Who or What is Defining You?

Who or What Defines You? Visionary WomanhoodI think women often struggle with figuring out who they are. WHY they are. When we think of ourselves, we tend to see ourselves through the eyes of whomever happens to be surrounding us at the time. We’ve got all these roles to play. We wonder if we’re playing them well. If others believe we are living well.


Did our parents approve of us? Did we please them? Did we inspire them to love us? Did we disappoint them? Not meet their expectations? Were we a good daughter?

John 1:12-13
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.


Did our siblings enjoy us? Did they hate us? Were we admired or despised? Were we a good sister?

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.


Do we have intimate friendships? Do people want to get to know us, and if they do, will they accept us the way we are? Are we fun to be around or do we feel boring? Do we feel loved or rejected?

John 15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.


Do our husbands love us? Do they want to really know us intimately? Do they accept us – the good and bad? Do they treat us with honor? Do they want to spend time with us? Do they enjoy our conversation? Do we feel safe with them? Do they think they got a treasure when they married us? Are they disappointed in us? Do they ignore us? Are they bored with us? Do they feel like they got a bum rap when they married us?

Psalm 139:1-4
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.


Do our children honor us? Do they want to tell us what is on their hearts? Do they like to be with us? Do they think we are a good mother? Do others think we are a good mother? Do we see ourselves as failures in this area? Are we doing enough? Are we doing too much?

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands.

Volunteer or Employee or Business Owner

Is our work meaningful to us? To those around us? Are we successful? Do we see ourselves as failures? Do others think we are necessary and important? Do we feel like our work has no point? Is our time being used well? Will we go to our grave and feel good about they way we lived our lives? Will we die with regrets?

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Our Appearance

Do we like our weight? Our hair? Our skin? Do we feel good about our wardrobe, or do we wish it had more color or style? Do we have a physical challenge from birth – or one we acquired during our lifetime?

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Our Gifts

Do we like the gifts God gave to us? Do we have opportunities to use them and find fulfillment in them? Do we think we have no gifts? Are we floating through life wondering why in the world we’re even here? What in the world we have to offer?

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands.

How do we see ourselves? How do others perceive us? This is how we usually get our identity. When we believe things are going well and life has meaning and others recognize this about us and give us kudos, we feel good about our identity.

When things are out of control, life seems purposeless, and others are negative, critical, unsupportive, or even abusive, we feel bad about who we are.

Daughter of The King

We are all of the above things, but they do not ultimately define us. Only our standing as a child of the Living God defines us. No matter what we suffer. No matter what we enjoy. No matter who loves us or hates us. We are kept. We are hidden. We are safe.

We are His.

If then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:1-4

And now a word from our sponsor:

(That would be me. I’m my own sponsor because someone’s got to pay for this blog. Find your identity in Christ, but be sure to get your great skin and hair from my online store.)

Get $10 Store Credit to Apple Valley Natural Soap

Natalie Klejwa is a Wemmick, loved by the Woodcarver, wife of 22 years to Joe, and mother to 9 Wemmicks ages 2-20. She is a business owner (Apple Valley Natural Soap), founder and administrator of the Visionary Womanhood blog, publisher and contributing author of Three Decades of Fertility, You Can Do it Too! 25 Families Share Their Stories, and The Heart of Simplicity: Foundations for Christian Homemaking.

You can hear her being interviewed on Kevin Swanson's Generations with Vision radio program.

Follow Natalie on Facebook, Pinterest, and Google +.

View all posts by Natalie →

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

3 thoughts on “Who or What is Defining You?

  1. Natalie—thanks for writing this post!! God has been showing me and reiterating to me—and I have been trying to truly absorb—WHO I am… not according to what I do or what I perceive other people thinks of me…. that with God I am loved, forgiven, cleansed… not just tolerated but appreciated… designed with love and His purpose for my life… a work in progress…!

    I also recently realized how much easier it is for a parent to impart (impose?) rules for moral living to our children, correcting them for disobedience—but teaching our children their identity in Christ seems often neglected. I want my children to know they are LOVED by God, even in the midst of their muck! Even in the midst of hardship! And in spite of what anyone else thinks of them! So this gives me a head-start with Scripture I can share with them. Thank you!