The Balancing Act
By Contributing Writer, Chelsey Hall
A while back I had a question posed to me:
How do you keep from feeling guilty when you desire to be home keeping your home and family and shy away from being so involved at church? I don’t mean regular church services or once in a while, revivals, etc. I have just been feeling very guilty lately about stepping back from a few things at church that tends to take time from my family. I have felt in the past that I have been so busy and unable to maintain my home to where it is sometimes difficult to have friends/family over due to an unorganized chaotic home. But yet, you want to be a good model for your children and let them see your involvement in working in the church. Where is the balance??
Where is the balance between our life at home and our ministry outside the home?
While I do believe you absolutely can be involved in ministry outside your home (if the Lord is calling you to), you MUST find the balance in your home before trying to do anything outside of it.
1 Timothy 5:14-15 says, “Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
I want to focus on the phrase “manage the house”. The Greek word for this phrase is oikodespoteo. It translates as “rule or guide the house”. This is a pretty powerful and awesome phrase ladies – we are RULERS of our homes! This encompasses not just our physical home but home life: a wife to our husbands, a mother and teacher to our children, cooking, cleaning, hospitality, etc.
Here is the bottom line for me… if you are too busy with outside events that you are having trouble managing your home, this is probably a good sign that you shouldn’t be involved in them.
Isn’t ministering to others important?
You bet! But as a wife and a mother, your FIRST place to minister is your home. To quote Martha Peace from her book, The Excellent Wife, “…staying at home and organizing a clean, well run household is a major biblical emphasis in the God given ministry of a wife.”
Several years ago, before the birth of my second child, I was extremely involved in the church we were attending. I was a small group leader, involved in the women’s ministry an assistant to the choir director and worked with a small musical ensemble as well. Our church was a decent sized church, probably running around 500 at the time. I was a busy gal.
Our church each year put together a Christmas program that was very time intensive for all involved. I put together the part tapes for the sopranos and altos, helped coordinate the soloist, taught a lot of the music to the choir as a whole and ran sectionals. I loved what I was doing and felt that I was really allowing God to use me and minister through me.
Not too long after the birth of our second child, I began to study my role as a wife and a mother and what that really meant and looked like. Well, God really did a doozy on me. I realized that I was not handling my responsibilities at home the way I should. I was so busy and so wrapped up in all the ministries I was involved in, that my home life was suffering.
I was unorganized, not as attentive to my children as I needed to be, struggling to keep up with the housework, and I felt like I could never have anyone over without feeling immense pressure and chaos. God convicted my heart in a mighty way, and I laid everything down at His feet… and gave it up. It was such a difficult thing for me to do, but I knew it was what the Lord wanted.
I had to die to self and give up my outside ministries, for Him to be glorified in my home!
That, my friends, was no easy task. And let me tell you, the Lord and I had some words. I was not a happy camper, and I let the Lord know it. But, as always, He slowly turned my heart to Him, and I found contentment in my ministry at home. Since then, He has been faithful to open up new doors and avenues of ministry for me – ones that don’t take away from or put a stress on my ministries in my home.
What about being a good role model to my children and letting them see my involvement in other ministries?
What better role model can you provide for them, then fulfilling what the Lord himself has called you to do? That is all the model they need!
So… here it is then, the tough question…
Is He calling you to give up something that is in the way of you being the oikodespoteo of your home? And keep in mind, just because you give something up now, it doesn’t necessarily mean forever. But even if it did… that should be enough.
And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. (Col 3:23-24)
One more word of encouragement. As you read this and maybe are praying that the Lord would show you if there are any outside involvements that have been taking away from your duties in the home, go talk to your man. Even if you don’t think you are being “pulled’, ask him what he thinks. Oftentimes, our men step aside and let us do what we want because they know it makes us happy. But, let us not forget that the Father gave our husbands to us as leaders of our home. They can help keep us in check!
Search your heart.
Seek your man’s advice.
Listen for the Father’s wisdom.
Then, don’t be afraid to give up a seemingly good thing for an even better one!
Tags: finding balance, homemaking
Loved this encouragement, Chelsea!
Thanks Kelly!
Wow! WOW! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! I have been in a similar place of surrendering my will for HIS. I absolutley agree with this statement….”What better role model can you provide for them, then fulfilling what the Lord himself has called you to do? That is all the model they need!”
I have seen so many times in parenting my sons (now teenagers), that as I draw closer to My Father, my children do the same. When I yeild my life to a deeper relationship with HIM, my kids automatically follow my example. It is such a beautiful and humbling experience. My only explanation is that “yieldedness” must be contagious!
Jeri Lynn, I love that… “yieldedness must be contagious” so very true. Yielding to HIM is not always easy, but it is always the right thing and the best thing! Thanks for sharing your heart!
Great post, Chelsey! Thanks for taking time to write about this. Your situation closely mirrors what I experienced when my third child was born…I was so involved in women’s ministry that my children were suffering. The Lord was gracious to lead my heart back home.
For the past 8 years we have been members of a church which has very little in the way of structured programming, aside from worship twice on Sundays and Wednesday night prayer. It has been so refreshing. Without all the programs that so many modern day churches have, our families are more free to focus on teaching their own children in the home, prioritizing family worship and discipleship, and natural opportunities for fellowship with other believers in a family context. Like you, I have been blessed to focus on my husband, children, and home, and to see the Lord open up other opportunities for ministry which don’t take me away from home or conflict with my calling as a wife and mother.
I share more about my testimony of how the Lord led my heart home in my podcast The Value of Motherhood, which is posted (for free) here:
http://mentoringmoments.org/mentoring-library/audio-listening-library/motherhood/
Molly, what a great testimony! We, too, are now part of a church that has little to no “programs”. It is such a blessing to me to not have that stress. I can concentrate on my “job at hand” of being a wife and mom!
So glad you took a moment to share!! 
Thanks for sharing your wisdom in this area! We recently moved, and the new church we are going to is a new church plant, so I’m starting to feel the need to do more outside of the home. But this was an excellent reminder that I need to constantly be keeping my priorities in check!
Jessica, yes, that pressure can sometimes be tough. It is easy to get pulled in to really good things, while the best things wait for us at home!
Praying for the Lord to give you new direction and wisdom as y’all begin your journey with your new plant church!
This is an excellent post. When I became a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ I had 3 little girls. I had a strong desire to get out on the “battle field” to serve and witness for the Lord. He made it very clear to me that my 1st post was my home. I had several opportunities to witness and serve over the years, but it almost always involved my family so that I wasn’t torn in several directions. When you only care if the Lord Jesus Christ is pleased w/you… you care less about what others think. “Your reputation is what men think you are…. character is what God knows you are.”
“it almost always involved my family”…. yes!!!! God is so good that way. He will always give us opportunity to serve HIM, we just have to be open for what kind of avenue He’ll have us walk down to meet that opportunity! What a beautiful testimony Jennie!