By an Anonymous Guest Writer
It Should Have Been the Happiest Day of My Life
This was the moment I had anticipated for eight years. But when the EPT stick showed positive, my emotions were more sad than happy. My zeal for having a baby was stolen by a marriage that was having difficulties.
At that moment, it was still not clear what the issues were, but I was pretty sure it had to do with a certain someone at my husband’s work.
It was a Sunday morning, so we got ready for church as we digested our new news. On the way to church my husband told me he had to run into work that afternoon for a couple of hours. Strange….yet, what could I do? Not much else was said that morning.
That afternoon while my husband was at work, I received a phone call from a man I had never met. He told me he was “a certain someone’s” boyfriend. That week he had spied on her and saw her with my husband. When he called her on it she did not deny being emotionally attached to him. The boyfriend had given them until Sunday to tell me. He warned them that if they did not tell me by Sunday, he would call me.
When my husband finally came home, I asked him if the accusations were true. He admitted to also being emotionally attached to the other woman. In a moment I gave him a choice, her or me, NOT both. He chose her and left.
Trusting God Amidst Desperate Circumstances
Yes, my husband and I were both believers. This turn of events was a surprise to everyone. How could this happen? At that time we didn’t know. The emotions were too much for him to resist, and I was left wondering what I could have done differently.
The Lord had been preparing me for this trial. A few weeks before this dark day, God had met me in my quiet time and clearly said, “Daughter, you are going to be OK.” Obviously I didn’t know what was coming, so at the time I thought this was an answer to my quest to keep God number one in my life.
This promise was strength to me during many long days.
At this time we attended a very young church. We were the first couple to separate. They did not know what to do with me, making it a very lonely time. Fortunately, I did have a Bible study group of ladies that stood by me as best they could.
For weeks I didn’t hear from him. It took all that was within me not to contact him. Yet, some of the quick reading I had done convinced me I must not chase him. When I did finally speak with him, I put on a strong front: no tears and no emotions.
At this point I realized I had a choice to make: continue living up and down based on circumstances or trust God completely.
I chose to let go. I was filled with great peace as I said, “Do what You need to do to get him and I where You want us to be.” Fear fled as I became willing to endure whatever God deemed necessary.
Although God was very near during this trial, I still shed many tears and often slept with a wet pillow. I had never planned on being in this situation and was very ill prepared. The one comfort amidst this time of suffering was the nearness of my Savior. Family was far away, friends were cautious, and co-workers wanted to bash the man. But my Jesus continued to give me hope.
Never did I sense Him promising we would be reconciled, just that whatever happened, He was with me.
Seeing the Spiritual Battle
As weeks turned into months, the baby started to move within. My loneliness was emphasized by not having anyone to share my baby news with. I became angry when I thought of my husband’s hard heart. Yet, even when he told me he loved this other woman and had never loved me, a part of me knew he was deceived.
God helped me to see the spiritual battle and not fall completely into the pit of despair.
Recognizing that my husband was not the enemy – Satan WAS – kept me fighting the right battle. As I prayed, God would often highlight an area of need. I would pass on these prayer requests to a few close friends. These friends willingly interceded for our marriage. They were fighting for us, knowing my husband had dropped out of the fight and needed others to stand in for him.
I gave into feelings of panic when my due date was only four months away. What was I going to do for money? Yes, I had a job, but day care, food, baby supplies….I would need help. I went to a lawyer, led by these feelings of desperation. As I sat before his desk and discussed divorce, he told me all I had to do was site irreconcilable differences.
I couldn’t do it. The Lord was reminding me of my vows, “in good times and in bad.” These were bad times, but I wasn’t going to quit too soon. As I headed home, I felt stronger in one sense and weary in another. God was very much with me, yet my situation was still not good.
Many people along the way would ask, “Are you sure you should do that?” or “Are you sure you should say that?” No, I wasn’t sure! Yet, God continually guided and gave me a decisiveness that is not normally my strength. In hind sight, I believe my previous wishy-washy ways had been part of the collapse of the attraction my husband had for me.
On our anniversary, my husband called. What?! It was a no win. Don’t call – and I would have read defeat into it; yet, why call? That was just weird.
Another few weeks passed when, again, he called out of the blue. I couldn’t figure out why he had called, so I drove by where he was staying. SHE was there. I was furious! Up to the door I marched, ready to throw my wedding ring at her and tell them to enjoy one another. They wouldn’t open the door. FINE! I put my ring on his car door. No, I wasn’t thinking straight.
Help Through Prayer
I had succumb to my emotions and reacted irrationally. Upon returning home, I called one of my faithful prayer partners and confessed my tirade. She held my hand through the phone and prayed. As she prayed I sensed God’s arms hugging me; I was forgiven and my Savior was with me.
Of course, my co-workers were the first to notice I wasn’t wearing my ring. Without a lot of detail, I let them know things were not looking good.
Within a couple of days, my husband contacted me to let me know that he had broken it off with the other woman and he wanted to do what was right, even if I didn’t take him back. Just what I wanted to hear – maybe. I was not convinced.
After getting some council and asking some friends for help, it was decided that he could move in with mutual friends, and we would start dating. It was slow for both of us. He was still battling emotions, and I was insecure. We saw each other only a couple times per week.
My prayer requests were frequent during this time, and I could see our needs as we had more contact. At the end of the month, our friends were moving; he had to move out. We were not yet ready to be together, so we had to find another option. Our pastor stepped up and allowed my husband to move in with his family.
About a week into his stay I talked to our pastor, asking him how he thought we were doing. My assessment was we were still shaky. Our pastor agreed that although we were taking right steps, my husband’s emotions didn’t seem to have caught up yet.
We were now about six weeks from our baby’s due date. I was feeling eager to be a family; yet, reconciliation was forever. I wanted to be sure we were really headed in the right direction.
How do all the emotions, questions, fear, anger, God touches, and faith get portrayed in a few paragraphs? Impossible. These were the worst of times and the best of times, depending on what area we are talking about.
I decided to make a list of what I needed from my husband in order to help me heal. Ten items made the list. This was my guide to seeing if my husband was truly willing to do whatever it took to heal our broken marriage. He acted quickly and did what he could.
One step was to face my family, which included a trip to Texas. It was not easy for him; my mother was mean to him. It was a quick trip, but by the end, my family was cautiously willing to bless our reconciliation.
At about four weeks to due date, we decided to commit back to one another. We planned a renewing of our vows ceremony in three weeks.
One week before baby was due we had a ceremony with several friends and family. It was not too flashy, yet there was joy that day. Real joy. What a day of renewed hope.
Two days later I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor informed me my fluid was too low and the baby had to be delivered. Three days after our renewal of vows, our baby was born and quickly transferred to an intensive care unit at another hospital.
As we spent two weeks waiting to see if she would survive, my anger started to build toward my husband again. It was all too easy to blame him for this trial too.
God met me again, asking, “Am I in control or not, child?” Satan was not done trying to divide us, but God was the One in control.
Good news did finally come; our daughter was going to make it. The doctor had given her twenty-four hours to turn around; she started to improve shortly after the twenty-four hour mark. How sweet to the heart is good news!
A Year of Questions
The next year was not all roses. Well, maybe it was, because amidst the sweet fragrance of renewal were a lot of thorns. Our memories from the year before cast shadows on the present. I had a lot of questions, most of them I asked several times. As long as I kept my questions sincere, my husband did his best to answer. My ability to trust him again was increased by his willingness to answer and not just tell me what I wanted to hear.
That first year was the hardest. Each year since has been better. We are several years out now, and it does not even seem like this was us. Yet, the lessons we learned have strengthened our marriage.
We realized that our greatest error was not protecting our marriage. Neither of us ever thought something like this would happen to us, so we did not make any boundaries to prevent it. I knew he was spending one-on-one time with this woman, helping her with her computer and doing lunch at work. I didn’t see her as a threat until my husband started getting moody about how she acted that day at work. By then he was already emotionally gone.
Another warning was that my husband had started neglecting the Word. When I asked him, he claimed he had enough memorized to get him through. This brought me to my knees, but again he was too far into following his flesh to desire change. Now we realize our ability to be deceived and are desperate for God’s Truth to guide us.
Practically we have guidelines that neither of us crosses. One-on-one time with the opposite sex is not allowed. If a one-on-one meeting at work is necessary, it must be in public, and I must be notified. Most meetings have been able to be avoided, or it has been possible to invite another party along to keep it on the up and up.
Most of all, we can now see what Satan wanted to destroy. My husband and I both better understand the spiritual battle raging. We are extremely thankful we did not give Satan the victory.
Our marriage was worth fighting for and so is yours!!