I just read an EXCELLENT article written by Amy Henry on WORLDmag.com. I’m not a particularly “merciful” person, and this plays out in my parenting. When a child has a problem or a disturbing situation in their life, I usually view that as a real plus. I want them to grow up “with grit”. I think that’s a good character quality to have! But I have felt bad about it sometimes…especially when I see other parents feeling so horrible about the disappointments their kids are facing…or even shielding them from serious issues so they won’t “worry” or be “stressed” by them. I’ve wondered…”maybe I’m too hard on them…or not sensitive enough…or not very caring? Maybe I’m REALLY just making excuses for my cold heart by saying it’s “to help them grow in grit.”
This article made me feel a whole lot better about being “mean”. ; ) Here’s the teaser…a link to the rest follows.
Several experts interviewed by The Atlantic say, yes, it is possible to be too good of a parent. And this “too good” parenting is apparently driving 20- and 30-somethings to the therapist’s couch in droves.
One of the author’s clients, “Lizzie,” was an enigma. Her family relationships were intact. She had good friends, a good education, good health, and a good apartment. Why, then, was she so indecisive? Why couldn’t she trust her instincts? The article’s writer wondered, “Why did she feel ‘less amazing’ than her parents had always told her she was?”
Lizzie and her unhappy counterparts have this in common: Attuned parents. Loving parents. Parents who found tutors for the struggling. Parents who bought musical instruments for the aspiring. Parents who had, in short, “done it all.”
Paul Bohn, a psychiatrist at UCLA, blames parents who “will do anything to avoid having their kids experience even mild discomfort, anxiety, or disappointment—anything less than pleasant.” Child psychologist Dan Kindlon calls this our “discomfort with discomfort.” We don’t want our kids to hurt, fail, or lose, so we go to Herculean efforts to shield them from pain of any kind, an action that is creating college freshmen so fragile deans are calling them “teacups,” says Wendy Mogul, author of The Blessing of the Skinned Knee. Jeff Blume, an L.A. psychologist says we hold tightly to our kids because we need them to fill some emotional hole in our own lives: “We’re confusing our own needs with our kids’ needs and calling it good parenting. . . . If a therapist is telling you to pay less attention to your kid’s feelings, you know something has gotten way out of whack.”
Read the rest HERE.
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