and dear hubby but the struggles are so many that sometimes it seems so overwhelming! Some days I want to stay in bed and not face the day or face any face!
But everyday I get up and move on because I have no choice! I am thankful for that although somedays it is truly survival! We are down to one vehicle which means we can no longer go anywhere as a family and talk about having to be thrifty with a food budget! $125 a week to feed 14 mouths but we have never gone hungry!! I know I will look back someday and wonder how we did it and some days I look back now and wonder but I am soon reminded we don’t do it alone! It is God’s grace and provision that is abundant! Yesterday I was talking to God as my Father as I often do, in the car, and I told Him I just was not sure this was all worth it! How could anyone see God? What kind of testimony was this really going to be for anyone? Who would want my life? Oh the pity party I was having!! God then gently spoke to me, “So what are you in this for? Is it about you and your idea’s or is it about Me and what I want to complete in and through you?” I got a punch in the gut! It was a long day of retrospect and I did not care for my answers at that moment! I realized I had made my circumstances about me! I did not go there immediately but after time, weariness has set in so I forgot to look at the things that Christ was trying to complete in me. Today, He has been giving me so many Nudges of Grace (The title of my coming book!) that revealed who He really is even though I get in a rut and feel sorry for myself! I am His daughter and He longs and desires to provide for me just not in the ways I always think or see! I am watching this story unfold and my children are watching and learning how we handle this. Even in our weakness, they learn from where we gain our strength! This is what legacies are built from! He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair…we just need to rest and trust in Him!
Thank you for your reminder once again that I am not alone and we are all brought to a place where we need to see our desire for Him is GREAT!
Sweet Heather, I know God is doing something great in your life. Don’t forget Job. Don’t forget the mocking friends and those who no doubt thought, “Is it really worth it? What kind of life is his?” And don’t forget our Savior, who hardly had a place to lay his head. I know those things may not soften where you are, but somehow seeing how God works, in hind sight, makes walking through the darkness a little bit easier.
Sweetly profound – thank you for these encouraging words. I remember many dark days in my past and am so thankful that I got through them through the word and through those who walked with me. His redemptive plan in our lives is remarkable! I love what you said, “Though our humanness seeks to avoid suffering, God uses suffering–always has–to achieve His purposes.”