“Deliver us from evil” is part of the Lord’s Prayer. It’s something Jesus told us we should pray for regularly, so it’s obviously God’s will for us. Yet it’s astounding how many Christians think it is some kind of spiritual exercise in becoming a “living sacrifice” to daily expose oneself to evil—as long as the evil is your spouse.
In other words, if you didn’t experience the misfortune of unknowingly saying “I do” to an evil person, then it’s okay for you to be delivered from evil. If you married into it? Sorry, Charlie, but there’s no deliverance from evil for you or your kids. Why? Because “God hates divorce.” Never mind that the verse doesn’t actually say that. Never mind that He also hates violence and lying lips and incest. There’s forgiveness for murder. But divorce? God forbid. And if an abuse victim wants to get remarried and have a normal, healthy father to help her raise her small children—that makes her an adulterer to boot. Scholars have written entire books on this subject *link, *link *link, but it’s so much easier to believe in snappy, pious sounding phrases taken in bits from the Bible than to actually study this. Sound bites are good for hit and runs. Plus they make us feel good about ourselves. Ooooooo, I’m getting revved up.
Case in point: the marriage relationship of Saeed and Naghmeh which is now in the news due to Naghmeh’s public confession of her husband’s abuse. I’m not going to reiterate all the details here, but if you don’t already know what is going on (or who these people are!) you can read more about it HERE, and HERE, and HERE and HERE.
I wasn’t planning to bring that discussion to this blog, but here we are in the middle of Proverbs chapter two, and lo and behold—there it is. Deliver us from evil. Of course that whole thing immediately popped into my mind. If this is on God’s heart, shouldn’t it be on ours?
For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you,
delivering you from the way of evil,
from men of perverted speech,
who forsake the paths of uprightness
to walk in the ways of darkness,
who rejoice in doing evil
and delight in the perverseness of evil,
men whose paths are crooked,
and who are devious in their ways.(Proverbs 2:6-15 ESV)
This section starts off by talking about how God generously gives wisdom and knowledge and understanding to us. We learned in Proverbs chapter one that He doesn’t hide it from us. He is a shield to those who walk in integrity. A shield protects, shelters, covers, and guards. A person who walks in integrity is principled, honest, sincere, and honorable.
Are they perfect? Because they sound perfect, and maybe God only gives wisdom to the Perfect Ones?
Perfect Ones don’t exist. The fact is, God protects and guards decent, honorable, truth-telling, straightforward people who don’t play games with God, others, or themselves. Anybody can be this kind of person. A not-perfect person, but a decent kind of person. I think most people understand what I’m saying here.
God guards the paths of justice. Fairness. Rightness. Truth. Equality. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal. 3:28) God guards these paths because He values these things. If God values these things, God’s people will also value these things. They will not throw women and children to the dogs in the name of an institution. They will not do it.
Then it says discretion will watch over you; understanding will guard you. Discretion is prudence, responsibility, maturity, carefulness, deliberation, precaution, presence of mind, watchfulness, shrewdness, and discernment. Understanding is competence, intelligence, resourcefulness, capability, and skill.
He goes on to say that these things (discretion and understanding) will deliver you from the way of evil. Do you see how the person of character who has developed these qualities would be much safer, having avoided evil, than, say, a person who is irresponsible, immature, careless, ignorant, lazy, and so forth?
Next he talks about the kind of men who are evil. The kind of men we can and should and WILL avoid—and the kind of men we will help rescue others from—when we are people of discretion and understanding. These men:
- Have perverted speech. It’s corrupt, misused, deceptive, abnormal, tainted, twisted, impaired, confused, contorted, critical, and negative.
- Don’t walk in the paths of right-doing, but rather walk in the paths of darkness. Their lifestyle is dark, perverted, mean, hateful, deceptive, and polluted. I believe men who pretend to be one thing in public (a godly pastor who has suffered for the Lord) and live another thing in private (physically, emotionally, and verbally abusing your wife) is the pinnacle of evil. God says Satan poses as an angel of light. He is the father of lies. To pretend to be a man of God and to do such evil and then threaten one’s wife if she exposes you is reprehensible. And to defend such a man at the expense of an innocent woman is just as disgusting.
- Rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil. They are triumphant to see the suffering of innocent people. It literally gives them pleasure. A sexual molester gets off on making others suffer. Oh, but those women have to stay married to their abusive husbands. They signed a paper in the sight of God and man, by George. “It is their privilege to suffer for Christ” so says those who aren’t suffering overly much. Seriously? Is Christ honored when evil men have their way with the women and children they “own.”
- Walk crooked paths and have devious ways. They are warped and twisted personalities. They are sneaky. Shady. Insincere. Sly. Scheming. Shifty. Treacherous game players. Calculating. Evasive. Double dealing. When abusive men make public statements that sound sweet and humble and all godly-like while at the same time accusing their wives of lying to the public, they perfectly illustrate a crooked and devious way. Abusive men do not come out and announce themselves. They hide behind soft, woolly sheep eyes. This is not rocket science, folks.
Our Father, Who art in heaven, deliver Naghmeh—deliver all the Naghmeh’s on the face of this planet—from evil. In the Name of Jesus Christ we ask for this and know that One Day You will bring truth and justice in like a flood.
Amen.
Thank you for this post.
Your links to books and articles are so badly needed for others to know about.
Thank you for taking the time to articulate what so many of us know in our hearts but are unable to share because either others just don’t care or just don’t believe us and view us as being ‘rebellious’ towards God’s Word.
You are welcome. I just hope people can be willing to learn. This is an evil that needs to be overturned.
Yes Natalie! Such great insight here. This unhealthy type of Christianity empowers the abuser and makes them feel that they are entitled because the Bible clearly says she must stay.
It totally empowers abuse. Everything is turned upside down. It’s unjust.
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! As a person who endured this, and separation publically in front of her church, this can’t be shared and explained enough. My “willingly leaving my husband” caused division and gossip in my church. The fact that I was the cause of this in my church family was almost too much to bear. I kept begging God to tell me I could leave my church (I was the worship leader) and HE repeatedly gave me a big, fat, resounding NO! for months! I eventually understood why….that it wasn’t about me as much as it was about the leadership team learning better how to handle these situations in the future. It was about being an example for the other woman or women in the church going through the same thing and silently suffering. It was also for those whose first response was to take sides and cling to that too often used verse that “God hates divorce”. I have lost friends and even made some enemies during the past year and a half but, with the help of a solid Chtistian counselor specializing in abuse, I beginning to know the truth. HIS TRUTH and for that, it was all worth it in the end. I pray daily for all those suffering like me and my son…who feel stuck and ashamed and, worse of all, alone!
I’m sorry for all that you have been through. My hope is also that God will use these head banging, painful situations to help wake up His Church so that it really is worth it all in the end. No matter what, it sounds like you are rooted and built up in Christ, and for that alone, it IS worth it. He is everything. God bless you.
Andrea, Thank you for sharing.
I’m still here but it has been no verbal communication since 2014. I haven’t had a church home for years because they were a part of the problem. The adult children and my siblings who live far away are also emotionally abusive and this is how ‘he’ maintains a smothering control over me. He knows I have few friends because I devoted myself to “the marriage” … only to have him now say he no longer wants to be my husband but won’t divorce me b/c it would cost him too much. My children condone this and favour him and his side of the family.
For many years ‘leaving’ has made me feel uncomfortable as I realize the ploy is to just quietly get rid of me. I feel that what is really being judged here is the “lack of involvement by the church and our families” … to put the pressure on me but let the ‘man’ remain in his sinful state. Sorry for my lengthy comment but your story really hit my heart.
Praying for you as I continue to work through the fog and remain shrewd in dealing with man and innocent before the Lord.
Amen and amen! This is so spot on. God’s word is so clear here and yet in the many times I have read Proverbs, I have missed the comfort it so lavishly promises. It is Truth that sets us free.
Yes! Don’t marry into abuse… because then you’re stuck. Be the example of and the martyr for “Godly marriage” ladies… because “God hates divorce!” But by all means keep your suffering quiet!!
Thank you. Will share.
I just wanted to thank you for including a link to the post I wrote about Naghmeh. It is very important to me that she receives support from her community as she is working through this journey. I wrote a follow-up today in case you are interested.
Thank you, Chad. I appreciated reading the follow-up. For my readers, the link to his update is here: http://www.chadestes.com/2016/02/follow-up-saeed-naghmeh-abedini/
true. a man who comes from middle east and has been exposed to much ‘muslim’ beliefs his whole life, can easily be a manipulative man. I have middle eastern relatives who were of those persecuted by muslims long ago, and married my aunt. when my uncle died, though he was a tough-love kind of guy, my aunt took a few more weeks of recovery to overcome grief than perhaps a normal marriage. So the problem is not with being middle eastern, the problem is the muslim religious system which has out of control patriarch standards.
I hate to say it, but our president is a very evil and manipulative man. He is allowing confusion about religious ideals surpass reality of what abuse means towards women. Would he have visited a mormon tabernacle as well. They too expose them selves to unusual manipulative patriarchy to the point of abuse.
A women forced into a muslim marriage that is all corruption, like incest or pedophilia or polygammy, deserves every means to leave that marriage and that religious system.
We are surrounded by evil. and it is not from the farm-life or the honkey-tonk life or what have you. It is from the religious life.
Excellent.
“When abusive men make public statements that sound sweet and humble and all godly-like while at the same time accusing their wives of lying to the public, they perfectly illustrate a crooked and devious way.”
At the same time, a woman may claim she is abused to avoid the recriminations of frivolously divorcing. A woman is accusing her husband of abuse, and a man is accusing his wife of lying. There are reasons for both to occur, and not enough evidence to condemn either of them. So how can we proclaim one is innocent and one is guilty? Every situation is different.
To call Saeed an “abusive man” based on naught but an accusation is presumptuous. We always have to be innocent until proven guilty. Anything else gives accusers too much power. I think Franklin hit the nail on the head when he said there are two sides to every story.
Except that Saeed pled guilty to domestic violence in 2007. Read up on the facts. In cases of abuse, when you think you’re being fair by not taking sides, you are actually supporting the abuser. Anyone trained in domestic abuse understands this. Christians are notorious for “not taking sides” and further emotionally and spiritually abusing innocent women and children. That is not what God has called us to.
“To be believed is the most precious gift when you have been abused. Freedom from hell on earth follows. It’s why many of us are out and even alive today.” [Deborah]
Let’s have Christian compassion on Naghmeh. She demonstrated true Christian compassion on her abusive husband and worked to get him out. The least we can do is support her now.
I’m aware that Saeed pled guilty to a past offense. I agree that victims should be supported and Christiandom often fails to act. Where I disagree is that a past offense coupled with an accusation equals guilty without question. He may be innocent, she may be lying. Until we know for sure, it is unwise to assume anything of either of them. I have two divorced sisters and both filed for “abuse”. One was abused, one wasn’t. She was lying. She wanted out of a miserable marriage and wanted to save face. When the truth came out…she had in fact had an affair. It happens.
I think it is wrong to make assumptions about abuse and other women based on one personal experience with your sister. Abuse is a much bigger problem on a global scale than an anecdotal story. In 98% of domestic violence cases, the perpetrator is the man. Where a woman risks humiliation and the possibility of not being believed to report abuse – especially when there has been a documented history, I find it incomprehensible that she wouldn’t be believed. I don’t see anything in Naghmeh’s behavior for the past three years, her written words, or her actions that even remotely suggest she is lying and Saeed, with a history of abuse, is an innocent man. She is an incredibly courageous woman. You don’t support her in the least when you imply she could be a liar.
I’ve been following the dialogue and Molly I am too exhausted to share to many details…
I am in agreement with how Natalie has stated that it took courage for Naghmeh to come forth with her testimony. I guess, you could say I can empathize with her because after many years of emotional and sexual abuse which escalated into other family members hammering down on me; I finally had a melt-down and revealed the truth. Unfortunately, I hid the sins for so long that many did not and still do not believe me and I am shunned. Ha, and guess what? The so-called professing Christians are the worse for condemning me.
I’m still glad I’ve listened to the few who have encouraged me to “state the truth and stop hiding” … it has been brutal and thus, I am “healingInHim”.
“I think it is wrong to make assumptions about abuse and other women based on one personal experience with your sister.”
I think it is wrong to make assumptions about abuse and other men based on your personal experience with your husband.
I have made no assumptions. What I have said is that we don’t know the truth. That is all.
You know little about my situation, so please don’t comment on it. For the record, my husband is not an abuser like Saeed. You are the one making assumptions. I’m just choosing to believe one woman’s testimony—based on actual evidence—that she is telling the truth. You are choosing not to believe her story because of your personal story about your sister. It’s as simple as that. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe.
Amen. Deliver us Lord from these evil perpetrators. He delivered me from mine. I am praying now for deliverance for my two daughters.
I was blessed by a friend who sent this link to me. The Proverbs scripture is perfect timing (of course!) because I recently turned my very ministry involved husband in for domestic & sexual violence and the healing and legal process is overwhelming. The article is just the encouragement I needed! I also believe strongly that the church NEEDS to become more educated and equip in helping women in the church and be involved in building abuse awareness (especially marital rape) throughout the church and community. Thank you for writing this piece!
Praying for you this morning. You are in the middle of a heavy spiritual battle. This issue is a stronghold in the church.