In no particular order.
1. Don’t let them make any of their own decisions. They might make an embarrassing mistake that reflects poorly on you.
2. Train them to unquestioningly obey all authority at all costs. Tell them they are practicing witchcraft if they question anything you say by reminding them of 1 Sam 15:23 “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.”
3. When they feel guilty tell them the Holy Spirit is convicting them. If they don’t listen to that guilt (i.e. the Holy Spirit), they will go down a path of destruction from whence there is no return. It’s a slippery slope.
4. Then tell them that if they violate their “conscience,” it will become seared and they will become deaf to the Holy Spirit in their lives. Remind them of that slippery road to destruction just waiting for them to mess up.
5. Give them the silent treatment along with well timed dirty looks when you are displeased with them—until they apologize and ask for forgiveness.
6. When they accuse you of sin, deny it and shift the blame to them. Lay the guilt on thick. Remind them of their destiny as a witch on a broomstick, er, slippery slope unless they repent and submit.
7. Tell them you are always right because you are their God-given authority. Authority figures are always right because God is always right, and authority figures represent God in the world.
8. Point out “rebellious” people at church and make examples of them to your children. Predict their futures of destruction. Then tell your children their futures will be the same if they should ever cross you and slide down the slippery slope.
9. Make a twisted version of submission the theme of your family life. Submission trumps everything. Tell them lots of stories of how unsubmissive people slide down slippery slopes until they are finally destroyed by an angry God—but unquestioningly submissive people stay on the straight and narrow path and make God happy.
10. Make them afraid to cross you. Withhold affection and tenderness when they do. Make them believe they are loved and accepted only when they are submissive and follow your every wish.
11. Fear for their safety. Fear that they will rebel from God when they grow up. Fear that they will leave you. Fear that they will embarrass and humiliate you.
12. Because of #11, put heavy boundaries on them. Give them as little freedom as possible. Assume the worst when they get together with friends.
13. Teach them that all anger is sin, but don’t feel a need to control your own. Your hypocrisy will work in your favor in that it will make them angrier – and that will, in turn, make them feel guiltier – and guilt is how you control them so they always do what you and their future abusers want.
14. Never say you are sorry. Never repent or show “weakness.” They might discover that authority figures are also sinful – and that would undermine all your control AND the control of future abusers.
15. Teach them that honesty is good and fine ONLY when it doesn’t hurt anyone. Especially you.
16. Squelch creativity and autonomy.
17. When they do make a mistake, reiterate to them that it is their own fault for not doing it “the right way.” That would be your way, of course.
18. When another child takes a toy away from them – tell them they have to give it to the other child. Share always. The desires and demands of others must be met at all costs in order to keep peace. Tell them it is the “Christian” thing to do.
19. Teach the child that “no” is a swear word.
20. Demonstrate over and over that when they are good, they are loved. When they are bad, they are cut off from all fellowship.
Lest you think I’ve gone off the deep end, hang on. Because the next post is How to Raise a Future Abuser in 20 Easy Steps.
This is one sad, swingin’ pendulum.
Thanks for writing this! I would like to share it on Facebook, but the link went dead when I tried.
Wow. This is good. Convicting and good. Lots to think about here. I think it’s so easy to do some of these without really realizing what you’re doing. I’m praying that God gives me clean hands and a pure heart when it comes to my children. I really appreciate your Tell It Like It Is way of writing.
Very insightful. In a nutshell, “make your kids afraid to disobey.” Fortunately, it’s never to late to learn. We can claim our own voices (bodies, souls, lives) at any age.
I was relieved to get to the bottom of your list and find that I don’t do any of those things. But my goodness, that’s a terrifying title!
Incidentally, this is pretty much HOW my grandmother raised my mother. She was mega-controlling, and if God hadn’t saved my father in the first years of their marriage, I wonder if he’d have become an abuser. I just can’t imagine it, he being such a big, sweet, teddy-bear of a man, but my mom was definitely primed to accept abuse. She has zero confidence, even now, after years of Daddy trying to build her up. Her mom wouldn’t even let her feed herself sometimes, lest she spill a little. That’s a really mild example of the kind of thing she would do. And her father was an alcoholic. My sweet mama. I am actually kind of amazed she can even function after that childhood.