After my review of The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick as well as my post about emotional abuse in the church where I list several helpful resources, I’ve had several private emails from women in pain. I think there are more of you out there. And if you are not a woman dealing with this type of marriage pain, you probably know someone like that.

Please reach out to them. They feel isolated and alone. Riddled with fear. Often misjudged. Confused. They need to know they are not alone, and they need helpful resources to learn how they can find hope in the middle of the mess.

Here is another helpful tool that was recently published via a blog post by Leslie Vernick in which she shares three essential ingredients for a thriving relationship.

Below are 16 traits of a healthy marriage. Answer the questions to see whether your marriage is relatively healthy.

1. My spouse shows care and concern for me and my needs.  Yes    No

2. My spouse has my best interests in mind.  Yes    No

3. My spouse asks my opinion on things.  Yes    No

4. My spouse trusts me.  Yes    No

5. My spouse works with me as a partner to parent our children.  Yes    No

6. My spouse is willing to get help for our marriage problems.  Yes    No

7. My spouse takes responsibility and apologizes when he’s wrong.  Yes    No

8. My spouse asks for my opinion on things in our marriage.  Yes    No

9. My spouse is considerate of my feelings.   Yes    No

10. When we have a problem, my spouse is willing to talk about it.   Yes    No

11. My spouse uses the Bible to correct his own life.  Yes    No

12. My spouse listens to advice from wise people.  Yes    No

13. My spouse allows me to be myself.  Yes    No

14. My spouse allows me to make my own decisions.  Yes    No

15. My spouse allows me to disagree.  Yes    No

16. My spouse is a good steward with our finances.  Yes    No

If you answered these questions with mostly yes your marriage is relatively healthy. One or two no answers indicate some weak areas in your marriage. More than three no’s indicate an unhealthy marriage. More than five no’s indicate a destructive marriage.

In addition, if you go to the Focus on the Family website HERE, you will see a free download for the Destructive Relationship Test if you scroll down a bit. That is a great tool for helping you discern whether or not you or someone you know is in a destructive relationship. It can be helpful for parents of teens too!

And finally, since I wrote last on this subject, Leslie has done another two day interview with Focus on the Family. There are more free downloads on those pages along with links to other good videos on this subject.

Reclaiming Hope and Safety in a Destructive Marriage Part One

Reclaiming Hope and Safety in a Destructive Marriage Part Two