A friend brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers the other night. It wasn’t just an ordinary bouquet. At least not to me. It was exquisite. Knotted clusters of rose, lacy petals of white, and velvet pink melted against a backdrop of lush green foliage. It took my breath away.
Along with the flowers, she gave me an elegant glass bottle with a reference to Psalm 56:8 “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” I have often thought of that verse over the course of 23 years when I’ve been face down on the floor wracked in sobs wondering how I’m going to survive my marriage.
I put it in my best vase, a wedding gift 23 years ago, and set it on my wood table. The next morning I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn’t sleep. After tossing and turning for an hour, I finally got up, took my shower, and went down to the kitchen to make some coffee. There was that bouquet, sitting in the quiet of the morning on the wood table that I love.
A thought came to me in that moment. Those flowers were not from my friend. They were from God. God sent me flowers. It caught me up in an unexpected embrace out of nowhere. I had Someone who loved me. I really did!
And He sent me flowers!
Here’s the thing about flowers. They are impractical. They cost a lot of money, and their life is brief. They are for people who are worth something. Not for me.
Yet, here they were. Lovely, fragile, extravagant flowers, and they were mine. With tears I went closer and examined each one, wanting to appreciate all their glory. Wanting to breathe in their unique fragrances. Wanting to fall into the pool of their magical wonder prepared just for me. For me! I knew He was standing there watching me. I could feel His presence in that room. It was a holy moment.
I decided to take advantage. I thanked Him for His love. I told Him He was truly enough for me. More than enough. I only wanted to be with Him the rest of my life. I would never be alone as long as He was with me.
And then I asked Him for my heart’s desire. The one thing I want more than anything in this universe. Everything else could go to pot, but if I could have this one wish, my happiness would be sealed. I admit, I’m obsessed with this desire. And He is my God, standing there, loving me. Why not bring it up in this holy moment for the millionth, trillionth time? It was this:
One day in eternity, will You give me another bouquet of flowers? I want their names to be Elizabeth, Sam, Phillip, Aimee, Tim, Stephanie, Katie, Jennie, Peter, and David, along with four others that had no names here on earth. I want to know that You will save their souls. That you will keep them in the palm of Your hand and never let anything or anyone pluck them out. I want their lives on earth to be wrapped up in Your love story. Oh Jesus, please, I’m begging You. Spread your covering of blood over my children and my grandchildren and my great grandchildren. We are such a mess right now. So much heartache and so much dysfunction. I can’t save them. Nothing I do or say can save them. But YOU CAN!
I know He heard me. He was there. I could feel His smile. I could feel His power. I could feel His love. I cried. I got a ripping headache. I got my coffee. And I got started on my day.
Natalie, this is beautiful. And I pray He grants you your heart’s desire.
Thank you. <3
I love what your friend did for you, I want to be like her.
I love you and I am printing your prayer to add to my journal.
Yes, it made me realize how much this kind of thing means to someone who is hurting or lonely. When we love someone – God is loving them through us. Incredible, this. To be His healing ambassadors in a broken world.
Beautiful. Really Beautiful. Love your table and love the little bottle. But most – I love your prayer. I continue to pray for you almost daily.
Thank you, Carrie!
Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes! That is my prayer also, that my children will ALWAYS be kept near to Him, that he will never let anything tear them away. Through this nastiness and destruction that is divorce and mental illness, and whatever else life will throw at them. Love this post, Natalie!
Love you, friend.
We need to set up a Panera date.
Oh, Natalie…. :’D
Love this!! Just the other day He was just so sweet to remind me, too, of His very real, very involved presence in my life. He had sent some encouragement my way in the wake of some discouragement.. which had already left me overwhelmed and overflowing with thanksgiving because it was so obvious it was from Him. So then as I was journaling my prayers, a verse from a song came to mind, “my very present help in time of need,” and I was left meditating on how even in my need to be drawn back to Him, He is my very present help. He is faithful. He is real!! He is here!! And THEN the kicker was that I opened up to the Psalm I was planning on reading that day and it was Psalm 46! With that phrase in the first verse!! I could not believe it. Needless to say I was a puddle throughout my time with Him that day! And this past week I have had a deeper understanding of His closeness; I am not praying to someone far away, but He is literally right. here. with. me. He is SO good to us, isn’t He?
Yes, Elizabeth. HUGS!
I love to hear about how God shows up in your life.
I didn’t like flowers until I began gardening. For the first time I saw why they exist. Likewise I began to appreciate people’s beauty and youth. It now had a purpose too.
When I first got married my husband gave me flowers for our first wedding anniversary. I thanked him but told him not to do that again. It was just so not practical. :/
Last year, I had a miscarriage and a friend who lives a couple hours away sent me flowers. Finally I understood the purpose of them: to bring beauty and PROMISE to the mess of our lives.
Yes!
This is such a beautiful post Natalie. You are such a beautiful, brave and amazing woman. I look up to you. God bless you and your family. God has surely got you covered!
He surely does. Thank you, Gretchen.